John Tucker Must Die quotes

View Quote Heather: So I talked to John. He was sweet. He felt bad for you. He said that you were jealous because we share something special. Something that we don't have to label because...
Beth: [interrupting] Because it's our unspoken bond and I just love how secure you are?
Carrie: And it hurts me to question it, because...
Heather, Beth, Carrie: ... YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME?
Heather: Damn! He said the same thing to all of us!
Beth: Figures. He makes up with us and he hooks up with us...
Carrie: [interrupts, whispers] You guys hooked up?
Beth: John and I share something special.
Carrie: Oh what, that he's been in both your pants?
Beth: We share a vegan/nonviolent outlook on life.
Heather: [under her breath, coughs] Hippie slut.
Beth: [sarcastic] Oh nice, Heather. It's not like everyone doesn't know that little Miss Cheerleader brings it on.
Carrie: What, you too?
Heather: John and I belong together. He is the team captain and I am the head cheerleader.
Beth: Oh, I'm sorry, what kind of cheerleader?
Carrie: Oh, like he'd take either of you two seriously?
Beth: Do not lump me with her!
Heather: Oh so what, you're now better than me?
Kate: Shut up.
Heather, Beth: [peeved] What?
Kate: Sorry.
Heather: You got something to say?
Kate: No, it's none of my business. [pause] Okay, let me guess. Does he always use pet names like "Baby" and "Sweetheart?" Yeah, it's not out of affection, it's so he won't mix up your names. And he's all about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship. And the whole arrangement was your idea, so you feel guilty that he cheated.
Heather: Oh my God, you're dating John too?
Kate: No, I knew a guy like him... Skip.

View Quote John: So you're lab partners with Kate, right? We talk. What's her deal?
Scott: Yeah, I don't know. I don't think she's your type.
John: Girl is my type.
Scott: Alright, well then maybe you're not her type. She's into stuff like old school Elvis Costello, she listens to obscure podcasts, she reads Dave Eggers. You know, she's deep, man.
John: Dude, I'm deep. I'm dating the poetry club.

View Quote Kate: [about Scott's previous lab partner] Oh, well before I say yes, how exactly did he get burned?
Scott: Uh, well, that is open to interpretation... because he will say that it is my fault, but I clearly said..."Dear God, man, you're on fire. Run for your life."
Kate: [sarcastically] A clear warning.
Scott: Yeah.

View Quote Kate: DAMMIT!
Carrie: It's not that hard, uhm... when he speaks to you count to three in your head before you answer him.
Heather: Don't show any interest. Don't even look at him too much.
Carrie: Yeah yeah. You got it?
[long pause]
Carrie: I said you got it?
Kate: I was counting to three!
Beth: Not that slowly! We don't what him to think you're ****ed!

View Quote Kate: I don't get it. I mean, these girls all seem so confident and cool. How do they not know that John's cheating on all of them?
Crying Waitress: He's a total operator. He goes out with girls from different cliques so that they never actually talk to each other. [chuckles] And then he tells them that his father won't let him date during basketball season so they'll have to keep it a secret.
Kate: How'd you learn all this stuff?
Crying Waitress: [sobbing] I don't know, just a guess. [runs away crying]

View Quote Kate: Oh. You're the other Tucker?
Scott: What is that? Is that like "the loser Tucker"?
Kate: Oh, no, no. That's not what I meant. I just... you just don't look...
Scott: Hot, buff, or capable of inciting an all-girl smackdown? No, you're right. Naw, it's-it's cool. I'll let you in on a secret, though. My mom, says I'm special on the inside.
Kate: Good for you.
Scott: Yeah.

View Quote Lori: [walks in] What are you girls doing?
Carrie: Destroying a man.
Lori: Who do I make my check out to? [walks out]
Beth: Your mom is SO HOT!

View Quote [Kate answers her door and it's Heather]
Heather: I want to bring down you know who.
[Kate answers her door again and it's Beth]
Beth: Normally, I'm opposed to the slaughter of animals, but in John Tucker's case, I'll make an exception.
Kate: I don't even know him.
Beth: So, you don't even know anyone. You're like the Swiss, you're neutered.
Carrie: Um, it's neutral. Kate, if the three of us tried this alone, we would kill each other. You brought us here. You showed us that we have something in common.
Heather: Exactly. We all want to kill John Tucker.
Kate: Wow. Okay.

View Quote I was so depressed, I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex. [the girls stare at Beth] Oh my god, I'm such a slut!

View Quote Maybe I come on too strong, but... I don't know who else to be. I just have to put my whole heart into things.