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Carol Ann: [embracing Christina at Joan's funeral] Chris-tina! Tina!
Christina: Carol-Ann.
Carol Ann: My little Tina. She always loved you so very much, Christina.
Christina: I need to believe that. I need so much to be able to believe that now.
Carol Ann: She did.
Christina: Carol-Ann.
Carol Ann: My little Tina. She always loved you so very much, Christina.
Christina: I need to believe that. I need so much to be able to believe that now.
Carol Ann: She did.
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Christina: There's a liquor store to the right.
Joan: I should've know you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.
Joan: I should've know you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.
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Christina: Why did you adopt me?
Joan: [surprised] What?
Christina: Why did you adopt me?
Joan: Because I wanted a child. Because I wanted someone to love.
Christina: Don't you act for me. I wanna know. WHY DID YOU ADOPT ME?!
Joan : Maybe I did it for a little extra publicity... [realizes what she has just said] Tina! That's not true! You know that's not true.
Christina: But maybe just a little true?
Joan: [surprised] What?
Christina: Why did you adopt me?
Joan: Because I wanted a child. Because I wanted someone to love.
Christina: Don't you act for me. I wanna know. WHY DID YOU ADOPT ME?!
Joan : Maybe I did it for a little extra publicity... [realizes what she has just said] Tina! That's not true! You know that's not true.
Christina: But maybe just a little true?
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Joan: [after an ugly fight] I didn't mean that, Greg. I didn't mean it.
Greg: Get up. There's no camera in here.
Joan: Greg, where ya goin'?
Greg: Where I belong. Out of here.
Joan: You belong here. I'm waitin' for ya.
Greg: Good night, Joan.
Joan: Please don't leave, because if you do, you'll never come back in again, no matter what you say, or ask, or do.
Greg: I'll always wish you well, Joan. And I'll only speak well of you.
Joan: Please don't go! Don't leave me here alone. Please.
Greg: If you're acting, you're wasting your time. If you're not, you're wasting mine.
Joan: I'm not actin'! I'm not actin'.
Greg: Good night. Good luck. Goodbye.
Greg: Get up. There's no camera in here.
Joan: Greg, where ya goin'?
Greg: Where I belong. Out of here.
Joan: You belong here. I'm waitin' for ya.
Greg: Good night, Joan.
Joan: Please don't leave, because if you do, you'll never come back in again, no matter what you say, or ask, or do.
Greg: I'll always wish you well, Joan. And I'll only speak well of you.
Joan: Please don't go! Don't leave me here alone. Please.
Greg: If you're acting, you're wasting your time. If you're not, you're wasting mine.
Joan: I'm not actin'! I'm not actin'.
Greg: Good night. Good luck. Goodbye.
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Joan: [after discovering dirt underneath a large indoor planter] Ohhhh... Helga. When you polish the floor, you have the move the tree. If you can't do something right, don't do it at all.
Helga: I'm sorry, Miss Crawford...
Joan: Gimmie the soap. You see, Carol Ann, you've got to stay on top of things every single minute. [the doorbell rings] Carol Ann, will you get that?
Carol Ann: Yes, Miss Crawford.
Joan: Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.
Helga: I'm sorry, Miss Crawford...
Joan: Gimmie the soap. You see, Carol Ann, you've got to stay on top of things every single minute. [the doorbell rings] Carol Ann, will you get that?
Carol Ann: Yes, Miss Crawford.
Joan: Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.
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Joan: Did you scrub the bathroom floor today? DID YOU?
Young Christina: Yes, Mommie.
Joan: Yes, Mommie what?
Young Christina: Yes, Mommie Dearest.
Joan: When I told you to call me that, I wanted you to mean it.
Young Christina: Yes, Mommie.
Joan: Yes, Mommie what?
Young Christina: Yes, Mommie Dearest.
Joan: When I told you to call me that, I wanted you to mean it.
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Joan: Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to?! Why can't you treat me... like I would be treated by any STRANGER ON THE STREET?!
Christina: Because I am not... one of your FANS!!!
Christina: Because I am not... one of your FANS!!!
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Joan: Why do you deliberately defy me?
Christina: Why did you tell her I got expelled?!
Joan: Because you did get expelled.
Christina: That... is a lie.
Joan: [smacking Christina hard across the face twice] You love it, don't you? YOU LOVE TO MAKE ME HIT YOU!
Barbara: Joan!
Joan: Barbara, PLEASE! PLEASE, Barbara. Leave us alone, Barbara. If you need anything, ask Carol Ann. [laughs bitterly] This is wonderful. THIS IS WONDERFUL. YOU - You deliberately embarrassed me in front of a REPORTER. A REPORTER. I told you how important this was to me, I TOLD YOU.
