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"Enjoy your world that's entirely bug-free! Just sign right here and leave the killing to me!" I wrote that.
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Head of Council: Human. You have been brought before the council to face judgment for crimes against the colony. Read the charges.
Council Guard: "This human-destructor beast hereafter referred to as Peanut the Destroyer did willfully and with malice aforethought crush the food-storage chambers flood all of the lower hatching chambers and douse the colony with the dreaded yellow rain."
[The ants collectively grimace in disgust]
Lucas: Hey, come on - I had to go!
Head of Council: [Banging drum] Sentencing of the human will be handed down by the queen herself.
[The ants bow as the Queen Ant appears]
Queen Ant: Greetings, my children... and to our unusual guest. A human that threatens the very existence of our colony.
Lucas: Wait a second! Wait, wait, wait, time out. How was I supposed to know ants have feelings or families or trials? You're just a bunch of stupid ants!
Ant #1: Destroy the destroyer!
Ant #2: Throw him in the pit!
Little Ant: Let's eat him!
Zoc: No, wait. We are not mindless savages! This human should be studied. And then we'll eat him!
Ants: [Chanting] Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat!
Head of Council: ORDER! ORDER! [Banging drum]
Queen Ant: Be still, be still. Tonight, we have a choice. We could destroy this human and make safe this day. Or we could change the nature of his human and perhaps create a brighter future for all ants. I, therefore, send the human to live and work in the colony, to learn our ways. He must ... become an ant.
Lucas/Zoc: What?!
Zoc: No. No, my Queen! What if he does not become an ant? Okay? I mean, come on!
Queen Ant: That would be ... regrettable.
Zoc: But - But who will teach him our ways?
Hova: [Stepping forwards] I will.
Zoc: Hova?
Queen Ant: It is done. Let us continue our work.
[She disappears as the court begins to disperse]
Lucas: That's it? How long am I gonna be like this? I wanna go home! Wait! It's inhuman!
Head of Council: [Turning back to Lucas] Yes. It is.
Council Guard: "This human-destructor beast hereafter referred to as Peanut the Destroyer did willfully and with malice aforethought crush the food-storage chambers flood all of the lower hatching chambers and douse the colony with the dreaded yellow rain."
[The ants collectively grimace in disgust]
Lucas: Hey, come on - I had to go!
Head of Council: [Banging drum] Sentencing of the human will be handed down by the queen herself.
[The ants bow as the Queen Ant appears]
Queen Ant: Greetings, my children... and to our unusual guest. A human that threatens the very existence of our colony.
Lucas: Wait a second! Wait, wait, wait, time out. How was I supposed to know ants have feelings or families or trials? You're just a bunch of stupid ants!
Ant #1: Destroy the destroyer!
Ant #2: Throw him in the pit!
Little Ant: Let's eat him!
Zoc: No, wait. We are not mindless savages! This human should be studied. And then we'll eat him!
Ants: [Chanting] Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat! Eat!
Head of Council: ORDER! ORDER! [Banging drum]
Queen Ant: Be still, be still. Tonight, we have a choice. We could destroy this human and make safe this day. Or we could change the nature of his human and perhaps create a brighter future for all ants. I, therefore, send the human to live and work in the colony, to learn our ways. He must ... become an ant.
Lucas/Zoc: What?!
Zoc: No. No, my Queen! What if he does not become an ant? Okay? I mean, come on!
Queen Ant: That would be ... regrettable.
Zoc: But - But who will teach him our ways?
Hova: [Stepping forwards] I will.
Zoc: Hova?
Queen Ant: It is done. Let us continue our work.
[She disappears as the court begins to disperse]
Lucas: That's it? How long am I gonna be like this? I wanna go home! Wait! It's inhuman!
Head of Council: [Turning back to Lucas] Yes. It is.
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Hova: [crosses her heart] Cross my heart. I will not eat you.
