Gru quotes

View Quote [from trailer, when the balloon boy points at him] You fool! How could you let them get away!

View Quote You've got to be pulling on my leg.

View Quote [To his minions] What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice. [all cheering] That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?! But that's not all! We stole the Statue of Liberty! [Minions cheer] The small one from Las Vegas. [Minions groan with disappointment] And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower. Also Vegas.

View Quote We have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century! We... are going... to steal... [all the minions pull out weapons] Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet! [Dave the minion fires a missile that scatters another group of minions] Hey! Dave, listen up, please! [one of the singed minions punches Dave] Next, we are going to steal... Pause for effect. [opens skylight] ...the moon!

View Quote [after Vector steals the shrink ray from Gru and shrinks Gru's ship] Ugh... I hate that guy.

View Quote [repeated line, whenever he has an idea] Light bulb...

View Quote Yes, yes. I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet goes.

View Quote [to his minions] Now, I know there have been some rumors going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumors to rest... They are true. [the minions are shocked; the girls come in behind Gru] In terms of money... we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear... [sits hopelessly on a chair] we won't. [some of his Minions start to cry] We are doomed. Now it would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know I have fired up my resume, as I suggest that all of you do as well. [Agnes tugs lightly on his sweater; to the girls] What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk?

View Quote Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my dog.

View Quote [referring to the bedtime story "Sleepy Kittens"] Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this?

View Quote [reading to the girls]
Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day.
Then their mother came out and said, "Time for kittens to go to bed."
Three little kittens started to bawl, "Mommy, we're not tired at all."
Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "Fine, but at least you should brush you fur."
Three little kittens with fur all brushed said, "We can't sleep, we feel too rushed!"
Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."
Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.
"We can't sleep, we can't even try." Then their mother sang a lullaby.
"Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise.
Though while you sleep, we are apart, your mommy loves you with all her heart."

View Quote [referring to the unicorn toy] Fix it? Look, it has been disintergrated. By definition it cannon be fixed.