The Hudsucker Proxy quotes

View Quote Amy Archer: Is this guy from Chumpsville? Ha! I even pulled the old mother routine.
Smitty, Argus reporter: Adenoids.
Amy Archer: Lumbago.
Smitty, Argus reporter: [whistles] That gag's got whiskers on it!

View Quote Buzz the Elevator Operator: [to Norville entering the elevator] Say, buddy! Where'd ya get the new duds? And say, buddy! How'd old bucketbutt like his Blue Letter? [laughs] Did he bust a gut? Did he die? Did he - [Mussburger enters the elevator] Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger, sir...
Sidney J. Mussburger: Lobby. We haven't got all day.
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Right away, Mr. Mussburger sir. How're you this fine morning, sir?
[The elevator doors open in the lobby]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: It's been a pleasure serving you, Mr. Mussburger. And it's been a pleasure serving you too, uh... buddy.

View Quote Buzz: Mr. Kline, up to nine. Mrs. Dell, personnel. Mr. Levin, thirty-seven.
Mr. Levin: Thirty-six.
Buzz: Walk down. Ladies and gentlemen, step to the rear; here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier.
Mr. Grier: Buzz.

View Quote Lou: I got gas, Bennie.
Bennie: Yeah...tell me about it.
Lou: No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas.
Bennie: Ya get the special?
Lou: Fah from it... [wistles as Amy enters the diner] ...Enter the dame.
Bennie: There's one in every story.
Lou: Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout.
Bennie: Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one.
Lou: She's looking for her mark.
[Amy sits next to Norville]
Lou: She finds him.
Bennie: She sits down and orders a light lunch. [Amy orders lunch from the waitress] How will she pay for this lunch?
Lou: She looks in her purse...
[Amy holds her wallet upside down]
Bennie: No money.
Lou: The mark notices.
Bennie: He's not noticing, Bennie.
Lou: Maybe he's wise.
Bennie: He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks.
[Amy begins to cry]
Lou Yellowstone.
Bennie: Old Faithful.
Lou: Hello, Niagara.
[Amy elbow Norville]
Bennie: He notices. He's concerned.
Lou: She explains her predicament, and...
Both: ...Enter the light lunch.
[The waitress serves Amy's lunch as Amy continues to talk to Norville]
Bennie: She's got other problems, of course.
Lou: There's illness in the family.
Bennie: Her mother needs an operation...
Lou: Adenoids.
Bennie: [with Amy] Lumbago. Oh, that gag's got whiskers on it.
Lou: She's losing him, Bennie.
Bennie: Maybe he's wise.
Lou: He don't look wise.
[Norville turns to leave]
Bennie: How does she pull this out?
Lou: She better think fast.
Bennie: She isn't.
[Amy places her hand on her forehead]
Both: She is!
[Amy faints so that Norville has no choice but to catch her and holds her awkwardly, looking around for help]
Lou: She's good, Bennie.
Bennie: She's damn good, Lou.
Waitress: [interrupts] Can I get you boys anything else?
Bennie: Bromo.
Lou: Bromo.

View Quote Luigi: Mr. Moose-burger, I give-a you pants a nice-a dooble stitch, eh? Make 'em strong, and they look-a real sharp.
Sidney J. Mussburger: No! Single stitch is fine.
Luigi: But the double stitch will last forever.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Why on earth would I need a double stitch? To pad your account? Single stitch is fine.
[Cut to Later]'
Luigi: Ah, what the heck. Mr. Moose-burger is such a nice-a man, I give him double stitch anyway. That's some strong stitch, you bet.

View Quote Mail Room Orienter: [Spoken/Shouted very quickly] You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!
(This speech lasts exactly 60 seconds.)
Public Address System: Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. (moment of silence) Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.
Hutchinson: You! Yah, you, Barnes. You don't look busy! Think you can handle a blue letter? This letter was sent down this morning by the big guy himself! 'At's right, Waring Hudsucker! It's addressed to Sid Mussburger! Hudsucker's right-hand man! It's a Blue Letter! That means you put it right in Mussburger's hand. No secretaries! No receptionists! No colleagues! No excuses! MUSSBURGER!
Bumstead: No magazines. No coffee. Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger! Or did he jump out a window too?

