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[The Grinch gets his heart examined by an X-ray machine.]
The Grinch: YES! DOWN A SIZE AND A HALF!! [to camera] And this time, I'll keep it off.
[The Grinch checks his answering machine.]
The Grinch: Any calls?
Answering Machine: [electronic voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] "If you so much as utter one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."
The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm. Oh well.
[Cindy Lou Who enters the Grinch's home to ask him to be Holiday Cheermeister]
The Grinch: Hello... little girl. HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?!? THE IMPUDENCE!!! THE AU-DACITY!!! THE UN- MITI-GATED GALL!!! You called down the thunder. Now, get ready FOR THE BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!!!
Cindy Lou Who: [perfectly calm] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
The Grinch: You see? Even now, the terror is welling up inside you...
Cindy Lou Who: I'm not scared.
The Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of... pure evil. [makes ludicrous growling noises in a vain attempt to scare her]
Cindy Lou Who: I don't think so.
The Grinch: [trying to mend his pride] Doubt? Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! NOW, you're DOOMED!
The Grinch: Bleeding hearts of the world unite!
The Grinch: Blast this christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant.
The Grinch: Suffering snorkel blatz! They're relentless!
The Grinch: Nice kid, bad judge of charecter.
Cindy Lou Who: Santa, What Christmas really about?
The Grinch: VENGEANCE!!! ... I mean... presents, I suppose.
The Grinch: Oh, the Who-manity.
[A taxicab passes but doesn't stop for the Grinch.]
The Grinch: It's because I'm green, isn't it?
The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there — and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, Jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing — I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to nine, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness. (pause) But what would I wear?!
The Grinch: One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[Max barks.]
The Grinch: I don't know, it's some kind of soup.
Narrator: The Whos, young and old, would sit down to a Feast,
and they will feast, and they will feast.
The Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast.
They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast.
But there's something I just cannot stand in least…
Oh no. I'm speaking in RHYME!!
The Grinch: Year after year,
I've put up with it now
I must stop Christmas from coming
But how? (realizing he's rhyming) I mean-in what way?
The Grinch: [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, blackmail, jury duty...
The Grinch: "Even if we are mangaled by the fall , there are no sad faces on christmas.
The Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas, you're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending; way too commercial. ACTION.
[Max knocks red nose off] The Grinch: BRILLIANT. You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, moving on
The Grinch: YES! DOWN A SIZE AND A HALF!! [to camera] And this time, I'll keep it off.
[The Grinch checks his answering machine.]
The Grinch: Any calls?
Answering Machine: [electronic voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] "If you so much as utter one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."
The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm. Oh well.
[Cindy Lou Who enters the Grinch's home to ask him to be Holiday Cheermeister]
The Grinch: Hello... little girl. HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE GRINCH'S LAIR?!? THE IMPUDENCE!!! THE AU-DACITY!!! THE UN- MITI-GATED GALL!!! You called down the thunder. Now, get ready FOR THE BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! Gaze into the face... of fear. BOOGA-BOOGA!!!
Cindy Lou Who: [perfectly calm] Mr. Grinch, my name is Cindy Lou Who.
The Grinch: You see? Even now, the terror is welling up inside you...
Cindy Lou Who: I'm not scared.
The Grinch: Denial is to be expected in the face of... pure evil. [makes ludicrous growling noises in a vain attempt to scare her]
Cindy Lou Who: I don't think so.
The Grinch: [trying to mend his pride] Doubt? Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! NOW, you're DOOMED!
The Grinch: Bleeding hearts of the world unite!
The Grinch: Blast this christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant.
The Grinch: Suffering snorkel blatz! They're relentless!
The Grinch: Nice kid, bad judge of charecter.
Cindy Lou Who: Santa, What Christmas really about?
The Grinch: VENGEANCE!!! ... I mean... presents, I suppose.
The Grinch: Oh, the Who-manity.
[A taxicab passes but doesn't stop for the Grinch.]
The Grinch: It's because I'm green, isn't it?
The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there — and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, Jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing — I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to nine, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness. (pause) But what would I wear?!
The Grinch: One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[Max barks.]
The Grinch: I don't know, it's some kind of soup.
Narrator: The Whos, young and old, would sit down to a Feast,
and they will feast, and they will feast.
The Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast.
They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast.
But there's something I just cannot stand in least…
Oh no. I'm speaking in RHYME!!
The Grinch: Year after year,
I've put up with it now
I must stop Christmas from coming
But how? (realizing he's rhyming) I mean-in what way?
The Grinch: [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, blackmail, jury duty...
The Grinch: "Even if we are mangaled by the fall , there are no sad faces on christmas.
The Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas, you're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending; way too commercial. ACTION.
[Max knocks red nose off] The Grinch: BRILLIANT. You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, moving on