View Quote ... Dumb and Dumber ... Movie Quotes Database

[singing]
Lloyd: Mock!
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Ing!
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Bird!
Harry: Yeah!
Head Detective: Did you get a make on the vehicle?
Detective: Yes, sir. They're driving an '84...sheep dog.
[spots a pair of skis on top of a woman's car]
Harry: Skis, huh?
Woman: That's right.
Harry: They yours?
Woman: ..Uh huh.
Harry: Both of them?
Woman: Yeah.
Harry: Cool!
Harry: That's a lot of luggage for a little vacation.
Beth: Oh, I'm moving to Aspen. I've gotta get away from my boyfriend. He's such a klutz! Plus, my astrologer told me that I really should stay away from accident-prone guys. So, you know.
Harry: Well, you know I--
[rests hand on Beth's car's side mirror, which breaks]
Harry: [hands mirror to her] Here. It's a little loose.
Lloyd: Isn't this incredible? What more could two single guys ask for?
Harry: How about some food?
Lloyd: I swallowed a big June Bug while we were driving. I'm not really hungry.
[reading newspaper]
Lloyd: Mary Swanson will... hossst... a new-ul...
Harry: "Host", "annual".
Lloyd: An..u..el
Harry: "Annual".
Lloyd: T...t...t-heh...t...
Harry: "The".
Lloyd: I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now.
Harry: You just tell me where to sign, bud.
Lloyd: Right on my ass right after ya kiss it!
Harry: Kiss it?! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah!!
Nicholas: Which one of you wants to get it first?
Lloyd: Over here. I was the one who got us into this whole mess. C'mon, shoot me.
Harry: No! Wait. Do me first. I stole your girl, Lloyd, I deserve it.
Lloyd: No, you don't.
Harry: Yes, I do.
Lloyd: No, you don't. No, you don't!
Harry: Yes, I do! Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life! Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg.
Lloyd: (faking) Okay. Kill him!
Lloyd: What's going on, Harry? Your name is "Harry", isn't it?
Harry: Yeah, she grabbed down at the lobby, explained what was up, then they slapped this bullet proof vest on me and gave me a gun.
Harry: But what if he shot you in the face?
Harry: [to detective] What if he shot me in the face?
Beth: That's a risk we were willing to take.
[bus pulls up, a girl comes out]
Bikini contestant: Hey, guys. We're going on a national bikini tour and we're looking for two oil boys who can grease us up before each competition.
Harry: You are in luck...there's a town about three miles that way. I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there.
Bikini contestant: Okay..thanks..
[bus pulls away]
Lloyd: Do you realize what you've done?! Hey! Wait!
[bus stops, and opens doors for them]
Lloyd: Y-you'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow...the town is back that way!
Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it.
Harry: [nudges Lloyd] You're it.
Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it, quitsies!
Harry: Anti-quitsies. [nudges Lloyd] You're it! Quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd: You can't do that!
Harry: Can too!
Lloyd: Cannot, stamped it!
Harry: Can too, double stamped it, no erasies!
Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamped it, no erasies, touch blue make it true. [puts his hands over his ears and sings]
Harry: No! No! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Lloyd! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! LLOYD! LLOYD! You c--
Joe: GUYS!!! ENOUGH!!
Beth: The number's 555-...
Harry: (quietly and rapidly) 555-...
Beth: 905-- Wait a minute, that's my old number. (laughs) That is so weird how your mind just goes blank!
Harry: (screams while his left leg is on fire) FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!
Beth: Okay, look. Uh, you're gonna get pushy, forget about it!
(she drives away)

[singing] Lloyd : Mock! Harry : Yeah! Lloyd : Ing! Harry : Yeah! Lloyd : Bird! Harry : Yeah! Head Detective : Did you get a make on the vehicle? Detective : Yes, sir. They're driving an '84...sheep dog. [spots a pair of skis on top of a woman's car] Harry : Skis, huh? Woman : That's right. Harry : They yours? Woman : ..Uh huh. Harry : Both of them? Woman : Yeah. Harry : Cool! Harry : That's a lot of luggage for a little vacation. Beth : Oh, I'm moving to Aspen. I've gotta get away from my boyfriend. He's such a klutz! Plus, my astrologer told me that I really should stay away from accident-prone guys. So, you know. Harry : Well, you know I-- [rests hand on Beth's car's side mirror, which breaks] Harry : [hands mirror to her] Here. It's a little loose. Lloyd : Isn't this incredible? What more could two single guys ask for? Harry : How about some food? Lloyd : I swallowed a big June Bug while we were driving. I'm not really hungry. [reading newspaper] Lloyd : Mary Swanson will... hossst... a new-ul... Harry : "Host", "annual". Lloyd : An..u..el Harry : "Annual". Lloyd : T...t...t-heh...t... Harry : "The". Lloyd : I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now. Harry : You just tell me where to sign, bud. Lloyd : Right on my ass right after ya kiss it! Harry : Kiss it?! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah!! Nicholas : Which one of you wants to get it first? Lloyd : Over here. I was the one who got us into this whole mess. C'mon, shoot me. Harry : No! Wait. Do me first. I stole your girl, Lloyd, I deserve it. Lloyd : No, you don't. Harry : Yes, I do. Lloyd : No, you don't. No, you don't! Harry : Yes, I do! Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life! Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg. Lloyd : (faking) Okay. Kill him! Lloyd : What's going on, Harry? Your name is "Harry", isn't it? Harry : Yeah, she grabbed down at the lobby, explained what was up, then they slapped this bullet proof vest on me and gave me a gun. Harry : But what if he shot you in the face? Harry : [to detective] What if he shot me in the face? Beth : That's a risk we were willing to take. [bus pulls up, a girl comes out] Bikini contestant : Hey, guys. We're going on a national bikini tour and we're looking for two oil boys who can grease us up before each competition. Harry : You are in luck...there's a town about three miles that way. I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there. Bikini contestant : Okay..thanks.. [bus pulls away] Lloyd : Do you realize what you've done?! Hey! Wait! [bus stops, and opens doors for them] Lloyd : Y-you'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow...the town is back that way! Lloyd : [nudges Harry] You're it. Harry : [nudges Lloyd] You're it. Lloyd : [nudges Harry] You're it, quitsies! Harry : Anti-quitsies. [nudges Lloyd] You're it! Quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies! Lloyd : You can't do that! Harry : Can too! Lloyd : Cannot, stamped it! Harry : Can too, double stamped it, no erasies! Lloyd : Cannot, triple stamped it, no erasies, touch blue make it true. [puts his hands over his ears and sings] Harry : No! No! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Lloyd! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! LLOYD! LLOYD! You c-- Joe : GUYS!!! ENOUGH!! Beth : The number's 555-... Harry : (quietly and rapidly) 555-... Beth : 905-- Wait a minute, that's my old number. (laughs) That is so weird how your mind just goes blank! Harry : (screams while his left leg is on fire) FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!! Beth : Okay, look. Uh, you're gonna get pushy, forget about it! (she drives away)