Heathers quotes

79 total quotes

Heather Chandler
Heather Duke
J.D.
Multiple Characters
Veronica Sawyer

View Quote Heather McNamara: [discussing J.D., who pulled a gun on Kurt and Ram] God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something.
Heather Chandler: He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail.
Veronica: No way. He used blanks. All J. D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants, maybe not even that. Can you bleach out urine stains?

View Quote J.D.: Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?
Veronica: No, I'm a Veronica.... Sawyer.

View Quote J.D.: Is your life perfect?
Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University.... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: I... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

View Quote J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.

View Quote Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no ****s allowed rule?
J.D.: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?

View Quote Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

View Quote Kurt: It'd be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer-Heather Chandler sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.
Ram: Oh, hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on my Johnson and just start spinnin' her around like a goddamn pinwheel.

View Quote Pauline Fleming: I think it's a good opportunity to share the... feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?
Tracey: I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then SMASH.
Pauline Fleming: Now Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions.

View Quote Student: Did You Hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.
Heather Duke: No way!
Student: Way!

View Quote Veronica's Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's Dad: Oh yeah, that's it.

View Quote Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

View Quote Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.

View Quote Veronica: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.
Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.
Veronica: Yeah. Me too.

View Quote Veronica: I just killed my best friend.
J.D.: And your worst enemy.
Veronica: Same difference.

View Quote Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Heather McNamara: Probably.