Caddyshack quotes

View Quote "Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? S****! Slime! Menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. It's about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. -- I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about five thousand gallons of water down there to teach you a little bit of a lesson. Is that it? I think it is!

View Quote "[After long extended fart]" What, did someone just step on a duck?

View Quote
I have to laugh because I've often asked myself my foe, my enemy, is an animal. In order to conquer him I have to think like an animal and whenever possible to look like one. I've got to get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who is the gopher's ally? His friend? The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. I'm going to use you guys to do my dirty work for me.

View Quote Dr. Beeper: We're about to tee off now so call the hospital and move my appointment with Mrs. Bellows back 90 minutes...Just snake a tube down her nose and I'll be there...in four or five hours.

View Quote Lacey Underall: [to Ty] Will you forget the massage and just kiss me, you fool?

View Quote Lou Loomis: Gentlemen, we all know this is illegal and against Club practice and I'd like to ask at this time if you all agree to waive all sanction against said referee or anything that might get me fired.

View Quote Lou Loomis: You, Angie, pick up that blood.

View Quote Maggie O'Hooligan: Well, t'anks for nothing!

View Quote Motormouth: I often thought of becoming a golf club.

View Quote Mrs. Smails: Well, you two look like a couple of boogies.

View Quote Mrs. Smails: Will you come and loofah my stretch marks?

View Quote Note: bolded portion ranked #92 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

View Quote Bishop: I'll tell you, son. My main satisfaction is working with young people like yourself at our new Youtheran Center. Why don't you drop by some time?
Danny: I've often thought of entering the priesthood.
Bishop: Oh, are you, uh, Roman-Catholic?
[Danny Nods]
Bishop: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
Lacey: Go for it.
Motormouth: You know, I've often thought about becoming a golf club.

View Quote Card Player: Do you have any eights?
Judge Smails: [Walking by the card table] Don't you people have homes?

View Quote Carl: But, seriously, no b.s...if you ever want to rap or just get weird with somebody...You know...buddies.
Ty: I'll drop by. You drop by my place any time.
Carl: What's your address? You're on Briar, right?
Ty: Briar, yeah. Number 2.
Carl: Do you have a pool?
Ty: A pool and a pond. A pond would be good for you. Natural spring water.
Carl: Anything would be good.