Naked quotes

View Quote Johnny: Bonjour.
Brian: What's goin' on? What're you doin' 'ere?
Johnny: Well, you see. I was over 'ere [takes a step to the left], like this, but that didn't work for me, so I thought I'd try over here [steps back], but I don't think there's much future in this one either.

View Quote Louise: So what happened? Were you bored in Manchester?
Johnny: Was I bored? No, I wasn't ****in' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody – you're all so bored. You've 'ad nature explained to you, and you're bored with it. You've 'ad the living body explained to you, and you're bored with it. You've 'ad the universe explained to you, and you're bored with it. So now you just want cheap thrills and like plenty of 'em, and it dun matter 'ow tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new, as long as it's new, as long as it flashes and ****ing bleeps in forty different colours. Well, whatever else you can say about me, I'm not ****in' bored.

View Quote Louise: Well, I don't know if I want to get married, but I wouldn't say no to a proper relationship.
Sophie: What is a proper relationship?
Louise: Living with someone who talks to ya after they've bonked ya.

View Quote Sophie: So, are you Louise's boyfriend?
Johnny: No.
Sophie: Oh, right. What, you're just, like, a mate?
Johnny: Primate.
Sophie: You must be the missing link then.
Johnny: Yeah, that's me.
Sophie: You're not gonna tell me your name.
Johnny: No.
Sophie: I'm not gonna tell you mine neither.
Johnny: All right. We'll be strangers.

View Quote Do you think that the amoeba ever dreamed that it would evolve into the frog? Of course it didn't. And when that first frog shimmied out of the water and employed its vocal cords in order to attract a mate or to **** a predator, do you think that that frog ever imagined that that incipient croak would evolve into all the languages of the world, into all the literature of the world? Of course it ****ing didn't. And just as that froggy could never possibly have conceived of Shakespeare, so we can never possibly imagine our destiny.

View Quote Do you think you can recapture your youth by ****in' it? You don't want to **** me, you'll catch something cruel.

View Quote I don't know what they want from you half the time. What they start off liking you for, they end up hating you for. Don't like you if you're strong. Don't like you if you're weak. Hate you if you're clever, hate you if you're stupid. They don't know what they want.

View Quote It's funny being inside, innit? 'Cause when you are inside, you're still actually outside, aren't ya? And then you can say, when you're outside, you're inside, because you're always inside your head.

View Quote Yes, it is a boring job. Bloody boring, actually. But all you can see is the tip of the iceberg, the present, the tedious here and now. What you're incapable of seeing is the rest of time, the rest of the iceberg, past and the future – my future – which is a very interesting place to be. The good thing about this job is that it gives me time and space to contemplate the future at my leisure, whilst the city sleeps, free from the cacophonous curiosity of the hoi polloi. So, you see, it's not a boring job. And I'm not boring either.

View Quote You see, the thing is, Brian, that God is a hateful god. Must be, because if God is good, then why is there evil in the world? Why is there pain and hate and greed and war? Doesn't make sense. But if God is a nasty bastard, then you can say, "Why is there good in the world? Why is there love and hope and joy?" Well, let's face it. Good exists in order to be ****ed up by evil. The very existence of good enables evil to flourish. Therefore, God is bad. And it doesn't matter how many past or future existences you have, because they're all gonna be riddled with grief and anguish and sickness and death. You see, Brian, God doesn't love you. God despises you. So there's no hope, and mankind is just a component of the device by which the devil creates itself. Are you with me? You see, what I'm saying, basically, is... you can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. And humanity is just a cracked egg. And the omelet stinks.

View Quote [repeated line] Are you with me?