Clueless quotes

View Quote Cher Horowitz: But, Tai, do you really think you'd be good with Josh? I mean, he's like a school nerd.
Tai Fraiser: What, am I some sort of a mentally challenged airhead?
Cher Horowitz: No! Not even! I didn't say that.
Tai Fraiser: What, I'm not good enough for Josh or something?
Cher Horowitz: I.... I just don't think you mesh well together.
Tai Fraiser: YOU don't think that WE mesh well?! Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Cher Horowitz: .... That was way harsh, Tai.

View Quote Travis Birkenstock: It's one of my steps. See, I joined this club and there are these steps. [starts counting]
Cher Horowitz: 12?
Travis Birkenstock: Yeah, twelve. How did you know?
Cher Horowitz: Wild guess.

View Quote Josh Lucas: Yeah. Well, it's good learning experience, at least for me. I want to be a lawyer. But you, I mean, you don't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun. Go shopping.
Cher Horowitz: Oh, you think that's all I do. That I'm just a ditz with a credit card?
Josh Lucas: No, uh, that's not what I meant. It's just.... um.... Uh, the.... You're.... young and beautiful and-
Cher Horowitz: And?
Josh Lucas: And, uh, well, what?
Cher Horowitz: You think I'm beautiful?
Josh Lucas: Mmm.... yeah. You know you're gorgeous, all right?

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Oh, she's a full on Monet.
Tai Fraiser: What's that?
Cher Horowitz: You see, it's like the painting see, from far away it's okay, but up close it's a big ol' mess.

View Quote Mel Horowitz: What did you do at school today?
Cher Horowitz: Well, I broke in my purple clogs.

View Quote Heather: It's just like Hamlet said: 'To thine own self be true.'
Cher Horowitz: Uh, no, Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: (laughs slightly) I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Chere Horowitz: (mocks laugh) Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.

View Quote Murray Duvall: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne Davenport: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray Duvall: Excuse me, Ms. Dionne.
Dionne Davenport: Thank you.
Murray Duvall: My street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily misogynistic undertones.
Tai Fraiser: Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups.
Cher Horowitz: Oh well, this is a really good school.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne Davenport: No, not to your face.

View Quote Cher Horowitz: (about Tai) Dee, my mission is clear. Would you look at that girl. She is so adorably clueless. We have got to adopt her.
Dionne Davenport: She is to' up! Our stock would plummet.
Cher Horowitz: Dee! Don't you wanna use your popularity for a good cause?
Dionne Davenport: No.

View Quote Mel Horowitz: I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.
Cher Horowitz: I have direction.
Josh Lucas: Yeah. Towards the mall.

View Quote Josh Lucas: Hey, James Bond, this is America. We drive on the right side of the road.
Cher Horowitz: I am! You try driving in platforms!

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Hey granola breath, you've got something on your chin.
Josh Lucas: I'm growing a goatee.
Cher Horowitz: Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last person at the coffee house without chin pubes.

View Quote Mel Horowitz: Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter.
Josh Lucas: I don't think so.
Mel Horowitz: Cher, doesn't he look bigger?
Cher Horowitz: His head does.

View Quote Dionne Davenport: (screams) No! What have you done?! Oh my God! Cher, look! Look what's he done to his head! Can you believe this? Why did you do that to your head!
Murray Duvall: 'Cuz I'm keepin' it real!
Dionne Davenport: What?!
Murray Duvall: I'm keepin' it real! Ai'ight? Look at Lawrence's head?
Lawrence: It's the bomb.
Murray Duvall: You know what I'm sayin'? You look good.
Lawrence: As will you.
Dionne Davenport: What do you care what he thinks, Murray? I'm the one that has to look at you! That was a big mistake! What am I gonna do with you now?! And right before the yearbook pictures! What am I gonna tell my grandchildren?! You know what? Okay. That's it!
Murray Duvall: (mocking) That's it!
Dionne Davenport: You wanna play games?
Murray Duvall: (still mocking) You wanna play games?
Dionne Davenport: I'm calling your mother!
Murray Duvall: I'm calling your mo- what?! No, no, no! Don't call my moms!

View Quote (Elton has just tried to kiss Cher, forcing her to leave the car)
Elton: Cher! Where you going? You're only hurting yourself here, baby. Come on, you gonna walk home? Get back in the car, please! Get back in the car!
Cher Horowitz: Leave me alone!
Elton: Fine! (drives off)
Cher Horowitz: Hey, where are you going?! Ohhhh, shit.