N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride quotes

105 total quotes

Count Rugen
Inigo Montoya
Multiple Characters
Prince Humperdinck

[Aboard Vizzini's boat.]
Inigo: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss... Fuss... I think he likes to scream at us.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we'll all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: [screams in frustration]

[As Inigo and Fezzik leave with the miracle pill]
Miracle Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [aside, to Max] Do ya think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. [calling out] Bye bye!

[Buttercup encounters Vizzini, Inigo and Fezzik standing by the side of a road.]
Vizzini: A word, m'lady? We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.
[Fezzik steps toward Buttercup]
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream. [Fezzik renders Buttercup unconscious]

[Buttercup kisses the old, senile king on the cheek]
King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again, since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite.
King: [smiling] Won't that be nice? [calling out to the Queen] She kissed me!

[Fezzik is climbing a rope up a vertical rock face, carrying Vizzini, Inigo and Buttercup. The Man in Black has started climbing the rope as well.]
Vizzini: Faster!
Fezzik: I thought I was going faster.
Vizzini: You were supposed to be this colossus! You were this great, legendary thing! And yet he gains!
Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.
Vizzini: I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.
Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please?

[Fezzik, Inigo and Westley scare off Yellin's guards with an impressive display involving a holocaust cloak, then prevent Yellin from closing the portcullis at the castle gate.]
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: [pulls out the key] Oh, you mean this gate key!

[Humperdinck orders Yellin to form a brute squad and clear out the Thieves' Den.]
Yellin: It won't be easy.
Humperdink: Try ruling the world some time.

[Inigo has been defeated in the duel]
Inigo Montoya: Kill me quickly.
Man in Black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either... [thumps Inigo in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him unconscious] Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.

[Inigo pounds on a door]
Miracle Max: [from inside] Go away!
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening the window again] Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: [looking at Fezzik] You are the Brute Squad!
Inigo Montoya: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Inigo Montoya: He's already dead.
Miracle Max: [pauses] He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.

[Inigo, having just been critically injured, gets up and starts advancing on Rugen.]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[The two fight for a moment, then pause]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
[More fighting ensues. Inigo gains the upper hand.]
Inigo Montoya: [yelling] Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen: No!
[Inigo slices Rugen's cheek]
Inigo Montoya: Now! Offer me money!
Count Rugen: Yes!
Inigo Montoya: [Inigo slices the other cheek] Power too! Promise me that.
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya: [steps back and gestures dramatically] Offer me everything I ask for!
Count Rugen: Anything you want!
[Rugen takes another lunge at Inigo. Inigo parries and stabs Rugen through the stomach.]
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch. [thrusts his sword into Rugen, then pulls it back out, leaving him to die.]

[Miracle Max inflates Westley's chest with a bellows.]
Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for? [presses on Westley's chest to force the air back out]
Westley: [faintly] Truuuuueee.... looooooovvveee.....
Inigo Montoya: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh? So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated—
Valerie: [popping out from another room] Liar! LIAR! LI-A-A-AR!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Miracle Max: You never had it so good.
Valerie: "True love!" He said, "true love," Max! My God—
Miracle Max: Don't say another word, Valerie.
Valerie: [to the others] He's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence is shattered.
Miracle Max: Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!
Valerie: What, Humperdinck? Humperdinck. [begins chasing Max around the house] Humperdinck. Ooo-ooo, Humperdinck!
Miracle Max: [holding his hands over his ears] I'm not listening!
Valerie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Miracle Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Valerie: [continues repeating "Humperdinck" at Max]
Inigo Montoya: [simultaneously] This is Buttercup's true love! If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.
Miracle Max: [quiets Valerie] Wait, wait- I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!
Miracle Max: [laughs and sings briefly] That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five. I'm on the job!

[The Man in Black causes Fezzik to fall unconscious.]
Man in Black: [checks to make sure Fezzik is still alive] I do not envy the headache you will have when you wake up. But in the meantime, sleep well, and dream of large women. [picks up his sword and continues pursuing Vizzini]

[The Man in Black challenges Vizzini to determine which goblet of wine is poisoned.]
Vizzini: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait 'til I get going! [small pause] Where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something — it won't work.
Vizzini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will! And I choose... [points behind the Man in Black and gasps] What in the world can that be?
Man in Black: [Turns to look while Vizzini switches the goblets] What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [chuckles]
Man in Black: What's so funny?
Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute, but first, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
[Vizzini and the Man in Black pick up their respective goblets and, after some gesturing by Vizzini, they drink. Vizzini continues to chuckle.]
Man in Black: [setting down his goblet] You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! [laughs openly] You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" [laughs maniacally for a few seconds, then stops abruptly and falls over dead.]

[The Man in Black has just challenged Vizzini to a battle of wits for the Princess, to the death.]
Man in Black: [hands a small tube to Vizzini] Inhale this, but do not touch.
Vizzini: [sniffs the tube] I smell nothing.
Man in Black: What you do not smell is called iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the deadliest poisons known to man.
Vizzini: [smirks] Hmm...
[The Man in Black takes the two wine goblets and turns away from Vizzini. He returns a moment later and, after shifting the goblets around quickly, sets them down in front of himself and Vizzini. Vizzini smirks again.]
Man in Black: Now, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.

[The Man in Black has just performed an impressive dismount from a parallel bar.]
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Man in Black: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know.
Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: [shrugs] Okay. [resumes fighting]