Barbarella quotes

View Quote The Chamber: Ye who have chosen to die, be welcome! To terminate the bitterness of life, you are entitled to select from three exciting and surprising forms of death, one of which awaits beyond each of the doors you see before you. Should you fail to choose, you will be given to the Mathmos. There is no appeal.

View Quote [A nude Barbarella answers her wallscreen call from the President of Earth.]
President: Barbarella?
Barbarella: Mr. President!
[The President takes a long look, then greets her officially.]
President: Love.
Barbarella: Love.
[The President turns away from the screen.]
Barbarella: Just a moment — I'll slip something on.
President: Don't trouble yourself. This is an affair of state.

View Quote [As Barbarella dreamily wanders around her repaired ship after making love with Mark Hand...]
Mark Hand: And now, Barbarella... don't you agree with me? That in some things, the old-fashioned ways are best after all?
Barbarella: What? Oh, that. Yes, I must admit it was rather... interesting. Still, I see what they mean by saying it's distracting.

View Quote [As Barbarella is dragged off, the Great Tyrant lays out Pygar and sinuously crawls over him.]
Great Tyrant: Tell me, my fancy, fuzzy freak — what do you think of, when you make love to Barbarella?
Pygar: Make love? I do not understand.
Great Tyrant: Don't be coy with me — you are in no position. If only you had one eye in your head...
[In his "touching" style, he caresses her... features.]
Great Tyrant: ... you would see what a delight I am! My face, my body — all my things are a delight! An exquisite delight.
Pygar: What is it you want?
Great Tyrant: I shall share my delights with you. You shall make love to me.
Pygar: An angel does not make love. An angel is love.
Great Tyrant: Then you're a dead duck. Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake!

View Quote [Barbarella and the Great Tyrant are in a small bubble inside the swirling lava-lamp-like Mathmos.]
Barbarella: Where are we?
Great Tyrant: In the Mathmos, and alive!
Barbarella: I can see that, but why?
Great Tyrant: It seems the Mathmos has created this bubble to protect itself from your innocence.
. . .
[The women's bubble is deposited on solid ground, breaking open.]
Great Tyrant: You are so good, you made the Mathmos vomit.

View Quote [Barbarella draws Pygar's hand across some raised lettering.]
Barbarella: Pygar, come. Tell me what that means.
Pygar: "Chamber... of Ultimate... Solution".
Barbarella: I don't like the sound of that.

View Quote [Barbarella falls down a chute into a room filled with phallic transport tubes, operated by a wiry, caped man.]
Dildano: The password — quickly!
Barbarella: I don't understand!
Dildano: Are you not a political prisoner?
Barbarella: I don't think so.
Dildano: Then you're not one of us.
Barbarella: I'm from Earth.
Dildano: Earth! Planet of the revolutions! W-w-will you join our cause?
Barbarella: What cause? Who are you?
Dildano: I-I'm Dildano, head of the revolutionary forces. This is our headquarters.
. . .
Barbarella: I suppose you realize you've saved my life.
Dildano: A life without cause is a life without effect.
Barbarella: Well, I-I'm sure I could get you a substantial recompense from my government.
Dildano: Earth woman. Shall I tell you what I would like?
[She gives him a rather pleased look.]
Barbarella: I think I know.
[She moves toward a bed and begins to undress.]
Dildano: No! No, not like that! Like on Earth, on-on-on Ea— on Earth! The pill! I-I-I have the pill!
Barbarella: But... uh... Couldn't we do it your way? I don't want to change your traditions.

View Quote [Barbarella meets the blind, angelic ornithanthrope Pygar.]
Barbarella: I'm from the planet Earth. My name is Barbarella.
[He reaches out and caresses her face.]
Pygar: But you're soft and warm! We're told that Earth beings are cold.
Barbarella: [slyly smiling] Not all of us.

