Multiple Characters quotes
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Mandy: [describing the importance of women's power of abstinence] Women have been doing this since... the beginning. It's all part of the system. But you're taking the power and you're ****ing with the system. Now, you realize that we can't let this happen, hmm?
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Candy: [describing the typical sexuality of men] They're like animals; their whole lives revolve around their penises.
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Jerry Anderson: I've jerked off three times since lunch and I've still got this ****ing hard-on.
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Ryan: One - you can't do it. You just can't. This isn't a personal attack towards you, I'm just saying that no man can do it, it goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed. You're gonna piss off the seeds Matt! It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?
Matt: And two?
Ryan: And two, are you out of your ****ing mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich, you think you can go 40 days? Did your brother put you up to this?
Matt: No - in fact he's been about as supportive as you are. Look, this doesn't affect you in any way.
Ryan: Oh, this affects everybody...
Matt: And two?
Ryan: And two, are you out of your ****ing mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich, you think you can go 40 days? Did your brother put you up to this?
Matt: No - in fact he's been about as supportive as you are. Look, this doesn't affect you in any way.
Ryan: Oh, this affects everybody...
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Ryan: Okay, I know you have some Nicole issues right now but...
Matt: I do not have any Nicole issues.
[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]
Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that still infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months'. I mean she's hot Matt, I don't mind looking at her, all I'm saying is - you have issues.
Matt: I do not have any Nicole issues.
[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]
Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that still infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months'. I mean she's hot Matt, I don't mind looking at her, all I'm saying is - you have issues.
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Matt: Have you ever noticed a crack in my ceiling?
Ryan: Dude, you're action packed with issues.
Ryan: Dude, you're action packed with issues.
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Erica: If I told you, "Don't think about the color red", what would you think about?
Matt: Sex.
Matt: Sex.
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Duncan: She said I looked like Lionel Ritchie.
Neil: Well that's great!
Duncan: No it's not.
Neil: Well that's great!
Duncan: No it's not.
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Matt: You gotta... You gotta light a candle or something.
John Sullivan: I'm not gonna light a candle so you can feel better about getting laid!
John Sullivan: I'm not gonna light a candle so you can feel better about getting laid!
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Matt: Listen, isn't part of the priestly thing giving relationship advice?
John Sullivan: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing - and stop calling it that - is not to have sex, remember?
Matt: It's funny. I didn't say a thing about sex.
John Sullivan: Sure you did...
Matt: No, I didn't. I guess thinking about sex is part of the priestly thing - at least for some.
John Sullivan: Get out.
Matt: Fine.
John Sullivan: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing - and stop calling it that - is not to have sex, remember?
Matt: It's funny. I didn't say a thing about sex.
John Sullivan: Sure you did...
Matt: No, I didn't. I guess thinking about sex is part of the priestly thing - at least for some.
John Sullivan: Get out.
Matt: Fine.
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Susie: [after hearing Matt's obviously fake orgasmic moan] What the **** was that? Did you come?
Matt: Uh... yeah.
Susie: No you didn't. You faked it.
Matt: Uh... yeah.
Susie: No you didn't. You faked it.