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Cam Wexler: One more word and I'll hide your stash.
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Eleanor Skipple: [when Charlie proposes to have sex with her] I'm going to **** you till you die!
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Cam Wexler: [about penguin behavior] When a male is sweet on a female, he searches the entire beach to find the perfect pebble to present to her. When he finally finds it, he waddles over and presents the stone by placing it at her feet. If she accepts, they'll be life-long mates.
Charlie: It's kind of like an engagement ring.
Charlie: It's kind of like an engagement ring.
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Cam Wexler: Shit! Shit shit SHIT... pardon my French.
Charlie: I speak a little French and that sounded like "shit."
Charlie: I speak a little French and that sounded like "shit."
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Charlie: It's that word, man. Love. I wanted to say it but I just couldn't. How could I say something if I don't feel it?
Stu: Easy. Lie! What do you think all relationships are based on, man? Lies!
Stu: Easy. Lie! What do you think all relationships are based on, man? Lies!
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Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
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I jerk off to her mammograms.
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If you were a hamburger at McDonald's, I'd name you my McBeautiful Titty Sandwich with titties on top.
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My entire life, I've been nothing more than a stepping-stone to every relationship I've ever been in. There's always been a next guy who's better than me. For once in my life, I want to be that next guy. I've never said this to anybody before in my whole life. Cam... I love you. I love you, Cam.
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See you in six months for a routine stabbing.