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Pete: Well, hell, it ain't square one! Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitch-hikers. And one of them, a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut.
Everett: Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies of the goddamn field... or hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope!
Delmar: Yeah! Look at me.
Everett: Now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. You may call it obtuse. But the plain and simple fact is that we've got close to three days before they... [sees a car approaching in the distance behind him] ...dam that river...
Everett: Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies of the goddamn field... or hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope!
Delmar: Yeah! Look at me.
Everett: Now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. You may call it obtuse. But the plain and simple fact is that we've got close to three days before they... [sees a car approaching in the distance behind him] ...dam that river...
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[Big Dan, Everett, and Delmar are having a picnic lunch]
Big Dan Teague: Thank you, boys, for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetites. Even with lunch under my belt, I was feeling a mite peckish.
Everett: It's our pleasure, Big Dan.
Big Dan Teague: Thank you as well for the conversational hiatus. I generally refrain from speech during gustation. There are those who attempt both at the same time. I find it coarse and vulgar. Where were we?
Delmar: Makin' money in the Lord's service.
Big Dan Teague: You don't say much friend, but when you do, it's to the point and I salute you for it. Yes, Bible sales. Now, the trade is not a complicated one. There are but two things to learn. One: being where to find a wholesaler. The word of God in bulk, as it were. Two: how to recognize your customer. Who are you dealing with? It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak. And it is that which I propose to give you a lesson in right now. [snaps a branch off a nearby tree]
Everett: Well, I like to think I'm an astute observer of the human scene, too, Big Dan.
Big Dan Teague: No doubt, brother. I figured as much back at the restaurant. That's why I invited you all out here for this advanced tutorial. [hits Delmar with the branch]
Everett: What's goin' on, Big Dan?
Big Dan Teague: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, BOYS! THAT'S IT! [Delmar grab's Big Dan's leg; Big Dan knocks Delmar out with the branch] Gol... durned... MONEY!
Everett: I don't get it, Big Dan. [Big Dan yells and knocks Everett unconscious with the branch]
Big Dan Teague: I'll just take your show cards... [pulls a wad of money out of Everett's pocket; Delmar jumps onto Big Dan, but Big Dan swings him around and throws him to the ground] ...and whatever ya got in the hole. [opens the shoebox and is dismayed to see the toad inside] What the...? There ain't nothin' but a damn toad.
Delmar: No, you don't understand. That's Pete. [Big Dan takes the toad out of the shoebox] Pete...
Big Dan Teague: You know these things give ya warts? [squashes the toad in his hand, then throws it against the tree] End of lesson. So long, boys. [chuckles mockingly] See ya in the funny papers. Y'all seen the end of Big Dan Teague. [gets in the car and drives away, leaving Everett and Delmar battered on the ground]
Big Dan Teague: Thank you, boys, for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetites. Even with lunch under my belt, I was feeling a mite peckish.
Everett: It's our pleasure, Big Dan.
Big Dan Teague: Thank you as well for the conversational hiatus. I generally refrain from speech during gustation. There are those who attempt both at the same time. I find it coarse and vulgar. Where were we?
Delmar: Makin' money in the Lord's service.
Big Dan Teague: You don't say much friend, but when you do, it's to the point and I salute you for it. Yes, Bible sales. Now, the trade is not a complicated one. There are but two things to learn. One: being where to find a wholesaler. The word of God in bulk, as it were. Two: how to recognize your customer. Who are you dealing with? It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak. And it is that which I propose to give you a lesson in right now. [snaps a branch off a nearby tree]
Everett: Well, I like to think I'm an astute observer of the human scene, too, Big Dan.
Big Dan Teague: No doubt, brother. I figured as much back at the restaurant. That's why I invited you all out here for this advanced tutorial. [hits Delmar with the branch]
Everett: What's goin' on, Big Dan?
Big Dan Teague: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, BOYS! THAT'S IT! [Delmar grab's Big Dan's leg; Big Dan knocks Delmar out with the branch] Gol... durned... MONEY!
Everett: I don't get it, Big Dan. [Big Dan yells and knocks Everett unconscious with the branch]
Big Dan Teague: I'll just take your show cards... [pulls a wad of money out of Everett's pocket; Delmar jumps onto Big Dan, but Big Dan swings him around and throws him to the ground] ...and whatever ya got in the hole. [opens the shoebox and is dismayed to see the toad inside] What the...? There ain't nothin' but a damn toad.
Delmar: No, you don't understand. That's Pete. [Big Dan takes the toad out of the shoebox] Pete...
