The Grand Budapest Hotel quotes

View Quote Mr Moustafa: When the destiny of a great fortune is at stake, men's greed spreads like a poison in the bloodstream. Uncles, nephews, cousins, in-laws of increasingly tenuous connection. The old woman's distant relations had come foraging out of the woodwork.

View Quote The Author: [having finished listening to Mr Moustafa's story; last lines] A week later, I sailed for a cure in South America, and began a long, wandering journey abroad. I did not return to Europe for many years. It was an enchanting old ruin... [his voice turns into that of his older self] ...but I never managed to see it again.

View Quote Author: It is an extremely common mistake. People think the writer's imagination is always at work, that he's constantly inventing an endless supply of incidents and episodes; that he simply dreams up his stories out of thin air. In point of fact, the opposite is true. Once the public knows you're a writer, they bring the characters and events to you. And as long as you maintain your ability to look, and to carefully listen, these stories will continue to...
[Author's Grandson shoots at him with a pellet gun]
Author: Stop it! Stop it! Don't! Don't do it!... Uh, will continue to seek you out, uh, over your lifetime. To him, who has often told the tales of others, many tales will be told.
Author's Grandson: Sorry.
Author: It's all right. The incidents that follow were described to me exactly as I present them here, and in a wholly unexpected way.

View Quote Dmitri: [about M. Gustave] This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably ****s them, too!
M. Gustave: I go to bed with all my friends.
[Dmitri punches M. Gustave, Zero punches Dmitri, Jopling punches Zero]

View Quote Dmitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me?
M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a ****ing ****.
Dmitri: You are, but you're bisexual.

View Quote Dmitri: Where's Boy with Apple?!
M. Gustave: (pause) NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!

View Quote Henckels: Who's shooting who?
Dmitri: That's Gustave H., the escaped murderer and art thief! I've got him cornered!
M. Gustave: That's Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis! He's responsible for the killing of Deputy Kovacs, Serge X and his club-footed sister, plus his own mother!
[pause]
Henckels: Nobody move; everybody's under arrest.

View Quote Jopling: [having discovered Agatha's involvement in Gustave's escape] I've got to hand it to them. I didn't see that coming. Well, what do you want me to do?
Dmitri: [on phone] Talk to the club-footed sister again. And this time, be persuasive.

View Quote Jopling: [referring to Serge X] I've never trusted that butler. He's too honest.
Dmitri: [on phone] Too honest, you say?
Jopling: Mm-hm.
Dmitri: All right, well, be that as it may, find him quick and make it snappy.

View Quote M. Gustave: [after seeing police at reception] Have you ever been questioned by the authorities?
Zero: Yes, on one occasion, I was arrested and tortured by the rebel militia after the Desert Uprising.
M. Gustave: You know the drill, then, zip it.
Zero: Of course.
M. Gustave: You've never hears the word "van Hoytl" in your life. Okay, let's go.
[they go down to the reception]
M. Gustave: How may we serve you, gentlemen? Ah, Inspector Henckels!
Henckels: By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Celine Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis.
M. Gustave: I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's been murdered, and you think I did it. [runs away]
Henckels: [as he and his men chase Gustave] HEY! STOP!

View Quote M. Gustave: [Of Mme. Celine] She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.
Zero: ...She was 84, Monsieur Gustave.
M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say.

View Quote M. Gustave: I'm not angry with Serge; you can't blame someone for their basic lack of moral fiber. He's a frightened little yellow-bellied coward. It's not his fault, is it?
Zero: I don't know, it depends.
M. Gustave: Well, you can say that about most anything, "it depends". Of course it depends.
Zero: Of course it depends, of course it depends.
M. Gustave: Yes, I suppose you're right; of course it depends. However, that doesn't mean I'm not going to throttle the little swamp rat.

View Quote M. Gustave: It's quite a thing, winning the loyalty of a woman like that for nineteen consecutive seasons.
Zero: Um... yes, sir.
M. Gustave: She's very fond of me, you know.
Zero: Yes, sir.
M. Gustave: I've never seen her like that before.
Zero: No, sir.
M. Gustave: She was shaking like a shitting dog.
Zero: ...Truly.

View Quote M. Gustave: Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. Boy with Apple, stolen (by us). Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else?
Zero: Zero, confused.
M. Gustave: Zero, confused, indeed. The plot "thickens" as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?
Zero: I don't know.

View Quote Serge X: Forgive me, Monsieur Gustave. I never meant to betray you. They threatened my life and now they've murdered my only family.
M. Gustave: No. Who did they kill this time?
Serge X: My dear sister.
M. Gustave: The girl with the club foot?
Serge X: Yes.
M. Gustave: Those ****ers!
Serge X: I tried to warn you at the beginning.
M. Gustave: I know, darling. Let's put that behind us. Listen, I hate to put you on the spot, but I really must ask you to clear my name. Obviously you're grieving...
Serge X: There's more
M. Gustave: Okay.
Serge X: To the story...
M. Gustave: I get it. Go on.
Serge X: I was the official witness in Madame D's presence to the creation of a second will to be executed only in the event of her death by murder.
M. Gustave: A second will?
Serge X: Right.
M. Gustave: In case she got bumped off?
Serge X: Right.
M. Gustave: Uh-huh?
Serge X: But they destroyed it.
M. Gustave: Oh dear.
Serge X: However...
M. Gustave: Uh-huh?
Serge X: I pulled a copy?
M. Gustave: A second copy of the second will?
Serge X: Right.
M. Gustave: Uh-huh?
Serge X: [Silence]
M. Gustave: [Frantically] What does it say? Where is it? What's it all about dammit? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge! This has been a complete ****ing nightmare! Just tell us what the **** is going on!
[Suddenly, the communication door in the confession booth was abruptly closed by someone] M. Gustave: Serge? Serge? Serge!
[M. Gustave and Zero went to the other side of the booth and discover Serge has been killed in the midst of speaking to them.] M. Gustave: Bloody hell, they've strangled the poor slob!