Allen Bauer quotes

View Quote She's really hungry. Explaining why his date (a mermaid in human form) was eating an entire lobster - including the shell.

View Quote It just so happens I come from a very long line of married people.

View Quote I am not a fish! How many times do I have to tell you people that? Now, will just let me outta here? Please? Huh? People? Said while standing naked in a tank with wires trailing from his body.