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Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.
Martha George: [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.
Martha George: [gets a little tickled by that answers] I was talking about your excitement.
Weebo: Maybe you should just go without me.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why?
Weebo: Because I get car sick.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.
Weebo: No!
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: You don't have a stomach.
Weebo: I have a queasy gyro.
Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.
Wilson Croft: I won't deny that I hate you for your brilliance. I'm petty, corrupt. I probably would have gone mad trying to compete with you in pure thought. But, uh, I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter. And to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why are you here?
Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest, I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancée. And make her my wife.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.
Weebo: I believe that a woman should love a man for what he is, not for what she wants him to be.
[Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house] Chester Hoenicker: All right. One more time, what happened?
Wesson: He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...
[Wesson makes a popping sound] Wesson: ...popped Smith in the head.
Smith: Several times.
Chester Hoenicker: Mm-hmm.
Wesson: I got hit with a bowling ball.
Smith: Repeatedly.
Chester Hoenicker: Were you drinking?
Wesson: No.
Smith: Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.
Wesson: With dinner.
Chester Hoenicker: Right.
Wesson: It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...
[Smith and Wesson both sigh and showed Chester Hoenicker their bruises from the balls] Wesson: ...It will give you one heck of a headache.
Chester Hoenicker: Oh... goodness.
[after two of Brainard's balls hit Smash and Wesson while testing the Flubber, the bowling ball knocks the cap off a tank of a compressed gas] Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!
Rutland: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
Refree: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!
Father: There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay?
[Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket] [Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard and Sara Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss Flubber] Chester Hoenicker: You came to repay your loan?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: No.
Chester Hoenicker: I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I'm here to sell you the Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker: You been to your house recently?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Yes.
Chester Hoenicker: Do I really need to buy it?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?
Chester Hoenicker: My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.
Chester Hoenicker: I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.
Sara Reynolds: That's not fair.
Chester Hoenicker: Shop somewhere else, lady.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Sara. Sara. I'll do it.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Weebo--I've solved all our problems!
Weebo: [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber is going to the basketball game.
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.
[at the end of the movie, Flubber, who was on the flying car with Philip Brainard and Sara, who are now married, lands on a window of an airplane where a little boy looks out] Weebette: [to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here!
[Flubber returns to Philip Brainard, Sara, and Weebette] Weebette: When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts.
Weebo: Um, Professor? Why the long face?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I think you know why.
Weebo: [Showing a picture of Sara] Maybe a Sara issue?
Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Wish I understand human beings. Wish I understand women. Wish I understand emotions and passions. Wish I understand any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara.
Weebo: Oh, Professor.
[Medfield has defeated Rutland as a result of the players' "flubberized" shoes] Chester Hoenicker: Brainard had something to do with this.
Wesson: I-It's the same stuff we saw the other night, over at his house.
Chester Hoenicker: (sarcastically) Right.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best. Martha George : [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight. Martha George : [gets a little tickled by that answers] I was talking about your excitement. Weebo : Maybe you should just go without me. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Why? Weebo : Because I get car sick. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips. Weebo : No! Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : You don't have a stomach. Weebo : I have a queasy gyro. Wilson Croft : What happened between us, Phil? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson. Wilson Croft : I won't deny that I hate you for your brilliance. I'm petty, corrupt. I probably would have gone mad trying to compete with you in pure thought. But, uh, I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter. And to that end, I have profited from your ideas. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Why are you here? Wilson Croft : Well, to be honest, I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancée. And make her my wife. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed. Weebo : I believe that a woman should love a man for what he is, not for what she wants him to be. [Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house] Chester Hoenicker : All right. One more time, what happened? Wesson : He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and... [Wesson makes a popping sound] Wesson : ...popped Smith in the head. Smith : Several times. Chester Hoenicker : Mm-hmm. Wesson : I got hit with a bowling ball. Smith : Repeatedly. Chester Hoenicker : Were you drinking? Wesson : No. Smith : Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine. Wesson : With dinner. Chester Hoenicker : Right. Wesson : It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but... [Smith and Wesson both sigh and showed Chester Hoenicker their bruises from the balls] Wesson : ...It will give you one heck of a headache. Chester Hoenicker : Oh... goodness. [after two of Brainard's balls hit Smash and Wesson while testing the Flubber, the bowling ball knocks the cap off a tank of a compressed gas] Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : [high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes! Rutland : Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there. Refree : Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down! Father : There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay? [Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket] [Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard and Sara Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss Flubber] Chester Hoenicker : You came to repay your loan? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : No. Chester Hoenicker : I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : I'm here to sell you the Flubber. Chester Hoenicker : You been to your house recently? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Yes. Chester Hoenicker : Do I really need to buy it? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it? Chester Hoenicker : My man is working on it. It won't be a problem. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber. Chester Hoenicker : I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine. Sara Reynolds : That's not fair. Chester Hoenicker : Shop somewhere else, lady. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Sara. Sara. I'll do it. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Weebo--I've solved all our problems! Weebo : [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Flubber is going to the basketball game. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : [to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love. [at the end of the movie, Flubber, who was on the flying car with Philip Brainard and Sara, who are now married, lands on a window of an airplane where a little boy looks out] Weebette : [to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here! [Flubber returns to Philip Brainard, Sara, and Weebette] Weebette : When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts. Weebo : Um, Professor? Why the long face? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : I think you know why. Weebo : [Showing a picture of Sara] Maybe a Sara issue? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard : Wish I understand human beings. Wish I understand women. Wish I understand emotions and passions. Wish I understand any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara. Weebo : Oh, Professor. [Medfield has defeated Rutland as a result of the players' "flubberized" shoes] Chester Hoenicker : Brainard had something to do with this. Wesson : I-It's the same stuff we saw the other night, over at his house. Chester Hoenicker : (sarcastically) Right.