E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial quotes

View Quote Mary: It's not that we don't believe you, honey.
Elliott: Well, it was real, I swear...
Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliott: It was no iguana.
Michael: Maybe a, a, you know how they say there are alligators in the sewers.
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, 'Maybe you just probably imagined it.'
Elliott: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert, a deformed kid or something?
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: Maybe an elf or a leprechaun?
Elliott: It was nothing like that, penis breath!
Mary: Elliott! Sit down.
Elliott: Dad would believe me.
Mary: Maybe you ought to call your father and tell him about it.
Elliott: I can't. He's in Mexico with Sally.
Gertie: Where's Mexico?
Mary: Excuse me. [leaves the table and walks to the window]
Michael: [softly to Elliott] I'm gonna kill you.
Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it. Just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away.
Gertie: Like the dogcatcher?
Elliott: They'll give it to a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.
Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas.
Michael: I set and cleared.
Elliott: I set and cleared.
Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast.
Gertie: I did breakfast.
Mary: [slams a pot down on the sideboard] He hates Mexico.
Michael: [to Elliott] Damn it! Why don't you grow up? Think about how other people feel for a change!

View Quote Mary: What are you doing, Gertie?
Gertie: I'm going to play in Elliott's room.
Mary: O.K., don't let them torture you.
Gertie: I won't, Mary.

View Quote Mary: Where's Elliott? I'm asking you a question.
Gertie: Anyways, why would Elliott go to the forest? Why would he do such a thing? [smiles]
Mary: Get in the car. [smiles] Get in the car now.

View Quote Michael: [about E.T.] Did you explain school to him?
Elliott: How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons.
Elliott: He's too smart.
Michael: All right. I just hope we don't wake up on Mars surrounded by millions of these squashy little guys.

View Quote Michael: [in awe] Elliott.
Elliott: I'm keeping him.
Gertie: What is it?
Elliott: He won't hurt you, Gertie. He won't hurt you, Gertie. He's not gonna hurt you.
Gertie: Is he a boy or a girl?
Elliott: He's a boy.
Gertie: Was he wearing any clothes?
Elliott: No. But look. You can't tell, not even Mom.
Gertie: Why not?
Elliott: Because, um, grown-ups can't see him. Only little kids can see him.
Gertie: [snapping back] Give me a break.
Elliott: [imitating Dracula] Well, do you know what's going to happen if you do tell? [to Gertie] ...you promise?
[E.T. watches intently]
Gertie: Yes.
Elliott: [to Michael] Do you promise? [his brother nods]

View Quote Michael: Maybe it's some animal that wasn't supposed to live? Like those rabbits we saw. Could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliott: A bald monkey?
Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.
Elliott: [pointing at a globe] OK. We're here. We are here. Where are you from?
[E.T. points out the window at the sky]
Gertie: [looks at E.T.'s feet] I don't like his feet.
Elliott: They're only feet, you little twerp. He's trying to tell us something. [to E.T.] Earth. [he touches the globe] Home. Home. Home.
E.T.: Home. [points out the window at the sky]

View Quote Michael: Mom, would you come with me?
Mary: What is it?
Michael: Mary, just come with me.
Mary: Michael, what?
Michael: Mom, remember the goblin?
Mary: Michael, what are you talking about?
Michael: Just swear the most excellent promise you can make.
Mary: [annoyed] Michael.
[Michael opens the door, showing E.T. and Elliott]
Mary: That's wonderful.
E.T. Mom.
[Mary becomes shocked]
Elliott: We're sick. I think we're dying.

View Quote Michael: Where's the playground?
Elliott: It's near the preschool!
Michael: Where's that?
Elliott: I don't know streets! Mom always drives me!
Michael: Son of a bitch.

View Quote Scientist: Does he sleep at night?
Mary: I don't know, I don't know. What's the matter with Elliott?
Scientist: Have you noticed any surfaced sweating?
Mary: No.
Scientist: Has it lost any hair?
Gertie: He never had any hair.
Scientist: Are the children all right.
Mary: Yes.
Scientist: Has it built anything or write anything down?
Michael: Uh, no.
Scientist: You said it has the ability to manipulate its own environment?
Michael: He's smart. He communicates through Elliott.
Scientist: Elliott thinks its thoughts.
Michael: No, Elliott... Elliott feels his feelings.

View Quote Steve: [reading dice] Five.
Michael: Oh, great.
Steve: So you got an arrow right in your chest.
Greg: Don't worry. I got resurrection.
Michael: I'm already one of the undead, Greg. I can still throw death spells, huh, Steve?
Greg: I'm just trying to help you out, man. Don't be so cranky.
Tyler: Throw the spell over the pizza man. Where's the pizza, man?
Elliott: I'm ready... now to play. I'm ready to play now, you guys.
Greg: We're in the middle, Elliott. You can't just join any universe in the middle.
Michael: You have to ask Steve. He's game master. He has absolute power.
[The boys tell Elliott to order the pizza]
Steve: Just figure your strategy. You're playing after Greg.
Greg: Plenty of sausage and pepperonis.
Tyler: Everything but the little fishies.

View Quote Steve: Something is happening.
Greg: [mockingly] Ooh, they're going to die.
Tyler: Shut up, Greg.
Steve: Something is definitely happening.

View Quote Tyler: Hey, Elliott, where's your goblin?
Michael: Shut up.
Steve: Did he come back?
Greg: Well, did he?
Elliott: Yeah, he came back. But he's not a goblin. [blurts out] He's a spaceman.
Steve: [mockingly] As in extraterrestrial?
Tyler: Where's he from? Uranus. Get it. Your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it Ty.
Tyler: Get it? Your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it.
Elliot: You're so immature!
Greg: And you're such a sinus supremus.
Elliott: Zero charisma!
Greg: Sinus supremus!
Elliott: Zero charisma!
Greg: Sinus supremus!
Elliott: Shut up, Greg!
Pretty Young Girl: Hi, Elliott.
Greg: Sinus supremus!
Elliott: Zero charisma!
Greg: You wimp!

View Quote Tyler: Oh, great. Nice one, Elliott.
Elliott: It was an accident.
Mary: A pizza? Who says you guys could order a pizza?
Elliott: [points to Greg] It was him.
Mary: In the house.
Greg: You geek, man.
Elliott: Mom, it was real, I swear.
Tyler: [to Elliott] Douche bag.
Mary: [sternly] No douche bag talk in my house.

View Quote [after E.T. learns how to talk]
Mary: Gertie, I've gotta go pick up Elliott from school. Will you be a good girl until I get back?
Gertie: Mommy, he can talk!
Mary: [thinking she meant Elliott] Of course he can talk. I'll be back in ten minutes. Stay there.

View Quote [after Steve, Tyler, and Greg see E.T. in awe]
Elliott: OK, he's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship.
Greg: Well, can't he just beam up?
Elliott: This is reality, Greg.