Legally Blonde quotes

View Quote David: I called your room last night; I was wondering if we could go out some time.
Girl: No.
David: Why?
Girl: Because you're a dork. Girls like me don't go out with guys like you.
Elle: Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together, and I haven't heard from you since.
David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?

View Quote Elle: [Explaining how no straight man knows designers] Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
Warner Huntington III: Um.... black ones.

View Quote Elle: Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?
Chutney Windham: Yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible. Isn't that right?
Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father.
Chutney Windham: [in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him! [points at Brooke] I thought it was YOU walking through the door!
[Courtroom audience gasps]
Judge: Order, order! Order!
Elle: Oh, my god.
Brooke: Oh, my god.
Judge: Oh, my god. Bailiff, take the witness into custody where she will be charged for the murder of Heyworth Windham. In the matter of The State vs. Brooke Windham, this case is dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
[Courtroom audience cheers. Guards grab Miss Windham by the arm and arrest her.]

View Quote Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

View Quote Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Adviser: Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle: Okay.
C.U.L.A. Adviser: And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle: Right.
C.U.L.A. Adviser: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me; I can handle anything.

View Quote Elle: I'm reading about the LSATs.
Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your....

View Quote Elle: Oh, Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uh, yeah.... [Vivian gives him an evil look] no.
Elle: Well, this is so much better than that! Excuse me; I have some shopping to do.
Vivian: Four hours, huh?

View Quote Elle: So, if you don't know an answer, they're just gonna kick you out?
Emmett: So, you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you, too?
Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once.... not in class — I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah, she'll kick you right in the balls.... or wherever.

View Quote Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is....?
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
[Everyone gasps/laughs]
Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me; pardon me.
Emmett: Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
Enrique Salvatore: I was confused. I thought you said “friend”. Chuck is just a friend.
Emmett: Oh.
Chuck: [leaving the courtroom] YOU BITCH!
Enrique: [standing up] Chuck, wait!

View Quote Margot: You'll need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah – luckily.

View Quote Professor Callahan: Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?
Elle: Neither.
Professor Callahan: And why's that?
Elle: I would rather have a client who's innocent.
Professor Callahan: Dare to dream, Miss Woods. Miss Kensington, which would you prefer?
Vivian: Malum prohibitum, because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.
Professor Callahan: Well done, Miss Kensington. It's obvious you've done your homework. Now, let's look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- [Elle raises her hand] Yes, Miss Woods?
Elle: I changed my mind. I'll take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.

View Quote Serena: Oh, my God, there she is! Elle!
Margot: Elle, we came to see your trial!
Serena: Oh, look! How cute! There's, like, a judge and everything.... and jury people.
Margot: Vote for Elle!
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!

View Quote Vivian: Nice costume.
Elle: You, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

View Quote Vivian: You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi.
Elle: It wasn't my alibi to tell.
Vivian: I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

View Quote Vivian:[about Warner] You know, when he first applied for Harvard, he got wait-listed. He got in because his father had to make a call.
[Elle was shocked by this because she got in with a convincing video essay, while Warner had to be put in a waiting list for transfer students.]