View Quote Norville Barnes: "Blue Letter. From: the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To: Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding: My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond mem-memor...
Waring Hudsucker: Memories.
Norville Barnes: "...of the memories of the many years that you and I have spent.
Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate. Go down to the second paragraph.
Norville: You have no dought been wondering why I have decided to end my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid, I have made grave errors. My vanity drove away she who could've saved me. Oh yes, I loved a woman once, Sid, as you well know. A beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of I... Mr. Hudsucker?
Waring Hudsucker: [crying] Skip this part. Next page. [stops crying] Next page!

View Quote Norville Barnes: [reading from the Blue Letter] "...the new president should be free to fall --"
Waring Hudsucker: Fail.
Norville Barnes: "...so he can learn and then fail --"
Waring Hudsucker: Fall!
Norville Barnes: "...and rise up.

View Quote Norville Barnes: Hullo.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Norville Barnes: Uhh, no, I...
Receptionist: Shall we look in the book, hmmm? [takes out a huge book]
Norville Barnes: No, ma'am, ya see, I...
Receptionist: We don't seem to be in the boooook.
Norville Barnes: I wouldn't be in the book.
Receptionish: If we had an appointment we'd be in the booook.
Norville Barnes: I know but ya see I have this, uh, oh here it is. [Takes out the Blue Letter]

View Quote Norville Barnes: Say what do you do when the envelopes too big for the slot?
Ancient Sorter: Well, if you fold 'em, they fire ya. I usally throw 'em out.
Norville Barnes: Just got hired today.
Ancient Sorter: Terrific.
Norville Barnes: You know, entry level.
Ancient Sorter: Tell me about it.
Norville Barnes: But I've got big ideas.
Ancient Sorter: I'm sure you do.
Norville Barnes: For instance, take a look at this sweet baby.
[Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper]
Norville Barnes: I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.
Ancient Sorter: Terrific.
Norville Barnes: So, it sees how I won't be working in the mailroom long.
Ancient Sorter: No, I don't guess you will be.
Norville Barnes: How long you been here?
Ancient Sorter: Forty-eight years. Next year they move me up to parcels... if I'm lucky.

View Quote Sidney J. Mussburger: And this is Thorstensen Finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors.
Norville Barnes: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Finlandsen. You know, I studied a little Finnish back in collage myself. Let's see what was that.[says something offensive in Finnish]]
[Finlandsen throws his drink on Norville and punches him]

View Quote Sidney J. Mussburger: Let's get to know one another, shall we? Let's chat man to man. Now your from the basement, aren't you? And weren't blessed with much education?
Norville Barnes: Well, I am college graduate.
Sidney J. Mussburger: But you didn't excel in your studies?
Norville Barnes: Well, I made the Dean's List.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Oh.
Norville Barnes: At the Muncie College of Business Administration.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Oh. And your friends called you "jerk" didn't they?
Norville Barnes: No.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Dope? Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmoe? Not even behind you back?
Norville Barnes: No, actually they voted me most likely to succeed!
Sidney J. Mussburger: Your fired.

View Quote Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure, the kid's screwy. It's official. The barred-window boys are out looking for him now, and we'll see how Wall Street likes the news that the President of Hudsucker Industries is headed for the booby-hatch. Why, when the doc gets through with him he'll need diapers and a dribble cup. Well, if that's all...
All Board Members: Long live the Hud!

View Quote Sidney J. Mussburger: This better be good. I'm in a bad mood.
Norville Barnes: Well, sir. I've got something for you from the mailroom, but first if I could just take a minute or so from your very valuable time to show you a little something I've been working on for the last two or three years. [Shows him the drawing of the circle, but sees that it's upside down and flips it over]. You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is ninty-nine percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby...
Sidney J. Mussburger: Wait a minute!

View Quote Waring Hudsucker: [after singing She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain] Love that tune. How ya doin', kid?
Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker?
Waring Hudsucker: [points to his halo] Hey, how do you like that thing. They're all wearin' up stairs. It's a fad. Anyway, I hear your having some, uh, problems with the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman?
Norville Barnes: Norville.
Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal.
Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker, I must of mislaid it --
Waring Hudsucker: It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal.
Norville Barnes: Oh geez sir...
Waring Hudsucker: Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Anyway, you wanna read it? You might learn something. Might keep ya from jumpin' outta anymore windows.