Johnny Dangerously quotes

View Quote Polly: You missed, ****face!

View Quote Tommy Kelly: ...that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for the Mother's Day Massacre, the Christmas Day Slaughter, the Lincoln's Birthday Mutilations, and the Groundhog's Day Beheadings!

View Quote D.A. Burr: Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?
Tommy Kelly: But what about crime?
D.A. Burr: Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back!

View Quote Danny: Hiya doll. Whats your name?
Old Cleaning Lady: Mary Margret Catherine Denine.
Danny: How would you like to make some money?
Mary: One at a time or both of you together.
Danny: How much would it cost for you to go clean room 708 and forget you ever saw us?
Mary: Seventeen thousand dollars.
Danny: Alright seventeen grand it is.

View Quote Dutch: It's the .88 Magnum. They made it for him special.
Danny Vermin: It shoots through schools.

View Quote Dutch: You can't park here. This is a handicapped zone.
Danny Vermin: I am handicapped. I'm psychotic.

View Quote Johnny: All right, here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Gang Member: Le-what?
Johnny: Legit.
Gang Member: Le-why?
Danny: I'll tell you le-why. Le-cause Johnny Dangerously... is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the DA, Tommy Kelly.
Gang Member: Johnny, is this true? Because if it is, I don't know how to react.

View Quote Johnny: Say kid, what do they call you?
Lil: Impressive.

View Quote Johnny: Whatcha cookin' here, Ma?
Ma Kelly: Beer.
Johnny: With noodles! Great idea!

View Quote Lil: Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?
Polly: Got it.
Polly: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater, pass it on.
Prisoner: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.
Prisoner: Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.
Prisoner: Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater, pass it on.
Prisoner: There's a message an the grapevine, Johnny.
Johnny: Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playin' Stompin' at the Savoy in Vermont tonight.
Johnny: Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight!
Prisoner: I didn't say that.
Johnny: No, but I know this grapevine.

View Quote Lil: So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago.
Johnny: Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York.
Lil: You're kidding... Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.

View Quote Ma Kelly: You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin' with ya.
Lil: Awww, what's that Mom Kelley?
Ma Kelly: I go both ways.

View Quote Tommy Kelly: I just have one last question for you. If a train left New York at 300 miles per hour, and accelerated speed 15 miles per hour, and traveled a distance of 683 miles, tell me sir: what time would that train reach Chicago?!
Roman Moronie: That's a fargin' trick question!

View Quote Warden: Johnny it's an honor to have you on Death Row.
Johnny: Ah don't be silly. The pleasure is all mine.

View Quote Warden: Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.
Priest: Are you ready my son?
Johnny: I'm ready if you are, Father.
Priest: Dominus nabis****, Nabisco. Esperitu sanctum. Dey gas da bus.
Prisoner: So long, Johnny.
Prisoners begin handing Johnny pieces of a Tommy gun as he and the priest make their way down the row. He assembles it as they walk.
Johnny: You bet.
Priest: Me gas da bus. You gas da bus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner: Be brave, huh, Johnny?
Priest: When's the next bus?
Johnny: Always, Nails.
Priest: Summa **** laude. Magna **** laude. The radio's too loudy. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner: Good luck, Johnny.
Johnny continues to assemble the gun.
Priest: Semper fidelis. Hi fidelis.
Johnny: Why didn't I take shop?
Priest: Post meridian. Ante-meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little meridians.
Prisoner: Bye bye, Johnny.
Johnny: Bye, Rock.
Priest: The Magna Carta. Master charga.
Prisoner: Spit in his eye, Johnny.
Johnny: You bet, Rabbi.
Priest: Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Johnny receives the last piece of the gun.
Warden: Do you have any last words, Johnny?
Johnny aims the now-completed gun at the warden and ****s it.
Warden: Well said!