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[At night, the Tyler's parent car arrives home]
Claire Tyler: [In car] I can't imagine where he could be. Maybe we should call the police.
Claire Tyler: [Gasps as the car parks in front of Richard's bicycle, lying down] Alan!
[the car stops]
Claire Tyler: [Gets out] He's home!
[Alan gets out]
Claire Tyler Alan.
Alan Tyler: [sees Richard in the treehouse] It's impossible.
[Alan goes up into the treehouse]
Alan Tyler: Rich?
Claire Tyler [Goes up into the treehouse and takes Richard's signature glasses] We probably should put him in his bed.
Alan Tyler: Let's let him sleep up here tonight.
[Claire goes down, as Alan uses the coat as a blanket for Richard]
Alan Tyler: [turning off a lantern] Love you, Richie.
[Alan goes down the treehouse. Alan & Claire goes inside the house]
Alan Tyler: Good night, son.
[Alan closes the door, leaves, and the living room light turn off]
Claire Tyler: [In car] I can't imagine where he could be. Maybe we should call the police.
Claire Tyler: [Gasps as the car parks in front of Richard's bicycle, lying down] Alan!
[the car stops]
Claire Tyler: [Gets out] He's home!
[Alan gets out]
Claire Tyler Alan.
Alan Tyler: [sees Richard in the treehouse] It's impossible.
[Alan goes up into the treehouse]
Alan Tyler: Rich?
Claire Tyler [Goes up into the treehouse and takes Richard's signature glasses] We probably should put him in his bed.
Alan Tyler: Let's let him sleep up here tonight.
[Claire goes down, as Alan uses the coat as a blanket for Richard]
Alan Tyler: [turning off a lantern] Love you, Richie.
[Alan goes down the treehouse. Alan & Claire goes inside the house]
Alan Tyler: Good night, son.
[Alan closes the door, leaves, and the living room light turn off]
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[First lines during the opening scene]
Claire Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] Alan, every ten-year-old is afraid of something.
Alan Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] The kid's afraid of tuna-fish sandwitches.
Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna.
Alan Tyler: Whatever.
Claire Tyler: Alan, the world is a frightening place to him right now. I think we could be a little more supportive.
Alan Tyler: Supportive? I'm the most supportive father on earth, but I'm running out of supportive things to do. I signed him up for Little League, he drove everybody crazy with statistics about how you can develop tumors from being hit in the head with a ball. [offscreen] Did you know that shin splints can lead to blood clots in the legs? Claire, he brought in a medical journal. Nobody wanted to play after that. And now I'm building him a tree house, in a tree he refuses to climb.
[while Alan says the last sentence above, Claire turns on a light and he looks at the treehouse on a dark and stormy night]
Claire Tyler: You know he hates heights.
Alan Tyler: I don't know. I just want to be a good father.
Claire Tyler: But you are a good father.
Claire Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] Alan, every ten-year-old is afraid of something.
Alan Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] The kid's afraid of tuna-fish sandwitches.
Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna.
Alan Tyler: Whatever.
Claire Tyler: Alan, the world is a frightening place to him right now. I think we could be a little more supportive.
Alan Tyler: Supportive? I'm the most supportive father on earth, but I'm running out of supportive things to do. I signed him up for Little League, he drove everybody crazy with statistics about how you can develop tumors from being hit in the head with a ball. [offscreen] Did you know that shin splints can lead to blood clots in the legs? Claire, he brought in a medical journal. Nobody wanted to play after that. And now I'm building him a tree house, in a tree he refuses to climb.
[while Alan says the last sentence above, Claire turns on a light and he looks at the treehouse on a dark and stormy night]
Claire Tyler: You know he hates heights.
Alan Tyler: I don't know. I just want to be a good father.
Claire Tyler: But you are a good father.
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[new catchphrase] Good. That was definitely good.
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[repeated line] This is not good. Definitely not good.
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Dad, 8% of all household accidents involve ladders, another 3% involve trees. We're looking at another 30% probability here.
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I lost my library card. I can't check anybody out. We'll never get to the exit now.
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I was nearly torn apart by a crazy doctor, made into a slave by a bunch of mangy pirates, and eaten-- got that? --eaten by a fire-breathing dragon!
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Thanks, but I have already a family. I really should be getting home now.
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You guys are the only friends I've ever had.