Galaxy Quest quotes

View Quote Alexander Dane: How did I come to this?
Tommy Webber: Not again.
Alexander Dane: I played Richard III at the Royal National Theatre before Her Majesty the Queen.
Fred Kwan: Five curtain calls.
Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I can't go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't. I won't.
Gwen DeMarco: Well, Alex, at least you had a part. Okay? You played a character people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit! No one even bothered to ask what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan: You had the - wait. Wait, I'll think of it.
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

View Quote Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with those fireworks?
Brandon Wheegan: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole and just, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which you guys know is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right. Dinner's at 7:00.
[Brandon leaves and his mother turns to his father, who seems distracted after Brandon's odd statement]
Brandon's Mom: Well, at least he's outside.

View Quote Computer: Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage. Aft vector guards, 96% damage. Structural breaches in quadrants 32, 34, 40...
Jason Nesmith: What about the engines?
Computer: Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.
Gwen DeMarco: Computer, what about the engines? Why don't we have power?
Computer: The beryllium sphere has fractured under stress.
Gwen DeMarco: It's fractured.
Jason Nesmith: Can it be repaired?
Gwen DeMarco: Computer, can it be repaired?
Computer: Damage to beryllium sphere: Irreparable. New source of beryllium must be secured.
Gwen DeMarco: We need another one.
Guy Fleegman: Uhh!
Alexander Dane: [to Jason] You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship!
Jason Nesmith: Eh, uh-- [clears throat] Computer, is there, uh, a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
Gwen DeMarco: Computer, is there a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
Computer: Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists on board.
Gwen DeMarco: [to crew] No, we have no extra Beryllium sphere on board.
Tommy Webber: You know, that is really getting annoying!
Gwen DeMarco: Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's stupid, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?
Tommy Webber: Sure, no problem.

View Quote Fred Kwan: We gotta turn off that valve. Their oxygen's almost gone.
Guy Fleegman: Listen. I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this, [brandishes an oversize alien gun] I'm okay. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.
Fred Kwan: [concerned] That's suicide.
Guy Fleegman: I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a hero than a coward.
Fred Kwan: Guy. Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?
Guy Fleegman: Plucky?
Fred Kwan: Besides, [goofy laugh] I just had this really interesting idea. Yeah, let's go.
Guy Fleegman: Are you stoned?

View Quote Guy Fleegman: [manning the sensor station] Hey, guys, th–there's a red-uh thingy, moving toward the green thingy.
Jason Nesmith: What?
Guy Fleegman: [repeating] Red thingy, moving toward the green thingy. I think we're the green thingy.

View Quote Gwen DeMarco: [watching the fans' reaction to Nesmith] You've got to admit, they really do love him.
Alexander Dane: Yeah, almost as much as he loves himself.

View Quote Gwen DeMarco: Alex, where are you going?
Alexander Dane: To see if there's a pub!

View Quote Jason Nesmith: [Keeping Dane from running away] Come on, old friend!
Alexander Dane: Old friend?! You stole all my best lines, you cut me out of episode two entirely!

View Quote Jason Nesmith: What? what was that?
Alexander Dane: Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith: I heard some squealing or something.
Gwen DeMarco: Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb: But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith: I heard that! It turned inside out?
(it explodes) Teb: And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith: Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it exploded? Hello?
Gwen DeMarco: Hold, please.

View Quote Mathesar: The medical quarters are to the left.
Tommy Webber: What the hell is going on?
Alexander Dane: Jason, what have you gotten us into?
Gwen DeMarco: I don't believe this, it's insane.
Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so clean.

View Quote Sarris: Let me remind you, sonny: I am a general. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a deadly mistake.
Jason Nesmith: Well, let me tell you something, Sarris! It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating!
Gwen DeMarco: Armor almost gone, Jason!
Sarris: You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!
Jason Nesmith: And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines!
[The Protector is shown to have mines trailing it towards Sarris' ship]
Sarris: OH, NO! TURN! TURN!
[Sarris quickly does something on a console as the mines slam into his ship and destroy it. The actors cheer]

View Quote Tommy Webber: Whoo!
Guy Fleegman: We're getting hammered, Jason! Return fire?
Jason Nesmith: No! Divert all energy to the armor!
Sarris: How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.
Gwen DeMarco: Sarris' ship accelerating toward us at Mark 2.
Jason Nesmith: Accelerate to Mark 4!

View Quote [Gwen and Jason encounter the chompers]
Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!
Jason Nesmith: Gwen, Gwen!
Gwen DeMarco: No! I mean, we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the television show!
Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!

View Quote [Jason is being menaced by a huge rock monster]
Alexander Dane: Fred's no good, Jason; you're just gonna have to kill it.
Jason Nesmith: "Kill it"? Well, I'm open to any suggestions!
Tommy Webber: Go for the eyes, like in Episode 22!
Jason Nesmith: It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!
Tommy Webber: Well, then go for the throat or something, its vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock: It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
Guy Fleegman: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around you. Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
Jason Nesmith: A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE, GUY!! Alexander, you're my adviser. Advise me!
Alexander Dane: Well, you're just gonna have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster! It doesn't have a motivation!
Alexander Dane: You see, this was your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft!

View Quote [last lines]
Voiceover: And now, back again after 18 years, The New Adventures of Galaxy Quest.