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Erik: Hey! What would you do if I come over there and whooped your ass?
Dexter: How long would that take?
Erik: About ten seconds.
Dexter: I'd wait until you're finished and then I'd continue working on my mud fort.
Erik: You mean you'd just let me beat you up?
Dexter: I'd try to stop you but I'd probably wouldn't be able to. I'm not very big.
Erik: Well, in that case it'll only take five seconds.
Dexter: How long would that take?
Erik: About ten seconds.
Dexter: I'd wait until you're finished and then I'd continue working on my mud fort.
Erik: You mean you'd just let me beat you up?
Dexter: I'd try to stop you but I'd probably wouldn't be able to. I'm not very big.
Erik: Well, in that case it'll only take five seconds.
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Erik: My grandmother says you're going to hell. She says you'll suffer external torture from a billion flames, hotter than the center of the sun.
Dexter: Hmm. She must be some kind of genius.
Erik: What?
Dexter: Well, my doctor's really smart - he says he has no idea what happens to people after they die. If your grandmother knows she must be a genius.
Erik: She's a clerk at K-Mart.
Dexter: Hmm. She must be some kind of genius.
Erik: What?
Dexter: Well, my doctor's really smart - he says he has no idea what happens to people after they die. If your grandmother knows she must be a genius.
Erik: She's a clerk at K-Mart.
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[Erik has boiled tea from some flowers]
Erik: Go ahead.
Dexter: [Drinks and feeling disgusted] Hmm. Oh. Tastes like crap.
Erik: No shit. Don't you know where bugs go the bathroom? [Puts in several sugar cubes and gives back]
Dexter: Sweet and crap.
Erik: Go ahead.
Dexter: [Drinks and feeling disgusted] Hmm. Oh. Tastes like crap.
Erik: No shit. Don't you know where bugs go the bathroom? [Puts in several sugar cubes and gives back]
Dexter: Sweet and crap.
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[Erik is in the back yard and hears somebody coughing.]
Erik: Who's there?
Dexter: Are you asking me?
Erik: Are you spying on me?
Dexter: No, I'm working on my mud fort. What are you doing?
Erik: Who's there?
Dexter: Are you asking me?
Erik: Are you spying on me?
Dexter: No, I'm working on my mud fort. What are you doing?
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[Linda and Erik return from the hospital after Dexter has just passed. Erik's mom opens the passenger door and begins to smack Erik on the head and pull him from the car.]
Linda: Now hold on just a minute. Can I talk to you inside, please?
Erik: We were just... [Linda interrupts]
Linda: Erik, shut up. [to Gail] Just for a minute.
[The two women walk into the house.]
Gail: What?
Linda: I have two things I want to say to you.
[Linda pins her against the wall]
Linda: The first is, Erik’s best friend died today and he is going to the funeral. And the second is, if you lay a hand on that boy again, I will kill you. Do you understand?
[The women walk back outside.]
Gail: [To Erik, in a calm voice] Let's go.
[Erik looks at Linda, she smiles and nods her head.]
Linda: Now hold on just a minute. Can I talk to you inside, please?
Erik: We were just... [Linda interrupts]
Linda: Erik, shut up. [to Gail] Just for a minute.
[The two women walk into the house.]
Gail: What?
Linda: I have two things I want to say to you.
[Linda pins her against the wall]
Linda: The first is, Erik’s best friend died today and he is going to the funeral. And the second is, if you lay a hand on that boy again, I will kill you. Do you understand?
[The women walk back outside.]
Gail: [To Erik, in a calm voice] Let's go.
[Erik looks at Linda, she smiles and nods her head.]
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[Looking for flowers.]
Dexter: I've been wondering about something. Where do bugs go to the bathroom?
Erik: Not on leaves.
Dexter: How can you be sure?
Erik: ...because bugs eat leaves. Not even bugs are stupid enough to shoot on their own food.
Dexter: I've been wondering about something. Where do bugs go to the bathroom?
Erik: Not on leaves.
Dexter: How can you be sure?
Erik: ...because bugs eat leaves. Not even bugs are stupid enough to shoot on their own food.
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[Looking surprised at Dexter.]
Erik: How old are you?
Dexter: 11.
Erik: Jesus, you're a midget.
Dexter: Well, if you look at the lower limit at what's considered normal for my age - I'm only 4 inches shorter.
Erik: How old are you?
Dexter: 11.
Erik: Jesus, you're a midget.
Dexter: Well, if you look at the lower limit at what's considered normal for my age - I'm only 4 inches shorter.
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[Sticking up for Dexter in front of the bullies.]
Erik: Hey, what about your little brother, huh?
Tyler: What about him?
Erik: When he fell off the jungle gym at school, they had to take him to the hospital; he could of caught something in.
Tyler: Yeah, but he didn't.
Erik: ...but he could've. Then everybody would be calling him **** and ****, and he'd get sick and die...and they'd write "homo" on his headstone. Then, when your mother went to bring him flowers, she'd see Little Eddie Horner Homo, and you know what the worst part about it would be? Probably before he died, a bunch of assholes like you who ain't sick thought it might be fun to beat the shit out him!
Erik: Hey, what about your little brother, huh?
Tyler: What about him?
Erik: When he fell off the jungle gym at school, they had to take him to the hospital; he could of caught something in.
Tyler: Yeah, but he didn't.
Erik: ...but he could've. Then everybody would be calling him **** and ****, and he'd get sick and die...and they'd write "homo" on his headstone. Then, when your mother went to bring him flowers, she'd see Little Eddie Horner Homo, and you know what the worst part about it would be? Probably before he died, a bunch of assholes like you who ain't sick thought it might be fun to beat the shit out him!
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[Traveling down a stream.]
Dexter: It seems to me that the depth of the water would be the key. Obviously in the middle of the ocean the shark would win and on dry land the lion would win. So, how much water are we talking about?
Erik: Two and a half feet.
Dexter: ...and how big is the shark?
Erik: Eleven feet.
Dexter: I still say that the lion would win.
Erik: Wrong.
Dexter: How can you be sure?
Erik: ...because I did research on it at Stanford University; shark won easily.
Dexter: It seems to me that the depth of the water would be the key. Obviously in the middle of the ocean the shark would win and on dry land the lion would win. So, how much water are we talking about?
Erik: Two and a half feet.
Dexter: ...and how big is the shark?
Erik: Eleven feet.
Dexter: I still say that the lion would win.
Erik: Wrong.
Dexter: How can you be sure?
Erik: ...because I did research on it at Stanford University; shark won easily.
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[Tyler and some other bullies notice Erik and Dexter.]
Tyler: Hey, how much you pay for that ****? Hey...you guys took a wrong turn - this is a "no homo" zone.
Erik: I ain't a homo - and neither is he. He got it from a blood transfusion.
Tyler: Well then, what's that awful smell?
Erik: Well see, we was walking across the grass when we accidentally stepped in your mother.
Tyler: Hey, how much you pay for that ****? Hey...you guys took a wrong turn - this is a "no homo" zone.
Erik: I ain't a homo - and neither is he. He got it from a blood transfusion.
Tyler: Well then, what's that awful smell?
Erik: Well see, we was walking across the grass when we accidentally stepped in your mother.
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[Letter to mom] "Dear mom, I've gone with Erik, but I've brought along my medicine so there's no reason to worry. We plan to be careful and sensible. Whatever you do, make sure you remember to tape Star Wars, 8 PM, channel 5. I love you very much. Sincerely, Dexter."