View Quote [Barbarella survives the Concierge's deadly musical orgasm machine, but it overloads, the cables catching fire.]
Concierge: I don't believe it! Wretched, wretched girl! What have you done to my Exsexive Machine?! You've undone it! You've undone me! Look! The energy cables are shrinking! You've turned them into ****s! You've— you've burned out the Exsexive Machine! You've blown all its fuses!
Barbarella: [sighing] My goodness!

View Quote [Barbarella thanks Mark Hand for saving her from the vicious biting dolls.]
Barbarella: I'm so grateful for what you've done, I hardly know how to begin to thank you. I'm positive I can get you some sort of recompense from my government. I mean, if— if there's anything you need, or that I can do, please tell me.
Mark Hand: Well, you could let me... make love to you.
Barbarella: "Make love", did you say?
Mark Hand: Yes!
Barbarella: What do you mean? You don't even know my psychocardiogram!
Mark Hand: Eh?
Barbarella: Well, on Earth, for centuries, people haven't made love unless their psychocardiogram readings were in perfect confluence.
. . .
Barbarella: Do you have any pills?
Mark Hand: Pills?!
Barbarella: Oh, never mind. I have some here.
Mark Hand: Uh, b-b-uh... what is this pill?
Barbarella: It's an exhaltation transference pellet, of course.
Mark Hand: Hmm. I know nothing of this.
Barbarella: I see. Well, on Earth, when our psychocardiogram readings are in perfect confluence, and we wish to "make love", as you call it, we take an exhaltation transference pellet, and remain like this — here, let me show you...
[She kneels across the chamber from him, stretches out her hand, and closes her eyes.]
Barbarella: ... for one minute, or until full rapport is achieved.
. . .
Mark Hand: Ah! I don't care for that!
[He points toward the bed.]
Mark Hand: This! This is what I mean. This! The bed.
Barbarella: That?! But nobody's done that for centuries! I mean, nobody except the very poor, who can't afford the pills and the psychocardiogram readings.
Mark Hand: Why not?
Barbarella: 'Cause it was proved to be distracting and a danger to maximum efficiency! And... and because it was pointless to continue it when other substitutes for ego support and self-esteem were made available.

View Quote [Barbarella tries to rouse the Queen in her Chamber of Dreams.]
Barbarella: Wake up, Your Majesty! You must wake up!
Great Tyrant: Vade retro, Earth girl! I know you don't really exist.[N]
Barbarella: That may be, Your Majesty, but we'd better stick to what we see.

View Quote [Dildano arranges a clandestine meeting with Professor Ping.]
Dildano: Our rendezvous point will be at 1600 hours. And our password will be... "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".
Barbarella: You mean, the secret "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"?
Dildano: Exactly.

View Quote [Dildano looks at his secret chute map.]
Dildano: The time is right! The Queen is in her Chamber of Dreams.
Barbarella: What about the key?
Dildano: Ah, the key.
[He brings over a case and opens it, revealing... nothing.]
Dildano: There is the secret key.
Dildano: Where?
Dildano: It's invisible, of course. Only an invisible key can open an invisible wall.

View Quote [Dildano tries to enlist Barbarella's aid in defeating the Black Queen.]
Dildano: She sleeps alone in a room above the Mathmos, surrounded by a wall of impenetrable energy, to which she alone has the secret key. There exists, however, a second secret key, which my agents have located, and is now in my possession. You want to discover the whereabouts of Durand Durand. I want to capture the Black Queen. You follow my meaning.
Barbarella: If you really do have the second secret key... why haven't you used it already?
Dildano: Ah!
[He looks confused.]
Dildano: Ah. Ah — ah! Because our forces have not as yet been strong enough! The capture of the Black Queen, ah... has to be associated with a military... coup! Hmm. With your weaponry and spacecraft, this can be brought about. With the Black Queen in your control, you can get her to divulge the whereabouts of Durand Durand!
Barbarella: Yes, I see.
[He turns to look at her, relieved.]
Dildano: Good.

View Quote [Escaping from the Great Tyrant, Barbarella hears a nearby commotion.]
Barbarella: That's screaming! A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.