Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me quotes

View Quote (After Felicity has kicked him in the genitals) Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h! Right in the Mummy-Daddy button!

View Quote (Spinning out of control on his chair) All I asked for was a fricking rotating chair, OK?! Okay, getting a little afraid. I need an old priest and a young priest. The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! Whoa, hello! Okay, sick as a dog now. (spits) Okay. Gonna vom...

View Quote Austin: ("Vanessa" tries choking him) Vanessa! You're a fembot!
Vanessa: No shit, Sherlock! (throws Austin aside and releases machine guns in breasts)
Austin: Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?
Vanessa: Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.
Austin: Right. (to himself) Oh, my God!
("Vanessa" shoots her machine guns to Austin and stops firing as Austin uses the white flag to surrender)
Dr. Evil's voice: Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. A kamikaze bride from me: Dr. Evil. (countdown reaches zero. Head explodes, destroying bits of the hotel room)
Austin: (unharmed, checks to see if his crotch is intact) Oh, thank God.

View Quote Austin: [Looking through binoculars around neck] Dr. Evil's headquarters is just over that next ridge.
Felicity: Let me look. [Pulls binoculars, with Austin, across]
Austin: Arrgh!
Felicity: Damn it! [Pulls binoculars down] How do we get in?
Austin: [Stuck in Felicity's cleavage] Hello, Mummy. Mummy, can I have some chocolate? I want some Mars bars!
Felicity: Austin?
Austin: Don't smack my bottom, mummy!
Felicity: Austin?
Austin: [Pulls himself up] Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows. Hmmm...
Felicity: Let's look at the map. [Drags Austin, by the binoculars, into a tentpole.]
Austin: Oh, blimey!

View Quote Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity: You can start by buying me a drink.
[Austin exhales sharply and heavily]

View Quote Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: You'll have to kill me.
Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: Kiss my ass, Powers!
Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: Dr. Evil!
Felicity: That was easy.
Austin: That was easy.
Felicity: Why did you tell us?
Mustafa: I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
Austin: (quickly) Where's Dr. Evil hiding?!
Mustafa: Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
Mustafa: (spits) I spit at the question.
Austin: Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
Mustafa: Go to hell, Powers.
Austin: Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret... volcano... lair?
Mustafa: I will take it to the grave with me.
Felicity: AHA! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.
Mustafa: No, no, no! The second question was: "Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?", so that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
Austin: He's right.

View Quote Dr. Evil: [with coffee on his nose] Frau Farbissina, Wie geht es Ihnen? (How are you)
Frau: Sehr gut, Herr Doctor. (Very good, Doctor.)
Dr. Evil: How are things?
Frau: I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. To my right is my lover. [reveals tough female] We met at the LPGA Tour. Her name is Unibrou. [Unibrou reveals her one-eyebrow]
Dr. Evil: Right on. Welcome Unibrou.
[Number Two looks around as if he thinks they're crazy]
Frau: Doctor, you, uh... [points to the nose]
Dr. Evil: What, what?
Frau: You've got a...little milk-nose...mustache.
Dr. Evil: [looks at himself in a mirror] I know, I know. I meant to. That's how we drink it in Belgium. It's called a Belgian Dip.

View Quote Dr. Evil: [about his new "laser"] You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star".
[Scott snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth.
Dr. Evil: What did you call me?
Scott: Nothing. [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Dr. Evil: Bless you.

View Quote Dr. Evil: [Dr. Evil and Scott are at the Jerry Springer Show] Hello, Scott. Daddy's back.
Scott: How could you do this to me? On national television?!
Dr. Evil: Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.
Scott: Why'd you run out on me?
Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough.
[audience starts "aw"ing]
Dr. Evil: [to audience] Well, it's true. [to Scott Evil] You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie. Not evil enough.
Man with white hood (Apparently a member of the Ku Klux Klan): What are you, some kinda freak?!
[audience laughing]:
Scott: [stands up] Shut up, you (bleep)!
Dr. Evil: OK, come on.
Man with white hood: [stands up, too] I'll kick your (bleep), punk.
Scott: Bring it on, you skanky (bleep)!
Dr. Evil: No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. (to man with white hood) You mother(bleep)! (stands up and attacks man with white hood)
(audience going crazy, as well as numerous bleeping, Jerry's bodyguards stopping the fighting people):
Dr. Evil: (yelling at man with white hood) You were born in your mother's (bleep)!
Audience: (chant) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

View Quote Dr. Evil: Fire the laser!
[shows a clip of the UFO from "Independence Day" blowing up the White House]
The President: [ducks under the desk] Damage report! Damage report!
[the staff realizes everything's okay]
General: It's okay. Everything's okay.
Dr. Evil: Actually, that was just a clip from the movie "Independence Day", but the real laser would be a lot like that. Yeah.

View Quote Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a plan. I have developed-- (The espresso machine in the back suddenly makes a deafening noise as Dr. Evil continues to explain his plan to his cabinet though no words are heard)
Dr. Evil: No? Nothing? Ladies and gentlemen, I have developed-- (The espresso machine goes off again and Dr. Evil patiently waits for it to stop)
Dr. Evil: Number Two, if that happens once more, I'm gonna have your balls for breakfast. Okay? Yeah. Denny's style.
Austin Powers: Would you happen to know a man named Mr. Evil?
Robin Swallows: I don't know anyone named Dr. Evil.
Austin Powers: Really? I said Mr. Evil. ... Would you care for something to drink? Would you like a Mr. Pepper?
Robin Swallows: I would love a Dr. Pepper.
Austin Powers: Really? I said Mr. Pepper.
Felicity Shagwell: You were married? I can't believe that! You were a famous swinger! What was her name?
Austin Powers: Vanessa. She was a special woman. It really broke my heart when she turned out to be a robot.
Felicity Shagwell: You mean she was uptight and never expressed her feelings?
Austin Powers: No, I mean she was constructed of plastic, wire, fore bearings, and what have you. Yeah. She had a tin clunge.

View Quote Dr. Evil: The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. So therefore, it is fitting to call it: "The Alan Parsons Project".
[Scott snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: The Alan Parsons Project was a progressive rock band from 1982. Why don't you just name it Operation Wang Chung, ass?

View Quote Fat Bastard: [Felicity kicks him in the crotch] Ohhh, right in the mummy-daddy button!"
Felicity: That's for calling me crap, ya fatty!
(Fat Bastard screams as he falls to the ground very hard)

View Quote Fat Bastard: Christ Almighty, it smells terrible in here.
Dr. Evil: It's the volcanic sulphurous emissions. We've put up some air fresheners.
Fat Bastard: Great, now it smells like someone took a shit in a pine tree.

View Quote Fat Bastard: You want some chicken? I have more!
Felicity: No, thanks...
[Fat Bastard rolls over to get more food at the side of his bed. Felicity takes a homing device out of her purse and notices an opening in his ass]
Basil: [voice-over, via Felicity's memory] Remember, by any means necessary.
[Felicity sticks it in his anus]
Fat Bastard: Oooooh, frisky are we? Give it up! [He rolls on top of her and she yelps]