Narrator (Ralphie as an adult) quotes

View Quote Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

View Quote Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.

View Quote Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy, on the other hand... (Yechh!)

View Quote Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! SO HELP ME GOD, YELLOW EYES!!

View Quote In our world, you were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims!

View Quote Let's face it, most of us are scoffers. But moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances.

View Quote I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB gun mania knows no loyalty.

View Quote My old man's spare tires were only actually tires in the academic sense. They were round and had once been made of rubber.

View Quote [After Mother breaks the Old Man's Major Award, and he is unsuccessful at repairing it] With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered Major Award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played. Gently.

View Quote The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!

View Quote Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his Peacemaker?!?!

View Quote We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.

View Quote Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us.