Lucas: I said cross your heart, not your butt!
Hova: I just did. See? Did it again. [to herself] Strange custom.
Lucas: I said cross your heart, not your butt!
Hova: I just did. See? Did it again. [to herself] Strange custom.
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Kreela: What are you doing? Why aren't you grabbing the red ones?
Fugax: Well, it's actually quite simple, sugar-lips. I hate the red ones.
Kreela: Well, I love the red ones!
Fugax: Hate them.
Kreela: I love them!
Fugax: Hate them!
Kreela: Love them!
Fugax: Hate them!
Kreela: Love them!
Fugax: Believe me, you find me attractive.
Kreela: What?!
Fugax: Oh, how you tease me with that sweet talk. [barks at her slovenly]
Kreela: Oh. You want some sweet talk? [grabs Fugax by the antennas] 'Cause I'll give you some sweet talk. Now grab a red one before I pull these off!
Fugax: Whoa, I need those!
Fugax: Well, it's actually quite simple, sugar-lips. I hate the red ones.
Kreela: Well, I love the red ones!
Fugax: Hate them.
Kreela: I love them!
Fugax: Hate them!
Kreela: Love them!
Fugax: Hate them!
Kreela: Love them!
Fugax: Believe me, you find me attractive.
Kreela: What?!
Fugax: Oh, how you tease me with that sweet talk. [barks at her slovenly]
Kreela: Oh. You want some sweet talk? [grabs Fugax by the antennas] 'Cause I'll give you some sweet talk. Now grab a red one before I pull these off!
Fugax: Whoa, I need those!
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Zoc: [stops Lucas from going in the ant hill] Hi, there. How are you?
Lucas: [intimidated] Okay.
Zoc: Okay? That's good. It's good to be okay. Listen, I just want to show you something if that's okay with you.
[The two walk on, before Zoc brings a potion out and shows it to Lucas]
Zoc: You know what this is? This is the potion that will make you big again. I just wanted you to take a good long look at it, because this is the last time you will ever see it. [takes the potion away]
Lucas: [stammers] Wha-What do you mean?
Zoc: I mean, there is no way I'm ever making you big again. Ever. [serious] You are a threat to every ant in this colony. Especially to Hova.
Lucas: But I would never do anything to hurt her. I just-I-I just wanna go home.
Zoc: Well, if I were you, I'd go find help someplace else, because there is nothing for you.
[The crystal on Zoc's staff starts to glow in an attempt to scare to Lucas]
Zoc: Nothing.
[Lucas stumbles backwards, before running away as Zoc stares at him sternly].
Lucas: [intimidated] Okay.
Zoc: Okay? That's good. It's good to be okay. Listen, I just want to show you something if that's okay with you.
[The two walk on, before Zoc brings a potion out and shows it to Lucas]
Zoc: You know what this is? This is the potion that will make you big again. I just wanted you to take a good long look at it, because this is the last time you will ever see it. [takes the potion away]
Lucas: [stammers] Wha-What do you mean?
Zoc: I mean, there is no way I'm ever making you big again. Ever. [serious] You are a threat to every ant in this colony. Especially to Hova.
Lucas: But I would never do anything to hurt her. I just-I-I just wanna go home.
Zoc: Well, if I were you, I'd go find help someplace else, because there is nothing for you.
[The crystal on Zoc's staff starts to glow in an attempt to scare to Lucas]
Zoc: Nothing.
[Lucas stumbles backwards, before running away as Zoc stares at him sternly].
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[the teaser trailer begins as the bell rings for the interview]
Interviewer: Okay, auditioning for The Ant Bully, the role of terrified ant number 1,697.
[takes a cut, lying the quarter on the ground]
Female Ant: Run! Run for your lives! Destroyer is coming! I am terrified! [wailing, throwing the paper]
Interviewer: Thank you.
Male Ant 1: It is destroya. Come with me if you want to leave.
