Penn & Teller quotes

View Quote [Introduction to "The Sorcerer's Apprentice"] Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to take a moment, if we may, to talk about a little something we like to refer to as "magic". Picture this. You're at home, hosting a birthday party for your daughter, and you've just shelled out 50 bucks, so some pathetic loser can pull a mangy rabbit out of a flea market hat. At first, you might wonder to yourself, "How did he do that?" But then you would probably just dismiss it as some sort of a trick. And you know something? You'd be right! It's just a trick! It's an example of what we laughingly refer to as stage magic. We're here to tell you that all stage magic is a fraud, a hoax, a sham. It's all based on deception and, yep, lyin', all of it. Sleight of hand... Lies! Transformations... Fraud! Dismemberment... Rip-off! Fakes! All are illusions! What we're here to talk about is real magic. We're gonna bring on a guy now who's the real deal, the genuine article. In fact, he taught us everything we know. And he is featured prominently in the next sequence, from the original Fantasia, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. [laughs] You know, come to think of it, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, is a little guy, who never speaks and just kind of messes everything up. [whispers, pointing at Teller, who cuts off his hair] Like him. [laughs] And now-- [Faces Teller, who throws the scissors offstage] Wh-- And now, the-- [sees Teller, holding a bunny] [chuckles] Oh, hi, hi, little fella. I gotta-- And now, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. [chuckles]