Multiple Characters quotes
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Jeff McCullaugh: If everybody agrees I'm innocent, how come I'm going BACK to jail?
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Carl Travers: I haven't left the scene of the accident, I'm in it!
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Carl Travers: I was your first, you know that, Arthur? I was your first client, you broke cherry on me.
Arthur: Now is not the time to go down memory lane, Carl.
Arthur: Now is not the time to go down memory lane, Carl.
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Elderly Man: [about Arthur's grandfather] He keeps telling us you're going to make a great lawyer.
Arthur: I wish he could remember that I AM a lawyer.
Elderly Man: Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't, what's it matter? He's still proud of you.
Arthur: I wish he could remember that I AM a lawyer.
Elderly Man: Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't, what's it matter? He's still proud of you.
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Arthur: You keep talking like that and you're not going to get me in bed.
Gail: [pause] Oh yes I am. I've tackled tougher clients than you.
Arthur: Oh yeah? So that's why you went out with me, huh?
Gail: [pause] Oh yes I am. I've tackled tougher clients than you.
Arthur: Oh yeah? So that's why you went out with me, huh?
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Arthur: [Arthur is visiting his client Jeff McCullaugh in jail, and sees that he has been assaulted] Jeff, what happened?
Jeff McCullaugh: Some... somebody beat me up...
Arthur: Why?
Jeff McCullaugh: I dunno, I didn't ask.
Jeff McCullaugh: Some... somebody beat me up...
Arthur: Why?
Jeff McCullaugh: I dunno, I didn't ask.
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Judge Rayford: Did you ever skydive? ... Skydive? Did you ever skydive?
Arthur: No, why?
Judge Rayford: You ought to try it. You might learn something. You know, I was skydiving once and my main chute didn't open. I pulled my reserve which didn't open either. There I was, plunging to the Earth. Just as I hit the tree tops, I discovered the meaning of life.
Arthur: Which is?
Judge Rayford: It sucks, Arthur! It really sucks!
Arthur: No, why?
Judge Rayford: You ought to try it. You might learn something. You know, I was skydiving once and my main chute didn't open. I pulled my reserve which didn't open either. There I was, plunging to the Earth. Just as I hit the tree tops, I discovered the meaning of life.
Arthur: Which is?
Judge Rayford: It sucks, Arthur! It really sucks!
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Officer Leary: I told him to move on, but he continued to use profanity and he refused to leave the premises.
Judge Rayford: What sort of profanity?
Officer Leary: You know, the normal kind.
Judge Rayford: Officer Leary, we've all heard these words before, now for the record what did he say?
Officer Leary: [uncomfortably] He used..."****" a lot.
[quiet laughter from the gallery]
Officer Leary: ..."piss on you"...
[more laughter]
Officer Leary: ...then said he was gonna..."bung-hole the short order chef"..."cream on the waitress"...
[more laughter]
Officer Leary: ...stuff like that, Your Honor.
Dapper Defendant: There's a very good reason for all of that, Your Honor.
Judge Rayford: Oh? What is that?
Dapper Defendant: I'm a diabetic.
[loud laughter from the gallery]
Judge Rayford: I fail to see the connection. I've never heard of diabetes causing foul language!
Dapper Defendant: That's because you're a douchebag.
[entire courtroom erupts into laughter, including Officer Leary before he catches himself and forces a poker face]
Judge Rayford: What sort of profanity?
Officer Leary: You know, the normal kind.
Judge Rayford: Officer Leary, we've all heard these words before, now for the record what did he say?
Officer Leary: [uncomfortably] He used..."****" a lot.
[quiet laughter from the gallery]
Officer Leary: ..."piss on you"...
[more laughter]
Officer Leary: ...then said he was gonna..."bung-hole the short order chef"..."cream on the waitress"...
[more laughter]
Officer Leary: ...stuff like that, Your Honor.
Dapper Defendant: There's a very good reason for all of that, Your Honor.
Judge Rayford: Oh? What is that?
Dapper Defendant: I'm a diabetic.
[loud laughter from the gallery]
Judge Rayford: I fail to see the connection. I've never heard of diabetes causing foul language!
Dapper Defendant: That's because you're a douchebag.
[entire courtroom erupts into laughter, including Officer Leary before he catches himself and forces a poker face]
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Arnie: [In Arthur's place Arnie let slip corrections required in Ralph Agee's case, resulting in his arrest when he was supposed to get probation] If he's not in jail this week, he'll be there next week! Appeal it!
Arthur: [crying] I CAN'T APPEAL IT, HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD! HALF HOUR AFTER THEY PUT HIM IN THE LOCKUP, HE HANGED HIMSELF!
Arthur: [crying] I CAN'T APPEAL IT, HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD! HALF HOUR AFTER THEY PUT HIM IN THE LOCKUP, HE HANGED HIMSELF!
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Elderly Man: Whoa! Where's your teeth?
Arthur: What'd you do with your teeth, Grandpa?
Sam Kirkland: Did I have teeth the last time you visited me?
Elderly Man: Of course you had teeth, you had teeth this morning!
Arthur: What'd you do with your teeth, Grandpa?
Sam Kirkland: Did I have teeth the last time you visited me?
Elderly Man: Of course you had teeth, you had teeth this morning!
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Arthur: [trying to get out of an invitation by the Judge to fly with him] Why don't you take your wife?
Judge Rayford: Ha! The last thing we did together was get married!
Judge Rayford: Ha! The last thing we did together was get married!
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Arthur: [in the judge's helicopter] Where are we going?
Judge Rayford: You wanna go someplace in particular?
Arthur: No. Down, I would prefer to go down...
Judge Rayford: You wanna go someplace in particular?
Arthur: No. Down, I would prefer to go down...
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Arthur: That man is guilty! that man, there, that man is a slime! he is a slime! If he's supposed to go free, then something really wrong is goin' on here!
Judge Fleming: Mr. Kirkland you are out of order!
Arthur: You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he'd like to do it again, he told me so! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's Make A Deal"! "Let's Make A Deal"! Hey Frank, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women! Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?
Frank Bowers: DAMMIT!
Arthur: [to Judge Fleming] You, you sonofabitch, you! You're supposed to STAND for somethin'! You're supposed to protect people! But instead you ****ing murder them!
[dragged out of court by bailiffs]
Arthur: You killed McCullough! You killed him! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!
Judge Fleming: Mr. Kirkland you are out of order!
Arthur: You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he'd like to do it again, he told me so! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's Make A Deal"! "Let's Make A Deal"! Hey Frank, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women! Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?
Frank Bowers: DAMMIT!
Arthur: [to Judge Fleming] You, you sonofabitch, you! You're supposed to STAND for somethin'! You're supposed to protect people! But instead you ****ing murder them!
[dragged out of court by bailiffs]
Arthur: You killed McCullough! You killed him! Hold it! Hold it! I just completed my opening statement!