Christina: Why did you tell her I got expelled?!
Joan: Because you did get expelled.
Christina: That... is a lie.
Joan: [smacking Christina hard across the face twice] You love it, don't you? YOU LOVE TO MAKE ME HIT YOU!
Barbara: Joan!
Joan: Barbara, PLEASE! PLEASE, Barbara. Leave us alone, Barbara. If you need anything, ask Carol Ann. [laughs bitterly] This is wonderful. THIS IS WONDERFUL. YOU - You deliberately embarrassed me in front of a REPORTER. A REPORTER. I told you how important this was to me, I TOLD YOU.
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Lawyer: [reading from Joan's will after her death] It is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher or my daughter Christina, for reasons which are well known to them.
Christopher: What reasons?
Christina: [laughing bitterly] Jesus Christ.
Christopher: As usual, she has the last word.
Christina: Does she? [pause] Does she... ?
Christopher: What reasons?
Christina: [laughing bitterly] Jesus Christ.
Christopher: As usual, she has the last word.
Christina: Does she? [pause] Does she... ?
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Mayer: Joan, my Joan, you're in a position to do me a favor that will be as big a favor for you as it is for me.
Joan: You don't have to ask! You only have to tell me.
Mayer: Good. I want you to leave Metro.
Joan: Leave Metro? Leave Metro?
Mayer: Your pictures one after another are losing money. Theater owners voted you "box office poison". Still for years I've paid no attention. You know me, Joan. I don't give up so easily. We'll pay you off on your contract. But you can't afford to make three or four more losers for us.
Joan: It's the scripts, L.B. Bad pictures, bad directors...
Mayer: Bad with you, good with others.
Joan: No, listen to me L.B., I have been BEGGING YOU... begging you for a good script. Now you've always given me my share of bad movies because you knew I'd make them work. Well I can't keep doing it, L.B.!
Mayer: Listen with your ears and not with your pride. With me, feeling is more important than money. You're a great star! You're Hollywood royalty! But styles change. You'll leave. We have 'creative differences'. Other studios will think they're smarter than L.B., they'll try to finesse me. You'll be offered two, three, four films. You may even get a hit!
Joan: [in tears] Will you be sorry then?
Mayer: I'm sorry now. But here there's no feeling, no hope. New faces, new voices, breath of fresh air, who knows. Don't do this to yourself.
Joan: I'll have my maid and studio people clear out my bungalow. I've got a lot of years to collect.
Mayer: It's done, Joan. They've packed your things, they're loading your car.
Joan: You mean everybody already knows?
Mayer: That we parted friends because we didn't agree.
Joan: Will you walk me to my car? [L.B. doesn't answer] "Hollywood royalty".
Joan: You don't have to ask! You only have to tell me.
Mayer: Good. I want you to leave Metro.
Joan: Leave Metro? Leave Metro?
Mayer: Your pictures one after another are losing money. Theater owners voted you "box office poison". Still for years I've paid no attention. You know me, Joan. I don't give up so easily. We'll pay you off on your contract. But you can't afford to make three or four more losers for us.
Joan: It's the scripts, L.B. Bad pictures, bad directors...
Mayer: Bad with you, good with others.
Joan: No, listen to me L.B., I have been BEGGING YOU... begging you for a good script. Now you've always given me my share of bad movies because you knew I'd make them work. Well I can't keep doing it, L.B.!
Mayer: Listen with your ears and not with your pride. With me, feeling is more important than money. You're a great star! You're Hollywood royalty! But styles change. You'll leave. We have 'creative differences'. Other studios will think they're smarter than L.B., they'll try to finesse me. You'll be offered two, three, four films. You may even get a hit!
Joan: [in tears] Will you be sorry then?
Mayer: I'm sorry now. But here there's no feeling, no hope. New faces, new voices, breath of fresh air, who knows. Don't do this to yourself.
Joan: I'll have my maid and studio people clear out my bungalow. I've got a lot of years to collect.
Mayer: It's done, Joan. They've packed your things, they're loading your car.
Joan: You mean everybody already knows?
Mayer: That we parted friends because we didn't agree.
Joan: Will you walk me to my car? [L.B. doesn't answer] "Hollywood royalty".
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Young Christina: [Entering Joan's bedroom after seeing her dolls are missing] My babies! Someone stole both my babies!
Joan: That's good, darling. They were thoughtless, selfish, spoiled children - now they won't wake you up when you need your rest.
Joan: That's good, darling. They were thoughtless, selfish, spoiled children - now they won't wake you up when you need your rest.
