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Jackie Framm: [just after lightly hitting Buddy's cage, and opening it, in the street] Are you okay, sweetie? Are you okay?
Andrea Framm: [in the car seat] No!!
Andrea Framm: [in the car seat] No!!
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Josh Framm: [starts looking for Buddy after he wakes up Christmas morning] Buddy. [not seeing him under the bed where he expected] Buddy? [leaps out of bed alarmed by not finding him] Buddy!
Jackie Framm: [Josh runs downstairs, finds Buddy, beside Jackie, with a Christmas ribbon on his forehead] Merry Christmas, Josh!
Josh Framm: Buddy! [hugs Buddy, extra heavily, causing Buddy to whine] Thank you, Mom. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Jackie Framm: [Josh runs downstairs, finds Buddy, beside Jackie, with a Christmas ribbon on his forehead] Merry Christmas, Josh!
Josh Framm: Buddy! [hugs Buddy, extra heavily, causing Buddy to whine] Thank you, Mom. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
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Judge Cranfield: Next case: Snively vs. Framm. This one of your high-profile divorce cases?
Bailiff: No, sir. Custody.
Judge Cranfield: Oh, custody. [then sees Buddy, unchained, in his courtroom] Holy Toledo! What is that dog doing in the courtroom?
Bailiff: That's the uh, "child", sir.
Judge Cranfield: That's a pretty ugly kid.
[courtroom attendants laugh at his remark]
Bailiff: It's a dog.
Judge Cranfield: What?
Bailiff: The case is about custody of a dog.
Judge Cranfield: All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of circus. [Norman Snively walks into the courtroom, dressed as a clown, shocking Judge Cranfield] Who the hell are you?
Norman Snively: Mr. Norman F. Snively. I'm the plaintiff.
Judge Cranfield: You look like an idiot!
Norman Snively: Why, thank you, sir.
Bailiff: No, sir. Custody.
Judge Cranfield: Oh, custody. [then sees Buddy, unchained, in his courtroom] Holy Toledo! What is that dog doing in the courtroom?
Bailiff: That's the uh, "child", sir.
Judge Cranfield: That's a pretty ugly kid.
[courtroom attendants laugh at his remark]
Bailiff: It's a dog.
Judge Cranfield: What?
Bailiff: The case is about custody of a dog.
Judge Cranfield: All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of circus. [Norman Snively walks into the courtroom, dressed as a clown, shocking Judge Cranfield] Who the hell are you?
Norman Snively: Mr. Norman F. Snively. I'm the plaintiff.
Judge Cranfield: You look like an idiot!
Norman Snively: Why, thank you, sir.
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Musical Band Teacher (cameo): [Josh is trying to play a trombone] No, no, no. Don't blow so hard. [Josh blows his trombone softer] Okay, blow a little harder. [Josh then blows the trombone's slide completely out; it falls to the ground, then other classmates and band members laugh at him]
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[after Josh's 3-point field-goal, leading the Timberwolves to victory over Warriors]
Jackie Framm: That's my son!
Jackie Framm: That's my son!
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[courtcase of Snively vs. Framm just started and Timberwolves coach Arthur Chaney just walked into the courtroom, unexpectedly]
Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?
Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?
Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, your honor.
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, do your reali... [stammers in shock] Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, '56? Huh, I was at that Celtics game where you did the turn-around jumper, at the buzzer. [light chuckle] I spilled beer all over my wife.
[light laughter in the courtroom]
Bailiff: Your honor?
Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. [clears his throat Bangs Gavel. Buddy barks] Mr. Chaney.
Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult, in our years. I say let Buddy decide.
[court members murmur]
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain ****amanie proposals. But this one I like.
Josh Framm: [a day or two after Principal Pepper fired Coach Barker; knocks on her office door] Mrs. Pepper?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: Um, have you found a basketball coach yet?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm. Yes, Larry's father volunteered. Just until we find a new P.E. teacher.
Josh Framm: [starts to leave, but then goes back to her door] Okay.
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: [opens her door, the second time] Would it be weird, if I make a suggestion?
Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?
Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?
Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, your honor.
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, do your reali... [stammers in shock] Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, '56? Huh, I was at that Celtics game where you did the turn-around jumper, at the buzzer. [light chuckle] I spilled beer all over my wife.
[light laughter in the courtroom]
Bailiff: Your honor?
Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. [clears his throat Bangs Gavel. Buddy barks] Mr. Chaney.
Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult, in our years. I say let Buddy decide.
[court members murmur]
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain ****amanie proposals. But this one I like.
Josh Framm: [a day or two after Principal Pepper fired Coach Barker; knocks on her office door] Mrs. Pepper?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: Um, have you found a basketball coach yet?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm. Yes, Larry's father volunteered. Just until we find a new P.E. teacher.
Josh Framm: [starts to leave, but then goes back to her door] Okay.
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: [opens her door, the second time] Would it be weird, if I make a suggestion?
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[angrilly] I warned you! You had your chance! You flea-bitting mongrel! You're going to the POUND! Do you hear me?! You're going to the pound!
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[just after Josh did a light quick kiss, on her forehead, as he was about to go to his room] What's with Josh?
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[on the phone with an agent] Oh, wait, the Oprah woman... Oprah, you know, the Oprah woman, she likes dogs? I'd LOVE to do Jay Leno! [He puts a can on a stack of the other cans until the stack collapses. Snively notices Josh releasing Buddy from the chain] [angrily] Hey! Get back here with my dog! [He hangs up the phone and runs after Josh and Buddy.]
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[on the phone] No, no, I don't want my dog doing beer commercials.
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By the powers invested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm. [bangs his gavel] Case closed. Thank God.