Big Dan Teague: You know these things give ya warts? [squashes the toad in his hand, then throws it against the tree] End of lesson. So long, boys. [chuckles mockingly] See ya in the funny papers. Y'all seen the end of Big Dan Teague. [gets in the car and drives away, leaving Everett and Delmar battered on the ground]
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[Eager to find the treasure, the boys discuss what they will do with their shares over a campfire]
Delmar: Let's bed down here for the night.
Pete: Yeah. It stinks in that old barn.
Everett: Suits me. Pretty soon, it'll be nothing but feather beds and silk sheets.
Pete: $1 million.
Everett: 1.2 million.
Delmar: 500,000 each.
Everett: 400, Delmar. Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?
Pete: Go out west somewhere, open a fine restaurant. I'm gonna be the maitre'd. Greet all the swells. Going to work every day in a bowtie and tuxedo. And all the staff say, "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," and "In a jiffy, Pete." And all my meals for free.
Everett: What about you, Delmar? What are you gonna do with your share of that dough?
Delmar: I'm gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan, slap that money on the barrelhead, and buy back the family farm. You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.
Pete: What about you, Everett? What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?
Everett: [clears throat] I didn't have no plan.
Pete: Well, that hardly sounds like you.
Delmar: Let's bed down here for the night.
Pete: Yeah. It stinks in that old barn.
Everett: Suits me. Pretty soon, it'll be nothing but feather beds and silk sheets.
Pete: $1 million.
Everett: 1.2 million.
Delmar: 500,000 each.
Everett: 400, Delmar. Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?
Pete: Go out west somewhere, open a fine restaurant. I'm gonna be the maitre'd. Greet all the swells. Going to work every day in a bowtie and tuxedo. And all the staff say, "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," and "In a jiffy, Pete." And all my meals for free.
Everett: What about you, Delmar? What are you gonna do with your share of that dough?
Delmar: I'm gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan, slap that money on the barrelhead, and buy back the family farm. You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.
Pete: What about you, Everett? What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?
Everett: [clears throat] I didn't have no plan.
Pete: Well, that hardly sounds like you.
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[Everett and Penny are walking through town with their daughters in tow]
Everett: "All's well that ends well," some poet said.
Penny: That's right, honey.
Everett: Don't mind telling you I'm awful pleased... My adventuring days have come to an end.
Penny: That's good, honey.
Everett: You were right about that ring, too. Any other wedding band wouldn't do. This here was fore-ordained. Fate was a-smilin' on me, and...
Penny: That's not my ring.
Everett: What?
Penny: That's not my ring.
Everett: Not your ring?
Penny: That's one of Aunt Herlene's.
Everett: But you said it was in the roll-top desk.
Penny: I said I thought it was in the roll-top desk.
Everett: No, you said...
Penny: Or under the mattress. Or maybe in my chifforobe. I don't know.
Everett: Well, I'm sorry, honey.
Penny: But we need that ring.
Everett: Well, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durn big lake.
Penny: Uh-uh.
Everett: A 9,000-hectare lake.
Penny: I don't care if it was 90,000. That lake was not my doing.
Everett: Of course not, honey...
Penny: I counted to three, honey.
Everett: No, wait, honey. Finding one little ring in the middle of all that water is one hell of a heroic task!
Everett: "All's well that ends well," some poet said.
Penny: That's right, honey.
Everett: Don't mind telling you I'm awful pleased... My adventuring days have come to an end.
Penny: That's good, honey.
Everett: You were right about that ring, too. Any other wedding band wouldn't do. This here was fore-ordained. Fate was a-smilin' on me, and...
Penny: That's not my ring.
Everett: What?
Penny: That's not my ring.
Everett: Not your ring?
Penny: That's one of Aunt Herlene's.
Everett: But you said it was in the roll-top desk.
Penny: I said I thought it was in the roll-top desk.
Everett: No, you said...
Penny: Or under the mattress. Or maybe in my chifforobe. I don't know.
Everett: Well, I'm sorry, honey.
Penny: But we need that ring.
Everett: Well, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durn big lake.
Penny: Uh-uh.
Everett: A 9,000-hectare lake.
Penny: I don't care if it was 90,000. That lake was not my doing.
Everett: Of course not, honey...
Penny: I counted to three, honey.
Everett: No, wait, honey. Finding one little ring in the middle of all that water is one hell of a heroic task!
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Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?
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Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened cir****stances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?
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Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydroelectric up the whole durn state. Yessir, the South is gonna change. Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a paying basis. Out with old spiritual mumbo-jumbo, the superstition and the backward ways. We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everyone a wire and hook us all up to the grid. Yessir, a veritable age of reason - like they had in France. And not a moment too soon...