Elwood P. Dowd quotes

View Quote Here, let me give you one of my cards. Now if you should want to call me, use this number. That - that's the old one. If you happen to lose the card, don't worry - I - have plenty more.

View Quote Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.

View Quote I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whoever I'm with.

View Quote Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be," - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

View Quote Wouldn't that get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and 'poor, poor thing' for two weeks?

View Quote Harvey and I have things to do... we sit in the bars... have a drink or two... play the juke box. Very soon the faces of all the other people turn towards me and they smile. They say: 'We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fellow.' Harvey and I warm ourselves in these golden moments. We came as strangers - soon we have friends. They come over. They sit with us. They drink with us. They talk to us. They tell us about the great big terrible things they've done and the great big wonderful things they're going to do. Their hopes, their regrets. Their loves, their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. Then I introduce them to Harvey, and he's bigger and grander than anything they can offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back, but that's - that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us. That's too bad, isn't it?

View Quote I'd just helped Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his whiskey with his rye, and I felt he needed conveying. I started to walk down the street when I heard a voice saying: 'Good evening, Mr. Dowd'. I turned, and there was this big white rabbit leaning against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that, because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally, I went over to chat with him.

View Quote We talked like that for a while and then I said to him, 'You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours.' And right back at me he said, 'What name do you like?' Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, 'Harvey.' And, this - this is the interesting thing about the whole thing. He said, 'What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.'

View Quote Oh, yes! Yes. Yes - these things always work out just the way Harvey says they will. He is very, very versatile. Did I tell you he could stop clocks? Well, you've heard the expression 'His face would stop a clock'? Well, Harvey can look at your clock and stop it. And you can go anywhere you like - with anyone you like - and stay as long as you like. And when you get back, not one minute will have ticked by. ... You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome not only time and space - but any objections.

View Quote I plan to leave. You want me to stay. Well, an element of conflict in any discussion's a very good thing. It means everybody is taking part and nobody is left out.