Office Space quotes

View Quote Nina: [incessantly repeated line] Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking... just a moment!
Bob Porter: We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.
Bob Slydell: I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".
Somebody's got a case of the Mondays!

View Quote Nina: Now Milton, don't be greedy. Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece.
Milton Waddams: Kay but, last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told, that I could -
Nina: Just pass.
Milton Waddams: Uh, ok...

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed
Lawrence: (From the other apartment) Don't worry man! I won't tell anyone about this either.
Michael Bolton: Who the **** is that?
Peter Gibbons: Uh, don't worry about him. He's cool.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Boy, I'll tell ya, some days... One of these days it's gonna be just like— (Imitates loading and firing a machine gun)
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter: (Does the same, laughs) So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
Peter Gibbons: Just coffee.
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter: Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Hey, guys.
Michael Bolton: What's up, G?
Peter Gibbons: Want to go to Chotchkie's? Get some coffee?
Samir: Oh, it's a little early.
Peter Gibbons: I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it.
Female Temp: Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Lawrence, you awake?
Lawrence: Yeah.
Peter Gibbons: You wanna come over?
Lawrence: No, thanks, man. I don't want you ****ing up my life, too.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?
Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Look, I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?
Samir: Yes, Peter, but I'm not going to do anything illegal.
Peter Gibbons: Samir, this is America. This isn't Riyadh; they're not going to saw your hands off.
Peter Gibbons: The most they would do is put us for a few months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! You know, they have conjugal visits there?
Samir: They do?
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.
Samir: I have a question.
Peter Gibbons: Yes?
Samir: In... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
Samir: OK, I'll do it.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh, because I'm a big pussy... which is why I work at Initech to begin with.
Michael Bolton: Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy, OK?
Samir: Yes, I am also not a pussy.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in various mutual funds and take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities and—
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. It's supposed to tell you what you'd do if...PC Load Letter! What the **** does that mean?

View Quote Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: So you guys are gonna fire Mike and Samir, and you're gonna give *me* more money?
Bob Porter: Uh-huh.
Peter Gibbons: Wow.

View Quote Peter Gibbons: Um, the 7-Eleven, right? You take a penny from the tray.
Joanna: From the crippled children?
Peter Gibbons: No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray, the pennies for everybody.