Male Ant 2: Expecto Patronum!
Interviewer: [chuckling] Wrong movie.
Beetle: Run! Run, I say!
Interviewer: Uh, pardon me.
Bettle: Uh, what?
Interviewer: You're not an ant, are you?
Bettle: I can do ant.
Interviewer: I'm sorry. We need a red ant.
Beetle: I can do ant!
[cut to the beatboxer ants]
Beatboxer Ant 1: You want me at number 1697! I'm gonna send this destroya straight to heaven!
Beatboxer Ant 2: You better believe that! Eenie-weenie, weenie-uh.
Beetle: Oh, no! The destroya was come to destroy me, because I'm ant, now!
Interviewer: Excuse me. Did you just paint yourself red?
Beetle: No! [the red paint falls on the quarter] Yes.
Interviewer: Yeah, listen. The movie is called The Ant Bully.
Beetle: What about the bully role? I can do real me. Watch this. Yo!
Interviewer: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The bully role has been cast already.
Beetle: Oh. To who?
[the interviewer clears throat, pointing the hand, then looking up at Lucas from toe to head]
Beetle: Hey, you're just a little kid! Aren't you the cutest thing?
[he begins to step on the red Beetle on the quarter]
Beetle: Oh my goodness.
[the title card appears]
Beetle: I'm okay!
[he steps on the red bettle and the quarter]
Beetle: Cut.
Interviewer: Okay, auditioning for The Ant Bully, the role of terrified ant number 1,697.
[takes a cut, lying the quarter on the ground]
Female Ant: Run! Run for your lives! Destroyer is coming! I am terrified! [wailing, throwing the paper]
Interviewer: Thank you.
Male Ant 1: It is destroya. Come with me if you want to leave.
Male Ant 2: Expecto Patronum!
Interviewer: [chuckling] Wrong movie.
Beetle: Run! Run, I say!
Interviewer: Uh, pardon me.
Bettle: Uh, what?
Interviewer: You're not an ant, are you?
Bettle: I can do ant.
Interviewer: I'm sorry. We need a red ant.
Beetle: I can do ant!
[cut to the beatboxer ants]
Beatboxer Ant 1: You want me at number 1697! I'm gonna send this destroya straight to heaven!
Beatboxer Ant 2: You better believe that! Eenie-weenie, weenie-uh.
Beetle: Oh, no! The destroya was come to destroy me, because I'm ant, now!
Interviewer: Excuse me. Did you just paint yourself red?
Beetle: No! [the red paint falls on the quarter] Yes.
Interviewer: Yeah, listen. The movie is called The Ant Bully.
Beetle: What about the bully role? I can do real me. Watch this. Yo!
Interviewer: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The bully role has been cast already.
Beetle: Oh. To who?
[the interviewer clears throat, pointing the hand, then looking up at Lucas from toe to head]
Beetle: Hey, you're just a little kid! Aren't you the cutest thing?
[he begins to step on the red Beetle on the quarter]
Beetle: Oh my goodness.
[the title card appears]
Beetle: I'm okay!
[he steps on the red bettle and the quarter]
Beetle: Cut.
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[Zoc enters the room, humming happily to himself. Hova notices this, but doesn't see Lucas with him]
Hova: Where's Lucas?
Zoc: [feigning oblivion] Isn't he with you?
Hova: [confused] No.
Zoc: [pretending to call for him] Lucas? Lucas! Huh, that's weird. Well, he's probably off destroying some other poor, unfortunate colony. You know how they are, destroyers.
Hova: [sternly] Zoc, what did you do?
Zoc: Wha-what did I do?
Hova: Where is he?
Zoc: He's gone.
[Hova gasps and runs out to look for Lucas, but Zoc stops her]
Zoc: He led you into a trap, Hova.
Hova: There was no trap! He led us to food, he was trying to protect us from-from...
Zoc: From what, Hova? What?
Hova: From something.
