The Awful Truth quotes

View Quote Jerry: I told you we'd have trouble with this...In a half an hour, we'll no longer be 'Mr. and Mrs.' Funny, isn't it?
Lucy: Yes, it's funny that everything's the way it is on account of the way you feel.
Jerry: Huh?
Lucy: Well, I mean if you didn't feel the way you do, things wouldn't be the way they are, would they? Well, I mean things could be the same if things were different.
Jerry: But things are the way you made them.
Lucy: Oh no. No, things are the way you think I made them. I didn't make them that way at all. Things are just the same as they always were, only you're the same as you were, too, so I guess things will never be the same again. Good night.

View Quote Jerry: I'm in love with love. In the spring, a young man's fancy likely turns to, uh, what he's been thinking about all winter. How long have you been talking like Amos and Andy, huh?
Dixie Belle: Oh, for quite some time. I got wise to the fact that it helps me in my work. So as long as I loved my work, you'll all have to pardon my Southern accent.

View Quote Jerry: Look, why don't you two get up and dance, or don't you dance?
Daniel: Uh, Lucy doesn't care very much about dancing. Didn't you know that?
Jerry: Did Lucy tell you that? She's holding out on ya. She's a beautiful dancer. Why, I used to call her 'Twinkle-toes.' [grinning] Hello Twinkle-toes.
Daniel: Have you been foolin' me, you little rascal?
Lucy: Well, to tell you the truth, Dan, I-I didn't think you cared much about it.
Daniel: Care about it? Why, I could dance till the cows come home! I won several cups at it myself.
Lucy: We never won any cups.
Jerry: Maybe you had the wrong partner.
Daniel: There's a lot in what you say.

View Quote Jerry: Our divorce was one of those tragedies that you read about in the papers - a trusting woman and a worthless man. I was never good enough for Lucy, and well, finally she found it out. Lucy is above suspicion and always has been. She's as pure as the driven snow, as faithful as she is fair. And I would that I had been worthy to kiss the hem of her garment. Never during our marital bliss did she cause me one moment's uneasiness. Never did I have to ask, 'Lucy, where have you been? What were you doing?' I always knew. I tell you, something wonderful went out of my life when I lost her.
Daniel: Oh, I know just how you feel.
Jerry: How do ya know? How can you know how it feels to have used up the best years of a woman's life? Well, of course, that's the way it goes.

View Quote Jerry: This is my day to visit Mr. Smith.
Lucy: He's only my husband for - how much longer is it now? Sixty days?
Jerry: Fifty-nine.
Lucy: Oh, that's better. Only fifty-nine days. Don't worry about him, he has a Continental mind.
Daniel: [They shake hands] I'm glad to know ya.
Jerry: How can you be glad to know me? I know how I'd feel if I was sitting with a girl and her husband walked in.
Lucy: I'll bet you do.
Jerry: [To Lucy] You know, I don't think you ought to go around telling people you're not married. He looks like a nice sort of fella. How do you think he feels?
Lucy: Why don't you go and play with the dog?
Jerry: Don't mind me.
Lucy: [to Daniel] Tell me some more about Arizona.
Daniel: Oklahoma.

View Quote Jerry: What do you see in this fellow?
Lucy: Oh, none of your business.
Jerry: Not that I care, but uh, what kind of mind could he have that would impress you, huh?
Lucy: You might be surprised. You could take a few lessons and profit nicely.
Jerry: You'd be surprised what I'd give to get an earful of that.

View Quote Jerry: You just thought that if I'd stay up there, you'd show me exactly how innocent a night in the country could be, didn't you?
Lucy: Are you still harping on that same old string? Well, it's a matter of complete indifference to me whether you go or stay. I was just trying to make it easier for you, that's all.

View Quote Lucy: [about Daniel] He's sweet and thoughtful...sane and considerate. I was married to one who was insane and inconsiderate.
Aunt Patsy: I didn't expect you to get silly about him...It's fine except the rebound is rarely the real thing. As a matter of fact, it's the bunk.
Lucy: Well, I'm serious about Daniel and I like him. I like him very much. I'm all through with Jerry. He doesn't mean a thing to me. I don't love him, and what's more, I probably never did. I'm sure I never loved him and now I hate him. And that surprises you, doesn't it? I hate Jerry Warriner and I like Daniel Leeson very very much and I hope he's just crazy about me because I think he's the finest man I ever met.

View Quote Lucy: I've told you the truth about all this, Jerry. Don't you see that there can't be any doubt in marriage? The whole thing's built on faith. If you've lost that, well, you've lost everything.
Jerry: Then I guess we're washed up because we've lost faith in each other.
Lucy: Do you mean that?...All right then, that settles it. I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on, divorce me. Go on, divorce me! It'll be a pleasure. [he refuses] All right, then I'll divorce you. I believe it's customary anyhow for the wife to bring suit. It has something to do with a husband being a gentleman, if you know what I mean? I'll call up our lawyer right now.

View Quote Lucy: It's enough to destroy one's faith, isn't it?
Jerry: Oh, I haven't any faith left in anyone.
Lucy: I know just how you feel.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Lucy: You didn't happen to mention in any of your letters what a terrible rainy spell they were having in Florida. The papers were full of it.
Jerry: Well, I can explain that, Lucy.
Lucy: You can?
Jerry: And don't try to change the subject. You think a great offense is a great defense. Don't try to justify your behavior by insinuating things about me.
Lucy: But I haven't any behavior to justify. I've just been unlucky, that's all. You've come home and caught me in a truth and it seems there's nothing less logical than the truth.
Jerry: Hmm, a philosopher, huh?
Lucy: You don't believe me.
Jerry: Oh, how can I believe you? The car broke down. People stopped believing that one before cars stopped breaking down.
Lucy: Well, his car's very old.
Jerry: Well, so's his story.

View Quote Lucy: You're all confused, aren't you?
Jerry: Uh-huh. Aren't you?
Lucy: No.
Jerry: Well, you should be, because you're wrong about things being different because they're not the same. Things are different, except in a different way. You're still the same, only I've been a fool. Well, I'm not now. So, as long as I'm different, don't you think that, well, maybe things could be the same again? Only a little different, huh?
Lucy: Do you mean that, Jerry? Are you sure?
Jerry: Mmm, hmm.
Lucy: No more doubts?...No more being...?
Jerry: Except, uh...
Lucy: Except what?
Jerry: Well, there's only one thing that bothers me.
Lucy: What?
Jerry: [The door opens] This darn lock.
Lucy: Oh, is that all?

View Quote [Lucy poses as Jerry's sister, Lola]
Lola: [while pulling on her handkerchief] Will you excuse me, Mrs. Vance? Thank you. [Mrs. Vance rises, but Lola is the one sitting on the handkerchief] Oh look, it's me, isn't it?! [They both resume their seats and Lola again pulls on the handkerchief] It's you this time, Mrs. Vance. [Mrs. Vance rises again] Look, I'll just put it over here and get it out of the way.
[Mrs. Vance sits down again and shoots upward, after sitting on Lola's hand]
Lola: I guess that could go on and on and on and on.
Mrs. Vance: I hope not!
Lola: Well, I don't want to be rude but may I have a drink?...I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off, and you know how that is.

View Quote [about Jerry] I'm convinced he must care about me or he wouldn't do the funny things he does.

View Quote [to Barbara] I've seen your pictures in the paper and I've wondered what you look like.

View Quote [to Barbara] You can't have a happy married life if you're always suspicious. No. There can't be any doubts in marriage. Marriage is based on faith and if you've lost that, you've lost everything.