Mr. Destiny quotes

View Quote Duncan the Tow Truck Driver: Somebody here call for a tow truck?

View Quote Ellen Jane Burrows: Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?

View Quote Jackie: When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie.

View Quote Jewel Jagger, Forklift Operator: You wouldn't want me to fork you to death, would you?

View Quote Cindy Jo Bumpers: I wish I'd known it was your birthday, I would have gotten you something.
Larry Joseph Burrows: Well, Cindy Jo, you've already given me more than you could possibly know. Really.

View Quote Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend: Well, you know what your problem is? Nothing's ever good enough for you. Way I see it, you've got the perfect life. You've got a wonderful home, a terrific wife, a good job, and the best friend money can buy. What else could a guy want?
Larry Joseph Burrows: A little excitement would be nice.

View Quote Ellen Jane Burrows: I was wrong about you. I think you're a wonderful man. I wish it could've been different between us. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Sorry.
Larry Joseph Burrows: [long pause as Ellen walks away] Wait a minute, that's bullshit! It was meant to be!

View Quote Ellen Jane Burrows: Larry, if we had such a great life together, why'd you want it changed?

Larry Joseph Burrows: (pause) I guess... I just didn't know what I had.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: 35 years old, and my life is shit.
Mike the Bartender: Can't be all that bad.
Larry Joseph Burrows: It's not that it's bad, you know, it's just that it's ordinary.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: [voice-over] Why is it every time you break into your boss's office, he always walks in on you?
Niles Pender: Lose something, Burrows?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Something tells me I have.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?
Mike the Bartender: Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.
Larry Joseph Burrows: Are you an angel or something?
Mike the Bartender: Not exactly, no.
Larry Joseph Burrows: Then what are you?
Mike the Bartender: Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah, sure, plenty of times.
Mike the Bartender: And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Yeah. So?
Mike the Bartender: So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?
Mike the Bartender: It all will, to some degree.
Larry Joseph Burrows: To what degree?
Mike the Bartender: You'll see. Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good. You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?
Larry Joseph Burrows: Well, I... I... I suppose not.
Mike the Bartender: This is your life, Larry. Learn to enjoy what you've got.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: So, Mike, do you do this a lot, I mean, you know, change peoples' lives and stuff?
Mike the Bartender: I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: Sometimes I get the distinct feeling I'm missing out on something.
Harry Burrows: Well, what she's got - and she's got plenty you don't need.
Larry Joseph Burrows: You sure?
Harry Burrows: [pause] Not absolutely. But if I ever tried to find out, your mother would kill me.
Larry Joseph Burrows: You're the dad every kid dreams of, you know that?

View Quote Larry Joseph Burrows: Thanks. Thanks for everything. The good and the bad. Boy, you sure do know how to make a point. Oh, and listen, Mike - whatever you've got planned for the rest of my life? It's perfect.
Mike the Bartender: [toasts] Happy birthday, Larry.