The Lavender Hill Mob quotes

View Quote Henry Holland: [about his promotion out of the bullion office] I'm too old to change my views now, sir.
Turner: Nonsense. You're never too old to better oneself. Think of what you can do with an extra 15 shillings a week.
Henry Holland: But sir, I like the bullion office. It holds all I ever wished for.
Turner: The trouble with you, Holland, if I may speak frankly, is that you do not have enough ambition. When a good opportunity comes along grab it with both hands. May not occur again.
Henry Holland: Very good, sir. I'll follow your advice.

View Quote Henry Holland: A minute later, the guard will appear around this corner, and you, Pendlebury, will detain him for at least half a minute. Ask him for a light, ask him the way, ask him anything, but keep him there, we must have those thirty seconds.
Pendlebury: Edgar.
Henry Holland: I beg your pardon?
Pendlebury: Isn't one supposed to say that when one's being briefed? On my rare visits to the cinema...
Henry Holland: The word is "roger."
Pendlebury: Oh, roger. How silly of me.

View Quote Henry Holland: Instead of changing as usual at Charing Cross, I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro. "Gay, sprightly, land of mirth and social ease." Pendlebury.
British man: Plus six Eiffel Towers. How much did they fetch?
Henry Holland: Twenty-five thousand pounds. Enough to keep me for one year in the style to which I was, ah, unaccustomed.

View Quote Lackery: Bellamy's? In Bromley?
Shorty: That's right. Last June. Twelver.
Lackery: I was casing that joint the night you got pinched.
Shorty: Well, what do you know? Shorty Fisher.
Lackery: Nice to meet you.
Pendlebury: Excuse me, I may be a bit slow but do I understand that you two are, in fact, both professional criminals?
Shorty: Well, what else do you take us for, ruddy snoopers?
Lackery: What's the setup?

View Quote Pendlebury: By Jove, Holland, it's a good job we're both honest men.
Henry Holland: It is indeed, Pendlebury.

View Quote Pendlebury: Now it's all over, I suppose I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.
Shorty: The biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson got away with the GIs' pay packets. Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, 'forty-five.
Henry Holland: That was before devaluation. And this is one million pounds.
Shorty: Oh, that's right. Blimey. We've got the record!

View Quote Pendlebury: Well, you might as well know. I was lying. I am a thief. It was madness to attempt it. We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.
Policeman: We?
Pendlebury: My partner and I.
Sidewalk Vendor: Your partner? Here, if you're working with the fence who's got them other pictures...
Policeman: Shh! Carry on.
Pendlebury: Oh I make no excuses. All my life it's been my ambition to surround myself with rare and beautiful things. Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...
Sidewalk Vendor: Here, you call that picture of mine rare and beautiful?
Pendlebury: Since you will keep on interrupting me, you ought to know it's a charming example of an early Rochet, while he was still under the influence of Corot.
Sidewalk Vendor: Oh yeah? How much is it worth?
Pendlebury: Ten pound, to those who can afford it.
Sidewalk Vendor: Oh blimey. I've had it marked up for five bob.

View Quote Turner: And, erm, here's the order for tomorrow's consignment. Somewhat larger that I expected: 212 bars.
Henry Holland: That won't worry me, sir.
Turner: Dependable to the last. I'm going to miss you, Holland.
Henry Holland: You're very kind, sir. I shall always have the happiest memories of the dear old bullion office.
Turner: Has Mr. Applecrumby spoken to you about your holiday?
Henry Holland: Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris.
Turner: Paris, hey? You're stepping out, Holland. Wonderful isn't it, what a little extra money will do?
Henry Holland: Yes, it's going to make a big difference to me.

View Quote I propagate British cultural depravity.

View Quote I was a potential millionaire, yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds, fifteen shillings, less deductions.

View Quote Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these - it might have been.