Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes

View Quote Johnson: Sir? Dr. Evil is not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
World Leader: Which one?
Johnson: It's the one that looks like a pair of--
[cut to fruit stand]
Woman: Melons! Big juicy melons![holds them in front of her breasts.]
Man: Are they nice and firm?
Woman: Well, what do you think?
Man: [pointing to the sky] Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--
[cut to football game. 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T" and "S" painted on their chests.]
Man with second T: A, and N, you're late! [two men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS."]
"A" Man: How we doing, man?
Men: Yeah! Go, Titans! Yeah!
"A" Man: Check it out! Those remind me of--
[film pauses]
Ozzy Osbourne: Boobs!
Sharon Osbourne: Boobs, Ozzy?
Ozzy Osbourne: These filmmakers are just f[bleep]ing boobs!
Kelly Osbourne: What do you mean, Dad?
Ozzy Osbourne: Well, their using the same f[bleep]ing jokes as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
Sharon Osbourne: What f[bleep]ing joke?
Jack Osbourne: You know, the f[bleep]ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
[back to World Organization]
World Leader: Johnson?
Johnson: Yes sir?
World Leader: Any sign of that satellite?
Johnson: No sir. It's gone.

View Quote Tom Cruise: Yeah, baby!
Steven Spielberg: (When Austin says he should change the opening credits) Yeah, well (Holds up an Oscar) my friend here - he thinks it's fine the way it is.

View Quote Young Dr. Evil: (Checking the class rankings) Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2: Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil: Pleased to meet you Number 2. I'm #1. *evil laugh*
Young Number 2: *evil laugh*
Both: *evil laugh*

View Quote [{}=Japanese translations]
Mr. Roboto: {I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.}
Austin Powers: Domo arigato, Mr.Roboto. {Thank you, Mr. Roboto} [to audience] I thank you.
Foxxy Cleopatra: {Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.}
Austin Powers: [to Foxxy] You speak Japanese?
Foxxy Cleopatra: A little.
Austin Powers: Well, you might be a cunning linguist but I'm a master debater. [Both laugh, then, seriously, to Mr. Roboto] I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.
Mr. Roboto: {Please eat some shit.}
Austin Powers: Please eat what?!
Foxxy Cleopatra: Wait. [Removes white cups revealing rest of subtitle] He said "Please eat some shitake mushrooms."
Austin Powers: Tell me. What do you know ... about my father's where...about...s?
Mr. Roboto: Hm. [Walks over to bookcase which contains white books] {Your ass is happy.}
Austin Powers: "Your ass is happy?!"
Foxxy Cleopatra: No. [Pulls down a bookcase cover] He said "Your assignment is an unhappy one."
Austin Powers: Oh!
Mr. Roboto: [to Japanese woman dressed in white] {I have a large rod.} [Japanese woman gasps]
Austin Powers: Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!
Mr. Roboto: [Repeats line and moves away from woman, revealing I have a large rodent problem.]
Austin Powers: Oh.
Mr. Roboto: {A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.}
Austin Powers: Yes. Very off-topic, thank you very much.
Mr. Roboto: Why don't I just speak in English?
Austin Powers: That would be a good idea now wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty. [smiles]
[Later]
Austin Powers: By the way, {I do have a large rod...I wish.}

View Quote Henchman: [nods]
Nigel: Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?
Henchman: [nods again]
Nigel: I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?Go on son.
[henchman falls down]
If you've got an issue, here's your tissue.

View Quote (Deleted scene in Infinifilm edition) Dr. Evil: Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "i fit iron dick."
Goldmember: Yes. "i fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes. (Gives up.)
Dr. Evil: Yeah, can't get it? "i fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (Starts spelling it to the tune to Old McDonald Had a Farm) "f-r-i-c-k-i-n', i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there, here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.

View Quote [After key is lost] Luckily I keep a shpare.

View Quote [After making Fem-bot!Britney's head explode] Oops, I did it again, baby. Yeah!

View Quote [After Nigel tells a flashback about himself] Very interesting, Mr. Powers. Of course, we will have to wait after we see the facts. Daddy! [Hugs Nigel]

View Quote [after seeing Number 3's mole] A-buh.

View Quote [After seeing Scott balding] Whoa!

View Quote [After seeing that Mini-Me has switched sides] Mini-Me?

View Quote [Commenting on his loose skin after going on the "Subway diet"] And my neck does kinda look like a vagina.

View Quote [deleted scene where Dr Evil is stroking mr Bigglesworth] I like holding my kitty. Its like holding somebody's ass.

View Quote [Hanging from a wire] Isn't this magical, one of my wires broke.