Velma Kelly quotes

View Quote My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, backflips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero. The three of us boozin' , having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some. I come back...open the door...and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen: the Spread Eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock; I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

View Quote (Singing) Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz, I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down, and all that jazz! Start the car, I know a whoopie spot, where the gin is cold and the piano's hot! It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl and all that jazz.

View Quote (Listening to a description of Roxie's trial on the radio) She stole my garters! First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

View Quote Look, honey, you want some advice? Well, here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, 'kay?

View Quote (Singing) My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I made a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact. And now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act.

View Quote (Singing) No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

View Quote (Singing) She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men."

View Quote You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.

View Quote I just can't take it anymore! You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato. (Mama sits up with her hair dyed like Roxie's) Oh, no, Mama, not you too.

View Quote What's your talent; washing and drying?