Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls quotes

67 total quotes

Ace Ventura

View Quote Ace Ventura: Greenwall, hit the lights! The switch on the wall beside you! Go for it! [starts crawling around furiously as if to attempt a daring escape, then stops] ...Flick it, QUICK!
[Greenwall does nothing]
Ace Ventura: All-righty then, shall we go to jail?

View Quote Ace Ventura: I am yet to achieve omnipresent supergalactic oneness.
Monk: No. Wait. There it is! You've just attained it.
Ace Ventura: I have?
Monk: Yes, just now. You are one! I can see it in your eyes. You're more one than anyone!

View Quote Ace Ventura: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
Ouda: It's made from guano.
Ace Ventura: Guano! Sounds so familiar...
[Ace starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.
[Ace drops the bowl spitting the remains of the paste and wiping off his tongue]
Fulton Greenwall: Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Ace Ventura: Yyyyyummay!

View Quote Ace Ventura: Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall: Aren't you going to go investigate?
Ace Ventura: There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
Fulton: But I thought you said...
Ace Ventura: IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Ouda: Here you go.
[hands him a torch]
Ace Ventura: [gives look] Spank you, Helpy Helperton.

View Quote Ace Ventura: What type of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall: The Great White Bat, of course.
Ace Ventura: Corpuscular chiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall: Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
[Natives kneel in respect of the name every time it is mentioned]
Ace Ventura: Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.

View Quote Attendant: Peanuts?
Ace Ventura: [looks down] Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Attendant: [holding bag of peanuts] Peanuts.
Ace Ventura: ...Oh, I see!

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace Ventura: Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
Ashram Monk: No man here... carries with him... a label...
Fulton Greenwall: Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
Ashram Monk: We are all children... of the same life force...
Fulton Greenwall: [thinking of any other descriptions] Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Ashram Monk: Oh, him. This way.

View Quote Fulton Greenwall: You must be very proud, Ace.
Ace Ventura: Pride is an abomination! One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.

View Quote The Tiny Warrior: [shrieking in Watchootoo]
Ace Ventura: What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall: I think he said that she is not a virgin. [looks at Ace]
Ace Ventura: ...They can tell that!?

View Quote Wachati Princess: That is a dart of the Watchootoo shaman!
Ace Ventura: The whattie whattun?

View Quote Wachootoo Medicine Man: [upon seeing Ace] Equinsu... ocha!
Ace Ventura: [to Ouda] ...What does equinsu ocha mean?
Ouda: "White Devil."
Ace Ventura: Well, tell him I'm not.
Ouda: I only met you. How do I know?

View Quote [Ace is horrified at being inside a room decorated with the heads and bodies of animals]
Quinn: Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace Ventura: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.

View Quote [Ace is losing against the Tiny Warrior in the Watchootoo Circle of Death]
Ouda: Ace! He much better fighter than you.
Ace Ventura: [looks annoyed] Doi!

View Quote [after Ace drives the jeep on a disasterous journey through the jungle]
Ace Ventura: Ah, there's the consolate!
Fulton Greenwall: Oh. Thank God.
Ace Ventura: [still driving at top speed] Now if I can JUST find a parkin' spot!
Fulton Greenwall: But don't you think we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?!
Ace Ventura: Nonsense, poopy-pants!
[Ace sends the jeep flipping through the air, until it lands in the carpark]
Ace Ventura: Like a glove!