Malcolm Tucker quotes

View Quote [On mobile phone] Okay, okay, go ahead and print "unforeseeable." Listen, see when I tell your wife about you and Angela Heaney at the Blackpool conference, what would be best? An email, a phone call, what? Hey! I could write it on a cake with those little silver balls: "Your hack husband betrayed you on October the 4th and congratulations on the new baby." Yeah, maybe it's better to spike it. Yeah, okay, ****ity-bye!

View Quote [On mobile phone] I'm not holding any longer; what's he waiting for, a ****ing sex change? NO, YOU RELAX! Get me ****ing Brian! If you don't get me ****ing Brian, I'm gonna come over there, I'm gonna lock you in a ****ing flotation tank and pump it full of sewage until you ****ing drown!

View Quote Yeah, diarrhea of a nobody, yeah, I like that.

View Quote [To Simon Foster] In the words of the late great Nat King ****ing Cole, unforeseeable, that's what you are.

View Quote We've got enough Pentagon goons to stage a ****ing coup d'etat.

View Quote "Climb the mountain of conflict"? You know what you sounded like? You sounded like a ****ing Nazi Julie Andrews!

View Quote Christ on a bendy-bus, Simon, don't be such a ****ing faff-arse.

View Quote You sure you're working as hard as me? 'Cause I'm sweating spinal fluid here! I'm a ****ing husk!

View Quote [to Simon Foster] You know, if I could, I'd ****ing punch you into paralysis!

View Quote [to Sir Jonathan Tutt] Mr Ambassador, with your big baldy head, you are spoiling us!

View Quote [to Linton Barwick] You know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as ****ing boring as you! I mean, you are a real boring ****! Sorry, I know you disapprove of the swearing, so I'll sort that. You are a boring F-star-star-****.