Oh, mother, damn! She just shot at you with her eyes closed, Spoon!
HEY! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?!
Well, it worked, didn't it?!
Stop cussin'.
And go home, I got you. [runs off]
Detective Del Spooner
Will Smith · 46 quotes
Susan Calvin
Bridget Moynahan · 18 quotes
Sonny
Alan Tudyk · 11 quotes
Farber
Shia LaBeouf · 4 quotes
Lt. John Bergin
Chi McBride · 4 quotes
VIKI
3 quotes
Dr. Alfred Lanning
James Cromwell · 1 quote
Most scenes together: Detective Del Spooner & Susan Calvin (15), Detective Del Spooner & Sonny (5), Detective Del Spooner & Farber (4)
I, Robot quotes
Page 2 of 5SPOON! SPOONIE!! HEY!!! [Farber throws a football to Spooner. Spooner pretends to be open and intentionally misses. Farber runs over to him.] Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Excuse me. Excuse me. Spoon, man, where you been at?
Oh, just away, Farber.
Oh yeah, like vacation and stuff? That's real nice, man. Listen, I got a favor to ask. I need to burrow the car for like 10-15 minutes. This is different, Spoon. I got this fine-ass little yummy. She is completely agreeable. I mean, ass-hot spankable, Spoon.
You know damn well what it means, okay? Now stop barricading and let me burrow the damn-ass keys. [Farber reaches for Spooner's car keys, but Spooner grabs his arm]
First of all, stop cussin' 'cause you're not good at it.
Then let me get 10 for the bus, man. I've been there for you.
Go home.
Okay. That's strike one, Spoon. Strike one. [Farber runs off, while Spooner gives a look that says "What's with that kid?"]
Hologram of Dr. Lanning
I'm sorry, my responses are limited...you must ask the right questions.
Lawrence Robertson [realizing Sonny could disobey the three laws]
Susan, we look to robots for protection! For God's sake! Do you have any idea what this one robot could do. Completely shatter human faith in robotics. What if the public knew? Just imagine the mass recalls all because of an irrational paranoia and prejudice.
Lawrence Robertson Hey, let's just be clear. There is no conspiracy! What this is, is one old man's one mistake.
[turning back to Calvin]
Lawrence Robertson Susan, just be logical. Your life's work has been the development and integration of robots. But whatever you feel, just think. Is one robot worth the loss of all that we've gained? You tell me what has to be done. You tell me.
Lawrence Robertson OK.
I get it. Somebody gets out of line around here, you just kill them?
Well, I guess we're going to miss the good old days.
What good old days?
When people were killed by other people.
NS-5 Robots
[Jumps on car and breaks windscreen]
You are experiencing a car accident.
The hell I am! [draws gun and shoots NS-5 several times, knocking it off the car]
[drawing out his dream]
This is my dream. You're right, Detective. I cannot create a great work of art. This is the place where robots meet. Look. You can see them here as slaves to logic, and this man on the hill comes to free them. Do you know who he is?
The man in the dream is you.
Who do you say that? Is that a normal dream?
I guess anything is normal for someone in your position.
Thank you. You said "someone." Not "something."
Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty steps, Detective.
Do me a favor, keep that kind of shit to yourself.
Not precisely. [Spooner picks up a stool and swings it into an unbroken window in Lanning's office, which cracks, but doesn't break] What in God's name are you doing?!
Did you know that was safety glass? Be pretty difficult for an old man to throw himself through that, don't you think?
Detective, the room was securely locked. Nobody came or went. You saw that yourself. Doesn't that mea this has to be suicide?
Mm-hmm. [drawing his gun] Unless the killer is still in here. [starts searching through a container full of robotic parts]
[realising what Spooner's getting at]
You're joking, right? [follows him] This is ridiculous.
Yeah, I know. The Three Laws. Your perfect circle of protection.
"A robot cannot harm a human being." The First Law of Robotics.
Yeah, I've seen your commercials. But doesn't the Second Law say that a robot must obey any order given by a human. What if it was given an order to kill?
Impossible, it would conflict with the First Law!
Right, but the Third Law states that a robot can defend itself.
Yes, but only if that action does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
Well, you know what they say. Laws are made to be broken.
No. Not these Laws. They're hardwired into every robot. A robot could no more commit murder than a human could... walk on water.
Well, you know, there was this one guy, a long time ago-
[Sonny jumps out of the container, knocking Spooner's gun out of his hand]
Robots! You will not move, confirm command!
NS-5s
Command confirmed.
Well you said they've all been programmed with the Three Laws, so that means we have one thousand robots that will not try to protect themselves if it is in violation of a direct order from a human. And I'm betting one who will. [aims his gun at the NS-5s one by one]
Detective, put your gun down.
Why do you give them faces? Try to friendly them all up, make them look more human.
Dr Calvin These robots are not suspectible to intimidation.
Well, I guess if you did, then we wouldn't trust them.
These robots are USR property!
Not me. These things are just lights, and clockwork. [shoots an NS-5]
Are you crazy?!
Let me ask you somethin', Doc. Does thinking you're the last sane man on the face of the Earth make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.
Where's the Air Force? I'd settle for the National Guard, or the Marines. Hell, I'd take the cavalry.
The Defense Department uses all USR contracts.
Why didn't you just hand the world over on a silver platter?
You have no idea what I had to go through to clip this thing, John.
Yeah. I get it. You actually think you brought me something good.
That thing did it!
Keep your voice down, did what? We have a suicide, Detective, end of story.
I am telling you that robot killed him!
And I'm telling you that's impossible, and if it is possible it sure as hell better be in somebody else's precinct!
John! Give me five minutes with him.
What are you, nuts? I just got off the phone with the D.A.; he said nobody goes into that room until Robertson and his attorneys get here.
What -- no, this is my suspect!
It's a can opener, for Christ's sake.
John, don't do this to me, I am asking you for five minutes. What if I'm right?
Well, then I guess we're going to miss the good old days.
What good old days?
When people were killed by other people. [beat] Five minutes.
Oh yeah, you're the robot shrink.
There is a robot in this formation that does not belong. Identify it.
NS-5s
One of us.
Which one?
NS-5s
One of us.
How much did you say these things cost?
Do you ever have a normal day?
Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday.
Cats.
Wait, what?
Cats. Do you like them?
What? No, I'm allergic. Why?
Because I have a cat, in my trunk, and he's homeless.
Wait, are you saying cats did this to you?