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Young Christina: [in Joan's room, looking into the mirror, imitating her mother] Oh yes, it was thrilling. So grateful to you all, my wonderful fans, who made me a star. Oh yes, it was thrilling. So grateful to you all, my wonderful fans, who made ME a STAR. [notices her mother standing behind her] ...Mommie!
Joan: What do you think you're doing?
Young Christina: Nothing. I'm just... I'm just... playing.
Joan: What do you mean, "playing"? Are you going through my things? Making fun of me?
Young Christina: I wasn't making fun of you. I was just trying to... I was acting, play-acting, like you're always doing.
Joan: Look at yourself. [takes a metal hair accessory out of Christina's hair and throws it on the table angrily, and then grabs a hairbrush and begins to frantically try to brush the product out of Christina's hair]
Joan: What do you think you're doing?
Young Christina: Nothing. I'm just... I'm just... playing.
Joan: What do you mean, "playing"? Are you going through my things? Making fun of me?
Young Christina: I wasn't making fun of you. I was just trying to... I was acting, play-acting, like you're always doing.
Joan: Look at yourself. [takes a metal hair accessory out of Christina's hair and throws it on the table angrily, and then grabs a hairbrush and begins to frantically try to brush the product out of Christina's hair]
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[Having failed to brush the setting lotion out of Christina's hair, Joan begins to cut off all of Christina's hair]
Young Christina: [crying] Oh, Mommie, I look awful!
Joan: I know you look awful! YOU BE QUIET! YOU'RE ALWAYS RUMMAGING THROUGH MY DRAWERS, TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? TELL ME! You sit still now! This'll teach you! You're vain, spoiled!
Young Christina: [sobbing] Mommie, I can't go to school like this!
Joan: I'D RATHER YOU GO BALD TO SCHOOL THAN LOOKING LIKE A TRAMP!
Young Christina: No, Mommie, please don't! Mommie, I can't go to school like this...
Joan: You spoiled it! Why? YOU SPOILED IT JUST LIKE I SPOILED YOU!
Young Christina: [crying] Oh, Mommie, I look awful!
Joan: I know you look awful! YOU BE QUIET! YOU'RE ALWAYS RUMMAGING THROUGH MY DRAWERS, TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? TELL ME! You sit still now! This'll teach you! You're vain, spoiled!
Young Christina: [sobbing] Mommie, I can't go to school like this!
Joan: I'D RATHER YOU GO BALD TO SCHOOL THAN LOOKING LIKE A TRAMP!
Young Christina: No, Mommie, please don't! Mommie, I can't go to school like this...
Joan: You spoiled it! Why? YOU SPOILED IT JUST LIKE I SPOILED YOU!
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[Joan has just easily beaten Christina in a pool race]
Joan: Oh, you lost again.
Young Christina: It's not fair. You're bigger than I am, it's not fair to win twice.
Joan: AH, but nobody ever said life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.
Young Christina: Then I'm not gonna play with you anymore. EVER!
Joan: Don't you EVER use that tone of voice with me, missy. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?! I'll tell you what you're gonna do, you're gonna MARCH yourself UPSTAIRS to your room and you will STAY THERE until I tell you to come out.
Young Christina: No I won't.
Joan: No you won't? Yes... you... WILL! [slaps Christina's butt two times]
Young Christina: OW! OW! I won't go!
Joan: All right, all right! [drags Christina to the door of the pool house despite the girl's protests] You will stay in here until you are ready to behave-
Christina: I WON’T GO!
Joan: And... and to APOLOGIZE!
Christina: NO, I WON’T!
Joan: IN! [shoves Christina into the pool house and shuts the door]
Young Christina: [sobbing, inside the pool house] AAAAAAH, MOMMIE!
Joan: Oh, you lost again.
Young Christina: It's not fair. You're bigger than I am, it's not fair to win twice.
Joan: AH, but nobody ever said life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.
Young Christina: Then I'm not gonna play with you anymore. EVER!
Joan: Don't you EVER use that tone of voice with me, missy. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?! I'll tell you what you're gonna do, you're gonna MARCH yourself UPSTAIRS to your room and you will STAY THERE until I tell you to come out.
Young Christina: No I won't.
Joan: No you won't? Yes... you... WILL! [slaps Christina's butt two times]
Young Christina: OW! OW! I won't go!
Joan: All right, all right! [drags Christina to the door of the pool house despite the girl's protests] You will stay in here until you are ready to behave-
Christina: I WON’T GO!
Joan: And... and to APOLOGIZE!
Christina: NO, I WON’T!
Joan: IN! [shoves Christina into the pool house and shuts the door]
Young Christina: [sobbing, inside the pool house] AAAAAAH, MOMMIE!