The Cable Guy quotes

12 total quotes

Chip Douglas

View Quote Cop: Play us a song!
Chip: Oh, no! I couldn't... all right, already. I fought the law, and the law won. You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called Gimme Shelter, about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.

View Quote Steven: Can I get a knife and fork?
Melinda: There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils at Medieval Times. Now, would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
Steven: There were no utensils, but there was Pepsi?
Melinda: Dude, I've got a lot of tables.

View Quote (during Steven's nightmare)I just wanna hang out! NO BIG DEEEEEAAAALLL!!!

View Quote Doth thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight, and has a king's thirst for the frosty brew that doth might brow for doth!

View Quote He's projecting all of his anger onto me. Maybe I should go.

View Quote I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

View Quote I learned the facts of life by watching The Facts of Life!

View Quote Really? So you call me? Ha, funny how you call when you NEED something. Is that how you treat people?

View Quote Time to take a ride on the information superhighway.

View Quote Yeah, I was taking a shower and I heard the phone ring. Has that ever happened to you? Call me back later, we'll talk about it.

View Quote You can watch the Louvre on one channel or watch female mud-wrestling on another! You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam!

View Quote You know, the problem with real life is there's no danger music! [begins humming]