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Jane: I never do anything like this.
Kevin: I know.
Jane: You do?
Kevin: Yes, I know. You kept repeating that over and over last night. "I never do this... I never do this... I never do this..."
Jane: There's gotta be one thing about weddings that you like.
Kevin: Open bar.
Jane: No.
Kevin: [thinks for a moment] All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. 'Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... [notices Jane giving him a weird look] What the hell are you looking at me like that for?
Jane: Are you shitting me right now?
Kevin: What?
Jane: That's my favorite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common.
Kevin: Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.
[Jane pulls out a garish "Gone With the Wind" dress from her collection.]
Kevin: What is that?
Jane: [holding the dress in front of herself] Theme wedding!
Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?
[Kevin helps Jane practice saying "No".]
Kevin: Jane, give me fifty bucks.
Jane: No!
Kevin: Jane, come on. It's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back.
Jane: No.
Kevin: [takes her hand lovingly] Jane, I need you... to give me fifty bucks.
Jane: [hesitant] ...No?
Kevin: [laughs] See? That was good! [picks up Jane's drink] Jane, can I have your drink?
Jane: Sure.
Tess: You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Jane's Aunt: It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh, that's so noble of you! Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
Kevin: Ah! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
Jane: You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of cristal.
George: Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me?
Jane: Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
George: Nice touch.
Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.
Kevin: Don't you have any needs?
Jane: No. I'm Jesus.
Kevin: I know.
Jane: You do?
Kevin: Yes, I know. You kept repeating that over and over last night. "I never do this... I never do this... I never do this..."
Jane: There's gotta be one thing about weddings that you like.
Kevin: Open bar.
Jane: No.
Kevin: [thinks for a moment] All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. 'Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... [notices Jane giving him a weird look] What the hell are you looking at me like that for?
Jane: Are you shitting me right now?
Kevin: What?
Jane: That's my favorite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common.
Kevin: Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.
[Jane pulls out a garish "Gone With the Wind" dress from her collection.]
Kevin: What is that?
Jane: [holding the dress in front of herself] Theme wedding!
Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?
[Kevin helps Jane practice saying "No".]
Kevin: Jane, give me fifty bucks.
Jane: No!
Kevin: Jane, come on. It's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back.
Jane: No.
Kevin: [takes her hand lovingly] Jane, I need you... to give me fifty bucks.
Jane: [hesitant] ...No?
Kevin: [laughs] See? That was good! [picks up Jane's drink] Jane, can I have your drink?
Jane: Sure.
Tess: You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Jane's Aunt: It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane: Oh, that's so noble of you! Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
Kevin: Ah! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
Jane: You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of cristal.
George: Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me?
Jane: Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
George: Nice touch.
Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.
Kevin: Don't you have any needs?
Jane: No. I'm Jesus.
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He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, "Vodka soda". If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shotgun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?
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Hey, do you wanna come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from Shipping are coming and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.
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I cried like a baby at the Keller wedding.
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I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
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If it was the right thing to do, you'd feel better right now.
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Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.
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Ooh, you clean up good. I might even be into you.
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That's great. I spend two days in bed with a guy and you get flowers.
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Wanna find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?
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What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?
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You kind of look like a shiny mermaid.
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You would rather hang out with Italian models than come with me to my awesome work party?
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You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!