Tommy Boy quotes

View Quote [Richard knocks on the door, impersonating the maid, while Tommy tries to sleep.]
Richard: Housekeeping?
Tommy: No thank you. Sleeping.
Richard: Housekeeping?
Tommy: Come back in an hour.
Richard: Housekeeping, you want towel?
Tommy: No towels. Need sleepy.
Richard: Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?
Tommy: Please go away let me sleep FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Richard: Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?
[Tommy gets out of bed and opens the door.]
Tommy: What kinda hotel is this?... Oh, it's you.
Richard: Good morning, sunshine. Yikes.

View Quote [Tommy gets off the airplane]
Tommy: Richard Hayden!
Richard: Tommy.
Tommy: Where's my Dad? I thought he was supposed to pick me up at the airport?
Richard: He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane.
Tommy: He said he had a surprise for me.
Richard: Maybe. I guess that's why you should've called.
Tommy: I did call...earlier...or, later.
Richard: Really? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two...four...niner...five, six seven...
Richard: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I hear a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.

View Quote [Tommy spills M&M's all over the dashboard]
Richard: Oh, that sounds good. Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that.
Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.
Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it.
Richard: Are you talking?
Tommy: Shut up, Richard.

View Quote [After watching Tommy wolf down fries and squirt ketchup into his mouth] Ugh! I could just hear you getting fatter .

View Quote [During first day in his Father's brake pad division] I was just checking the specs on the endline for the...rotary...girder... I'm ****ed.

View Quote [During the pretend "bee" attack] Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!

View Quote [Singing, in an attempt to cheer up Richard] Fat guy in a li'l coat! Fat guy in a li'l coat!

View Quote Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!

View Quote Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE ABUTMENT.

View Quote He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?

View Quote Hey lady, there's a fat whale on your boat?!

View Quote Holy shnikes!

View Quote If I wanted a kiss, I would've called you mother.

View Quote It's called reading, you know, top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.

View Quote It's the next town, tons-of-fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron? Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...