Ocean's Eleven (2001) quotes

View Quote Tess: You're a thief and a liar.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief, I don't do that anymore.
Tess: Steal?
Danny: Lie.
Tess: I'm with someone who doesn't have to make that kind of distinction.
Danny: No, he's very clear on both.

View Quote Topher Grace: Hey Rus, let me ask you a question. Are you incorporated? Well, if not you should really think about it, 'couse I was talking to my manager...
Rusty: Bernie?
Topher Grace: No, not Bernie, my business manager. You know what? They're both named Bernie. Anyway, he was saying that because what we do here is kind of like research for a future like gig or whatever. I can totally make it a tax write off. The only thing is, and this is like *his* thing and it's stupid, is I'd have to pay you by check.
[Rusty stops and looks at him]
Topher Grace: Or we could stick with the cash. [Rusty nods] You know what? Yeah, let's just stick with the cash.

View Quote Turk: Watch it, bud.
Virgil: Who you calling bud, pal?
Turk: Who you calling pal, friend?
Virgil: Who you calling friend, jackass?
Turk: Don't call me a jackass.
Virgil: I just did call you a jackass!

View Quote Virgil: Are you a man?
Turk: Yes, nineteen.
Virgil: Are you alive?
Turk: Yes, eighteen.
Virgil: Evel Knievel.
Turk: ...shit.

View Quote Yen: [his only line in English] Where the **** you been?
Turk Malloy: I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.
(Playing a game of five-card draw poker)
Topher Grace: Fellas! Fellas! Check this... all... red!

View Quote [last lines]
[Danny has just gotten out of jail]
Danny: Hi.
Tess: Hi. We need to get Rusty a girl.
Rusty: There's a women's prison down the road.
Danny: [noticing Tess is wearing her wedding ring] You said that you sold this.
Tess: I said that.
Danny: Liar.
Tess: Thief.
[they kiss]

View Quote [last minute tips for Linus]
Rusty: Where you gonna put your hands?
[Linus places his hands on briefcase handle]
Rusty: No good.
[Linus touches his tie]
Rusty: Don't touch your tie. Look at me. Okay. I ask you a question, you have to think of the answer. Where do you look?
[Linus looks down]
Rusty: No good. You look down, they know you're lying. And up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any cir****stances--
Livingston: Rus?
Rusty: Yeah?
Livingston: Come look at this?
Rusty: Sure.

View Quote [Basher's original plan for knocking out the casino's power has flopped]
Basher: Hang on a minute, hang on... we could use a pinch.
Danny: What's a "pinch"?
Basher: A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb - now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you'd be getting the seventeenth century.

View Quote [Danny and Linus prepare to go down the elevator shaft]
Linus: How'd you get here?
Danny: Well, if you give a friend a couple million...
Linus: But what about Rusty, the whole argument? I mean, what was that about?
[Danny laughs]
Linus: Aww, come on, why couldn't you just tell me, why'd you put me through all this?
Danny: Where's the fun in that?

View Quote [discussing possible candidates for their crew]
Danny: Phil Turenteen...
Rusty: Dead.
Danny: No shit. On the job?
Rusty: Skin cancer.
Danny: You send flowers?
Rusty: Dated his wife for a while.

View Quote [in a safe heist]
Basher: All right chaps. Hang on to your knickers.
[He triggers the bomb, and the safe door cracks open. Laughing, Basher dances into the vault - and the alarm goes off]
Basher: Oh leave it out! You tossers! You had one job to do!

View Quote [Linus is removing the lighting panel from the elevator. Danny appears in the space]
Linus: Oh Jesus!
Danny: Now you really didn't think I was gonna sit this one out, did you?
Linus: What, you didn't trust me?
Danny: I do now.

View Quote [masquerading as an A.T.F. agent, Rusty shoves Basher against a police car, pretending to search him.]
Rusty: [under his breath] Hey, Bash.
Basher: Hey, Russ.
Rusty: How fast can you put something together from what I just slipped you?
Basher: It's done.
[Rusty lifts up Basher, and they slowly leave the crime scene]
Basher: Hey, is Danny about?
Rusty: Yeah, he's waiting around the corner.
Basher: Oh, that's terrific! It will be nice working with proper villains again.
Officer: [shouting] Everybody down, now!
[they break into a run as explosions rock the crime scene]
Basher: Ha-ha-ha! They weren't expecting that shit!

View Quote [Shaking Billy Tim Denham's hand]
Frank: You have lovely hands. Do you moisturize?
Billy Tim Denham: I'm sorry?
Frank: You know, I've tried all sorts of moisturizers. I even went fragrance free for a whole year. Now my sister, she uses some kind of uh... uh... uh... uh... aloe vera with a little sunscreen in it, and ideally, we should all wear gloves when going to bed, but I found out that that creates a kind of an interference with my... social agenda, you know what I mean.

View Quote [sitting in a surveillance van with two FBI agents]
FBI Man #2: Let's see if we can zoom in on that guy...
FBI Man #1: Yeah.
[he reaches for the camera controls]
Livingston: Don't - don't - d-don't... Don't touch that.
FBI Man #1: Why not?
Livingston: Uh, do you see me grabbing the gun out of your holster and just waving it around?
FBI Man #2: Hey, radio shack, relax, will ya?