Zoc: [sarcastically] Oh, something! And I was worried it was from nothing! [angrily] He's blinded you, Hova.
Hova: [angrily] No, you are the one that's blind!
[Kreela and Fugan are seen to be awkwardly watching the confrontation]
Hova: You are so consumed from your hatred for the humans, you only see what you want to see.
Zoc: Oh, come on!
Hova: [calmer] Zoc, I see a young pupa, a human learning our ways, becoming part of this colony, becoming an ant.
Zoc: Impossible.
Hova: Listen to yourself, Zoc! A wizard knows no such word! So, what are you now? [on the verge of tears] Certainly not the ant I love.
[She begins to walks away from Zoc]
Zoc: Hova, I did it for you. For the colony.
Hova: You did it for yourself.
[She leaves]
Zoc: Hova, I... [hesitates not knowing to say]
Fugax: [standing up] He won't make it through the night alone.
Kreela: Fugax, your leg's still broken.
Fugax: Yeah, well, I still got five good ones. Very good ones.
[He leaves as well]
Kreela: [as she's walking out] You know, I think he really was trying to protect us from something. See ya, Zoc.
[She also leaves. Spindle goes to join the group, but not before giving his master a disappointed look. Zoc looks down to the floor, ashamed and alone]
Hova: Where's Lucas?
Zoc: [feigning oblivion] Isn't he with you?
Hova: [confused] No.
Zoc: [pretending to call for him] Lucas? Lucas! Huh, that's weird. Well, he's probably off destroying some other poor, unfortunate colony. You know how they are, destroyers.
Hova: [sternly] Zoc, what did you do?
Zoc: Wha-what did I do?
Hova: Where is he?
Zoc: He's gone.
[Hova gasps and runs out to look for Lucas, but Zoc stops her]
Zoc: He led you into a trap, Hova.
Hova: There was no trap! He led us to food, he was trying to protect us from-from...
Zoc: From what, Hova? What?
Hova: From something.
Zoc: [sarcastically] Oh, something! And I was worried it was from nothing! [angrily] He's blinded you, Hova.
Hova: [angrily] No, you are the one that's blind!
[Kreela and Fugan are seen to be awkwardly watching the confrontation]
Hova: You are so consumed from your hatred for the humans, you only see what you want to see.
Zoc: Oh, come on!
Hova: [calmer] Zoc, I see a young pupa, a human learning our ways, becoming part of this colony, becoming an ant.
Zoc: Impossible.
Hova: Listen to yourself, Zoc! A wizard knows no such word! So, what are you now? [on the verge of tears] Certainly not the ant I love.
[She begins to walks away from Zoc]
Zoc: Hova, I did it for you. For the colony.
Hova: You did it for yourself.
[She leaves]
Zoc: Hova, I... [hesitates not knowing to say]
Fugax: [standing up] He won't make it through the night alone.
Kreela: Fugax, your leg's still broken.
Fugax: Yeah, well, I still got five good ones. Very good ones.
[He leaves as well]
Kreela: [as she's walking out] You know, I think he really was trying to protect us from something. See ya, Zoc.
[She also leaves. Spindle goes to join the group, but not before giving his master a disappointed look. Zoc looks down to the floor, ashamed and alone]
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[Zoc is trying to crack some rock in order to get fire crystals for his potion, disturbing ants that are trying to sleep]
1st Ant: Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
2nd Ant: Yeah, this is sleeping chamber. Go to sleep.
1st Ant: Don't make me come up there!
Zoc: I'm so sorry. But I must have the final ingredient for my potion. Now, what's more impotent? Me completing my life's work for the salvation of the colony - which includes you guys - or your sleep?
1st Ant: Sleep. I'm going with sleep.
2nd Ant: Yeah, the second one.
Zoc: Well then I will try to be very quiet.
[With his staff, Zoc explodes the rock that he's on which makes some debris fall onto the sleeping ants.]
