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I'm thin!
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If you give me a moment, I believe I can try to explain. My research is, um... Well, when I started out, I wanted to help people. But I became desperate and selfish. What I did was wrong. Buddy's who I thought the whole world wanted me to be. He's who I thought I wanted to be. And sometimes when you want something so so bad, you do just about anything to get it. But I learned one thing from Buddy. I learned that life isn't about being happy with how much you weigh, but just being happy with yourself. I'm terribly sorry about all of this, I hope I haven't ruined everybody's evening. Please excuse me. I'm sorry.
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NO TITTIES! NO TITTIES! NO TITTIES! [to an attractive woman next to him] Not you, me. I’m talking about me. My titties are gone. Your titties are lovely. What’s your name?
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Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes? Alright! Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole! Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch! Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck! Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib! Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib! Reggie's mama is so fat, her blood type is Rocky Road! His mother is so fat, her belt size is Equator. Get it, equator.
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The truth is, Carla, I'm a big man. Now I will lose weight, but I'm always gonna be big no matter what I do. So anyone I end up with is just going to have to accept me for who I am. More importantly, I'm going to have to accept myself for who I am.
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Why, thank you very much, I'm fatter-I'm flattered!