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Joey Ziegler: He'd **** a woodpile on the chance there was a snake in it.
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Joey Ziegler: Well, the world is getting smaller, the kids are getting younger and I'm getting drunk!
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Marv Ellman: There's nothing like having a mother and a daughter. Gives you sort of a kind of perspective.
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Arlene Iverson: Are you the kind of detective who, once you get on a case nothing can get you off it? Bribes, beatings, the allure of a woman...
Harry: That was true in the old days. Before we had a union.
Harry: That was true in the old days. Before we had a union.
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Ellen Moseby: [of a football game] Who's winning?
Harry Moseby: Nobody. One side is just losing slower than the other.
Harry Moseby: Nobody. One side is just losing slower than the other.
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Nick: Where do you know Arlene from?
Joey Ziegler: From way back.
Nick: Oh, yeah? What's your name again? Ziegler? Joey Ziegler?
Joey Ziegler: Joey Ziegler.
Nick: I don't think you were one of the names.
Joey Ziegler: What names?
Nick: One of those she cheated on Grastner with. I got them all.
Joey Ziegler: I'm one of a small, select group. We hold meetings in a telephone booth.
Joey Ziegler: From way back.
Nick: Oh, yeah? What's your name again? Ziegler? Joey Ziegler?
Joey Ziegler: Joey Ziegler.
Nick: I don't think you were one of the names.
Joey Ziegler: What names?
Nick: One of those she cheated on Grastner with. I got them all.
Joey Ziegler: I'm one of a small, select group. We hold meetings in a telephone booth.
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Paula: How do you resist Delly?
Harry: Oh, I just think good, clean thoughts, like Thanksgiving, George Washington's teeth.
Harry: Oh, I just think good, clean thoughts, like Thanksgiving, George Washington's teeth.
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Paula: Oh, that's a beauty.
Harry: Yeah, but he didn't see it. He played something else and he lost. He must have regretted it every day of his life. I know I would have. As a matter of fact I do regret it, and I wasn't even born yet.
Paula: That's no excuse.
Harry: Yeah, but he didn't see it. He played something else and he lost. He must have regretted it every day of his life. I know I would have. As a matter of fact I do regret it, and I wasn't even born yet.
Paula: That's no excuse.
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Paula: Where were you when Kennedy got shot?
Harry: Which Kennedy?
Paula: Any Kennedy.
Harry: When the president got shot, I was on my way to San Diego. Football game. When Bobby got shot, I was sitting in a car waiting for a guy to come out of a house with his girlfriend. Working on a divorce case. One of those times I wish I was in another business.
Harry: Which Kennedy?
Paula: Any Kennedy.
Harry: When the president got shot, I was on my way to San Diego. Football game. When Bobby got shot, I was sitting in a car waiting for a guy to come out of a house with his girlfriend. Working on a divorce case. One of those times I wish I was in another business.
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Listen Delly, I know it doesn't make much sense when you're sixteen. Don't worry. When you get to be forty, it isn't any better.
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When we all get liberated like Delly, there'll be fighting in the streets.
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You told me fairy tales... About Malone... Billy Danreuther... The President getting shot... Your erect nipples!