1st Ant: That's it - I'm coming up there!
[A large rock suddenly lands on his head, making him unconscious]
1st Ant: Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
2nd Ant: Yeah, this is sleeping chamber. Go to sleep.
1st Ant: Don't make me come up there!
Zoc: I'm so sorry. But I must have the final ingredient for my potion. Now, what's more impotent? Me completing my life's work for the salvation of the colony - which includes you guys - or your sleep?
1st Ant: Sleep. I'm going with sleep.
2nd Ant: Yeah, the second one.
Zoc: Well then I will try to be very quiet.
[With his staff, Zoc explodes the rock that he's on which makes some debris fall onto the sleeping ants.]
1st Ant: That's it - I'm coming up there!
[A large rock suddenly lands on his head, making him unconscious]
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[Zoc is working on his potion]
Zoc: I, Zoc, call upon the elements: the wind that blows; rain that falls; fire that burns. Deliver your awesome power and transform my potion. Clacktiel!
[He bangs fire crystals together but nothing happens, save for a measly wisp of smoke]
Hova: [clapping for Zoc] Yay! That was great, sweetie! I loved the smoke effect. [To Spindle] Didn't you, Spindle?
[Spindle chirps in agreement]
Zoc: Craznocks! [To fire crystal] Yooouuu... rock. Curse upon your children!
Hova: I don't think rocks have children, honey.
Zoc: [Throws fire crystal to the ground; sulkily] They won't now.
Hova: Okay, what's the matter?
Zoc: Hova, the potion is supposed to change color. It's not changing color! IT’S NOT CHANGING COLOR! [Grabs two more fire crystals] I call upon the wind, rain, et cetera, transform my potion and Clacktiel!
[Once again nothing happens, just smoke.]
Zoc: URRRRGH!!! [he angrily bangs them against each other a few more times] CLACKTIEL! CLACKTIEL! TICK-CLACKITY-CLACK!
Hova: Oh, maybe you're pronouncing it wrong.
Zoc: How could I pronounce it wrong? I made it up!
Zoc: I, Zoc, call upon the elements: the wind that blows; rain that falls; fire that burns. Deliver your awesome power and transform my potion. Clacktiel!
[He bangs fire crystals together but nothing happens, save for a measly wisp of smoke]
Hova: [clapping for Zoc] Yay! That was great, sweetie! I loved the smoke effect. [To Spindle] Didn't you, Spindle?
[Spindle chirps in agreement]
Zoc: Craznocks! [To fire crystal] Yooouuu... rock. Curse upon your children!
Hova: I don't think rocks have children, honey.
Zoc: [Throws fire crystal to the ground; sulkily] They won't now.
Hova: Okay, what's the matter?
Zoc: Hova, the potion is supposed to change color. It's not changing color! IT’S NOT CHANGING COLOR! [Grabs two more fire crystals] I call upon the wind, rain, et cetera, transform my potion and Clacktiel!
[Once again nothing happens, just smoke.]
Zoc: URRRRGH!!! [he angrily bangs them against each other a few more times] CLACKTIEL! CLACKTIEL! TICK-CLACKITY-CLACK!
Hova: Oh, maybe you're pronouncing it wrong.
Zoc: How could I pronounce it wrong? I made it up!
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[after entering Lucas' house] And to think that all of this is made with your own poop! [sniffs the air] Nice.
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[First words to Lucas] Human! Come with us!
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[repeated line] A wizard knows no such word.
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[repeated line] For queen and colony!
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[To Hova, about Lucas] This is our E-NE-MY. They do not save ants, they kill ants! He very nearly killed me! [sighs] Or does that not matter to you?
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[To Lucas] Calling a human "friend". I thought that impossible, until you came. [Lucas says to him "A wizard knows no such word."] Very true. Here. [He gives to Lucas the potion that will make him big again]. But just wait until you're outside, before you drink it.