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Costa: [All three are sprawled on the front lawn, high on ecstacy] I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.
Thomas: It's okay.
Costa: No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.
J.B.: Wasn't cool man.
Costa: And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat ****." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.
J.B.: I don't.
Thomas: Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.
Costa: Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with J.B., but her tits are smaller.
J.B.: Hey.
Costa: I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.
Thomas: It's okay.
Costa: No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.
J.B.: Wasn't cool man.
Costa: And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat ****." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.
J.B.: I don't.
Thomas: Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.
Costa: Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with J.B., but her tits are smaller.
J.B.: Hey.
Costa: I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.
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Dad: I just didn't think you had it in you.
Thomas: I know. Sorry I let you down.
Dad: No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?
Thomas: Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.
Dad: Wow.
Thomas: You should have seen it. It was awesome.
Dad: Well, you're still ****ed Thomas.
Thomas: I know. Sorry I let you down.
Dad: No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?
Thomas: Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.
Dad: Wow.
Thomas: You should have seen it. It was awesome.
Dad: Well, you're still ****ed Thomas.
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Kirby: [Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?
Thomas: No.
Kirby: Not at all?
Thomas: Yes.
Kirby: You look pretty ****ed up.
Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little ****ed up.
Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?
Thomas: [smiling at her] I'm pretty lucky right now.
Kirby: Slow down dude.
Thomas: No.
Kirby: Not at all?
Thomas: Yes.
Kirby: You look pretty ****ed up.
Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little ****ed up.
Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?
Thomas: [smiling at her] I'm pretty lucky right now.
Kirby: Slow down dude.
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Mom: I'm just worried.
Dad: About what?
Mom: I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.
Dad: Oh please. Come on honey, he's 17 years old.
Mom: That's what I'm worried about.
Dad: Let's be realistic here. This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.
Mom: What is that supposed to mean?
Dad: I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know. He's got a couple friends, they're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser.
Dad: About what?
Mom: I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.
Dad: Oh please. Come on honey, he's 17 years old.
Mom: That's what I'm worried about.
Dad: Let's be realistic here. This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular.
Mom: What is that supposed to mean?
Dad: I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know. He's got a couple friends, they're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser.
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Rob: [as the riot police close in] Hey Oliver! Great party buddy. [points to a flaming tree in his front yard] You owe me a ****ing tree, you piece of shit!
Costa: All we were trying to do was have a good time, you ****sucking mother****er! This is your fault!
Rob: I'll kill you, you ****ing punk! You know where you're going? You're going to jail you mother****er! You're gonna-OW!
(Everett and Tyler run up to Rob and tackle him to the ground)
Costa: Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my ****ing dick!
Costa: All we were trying to do was have a good time, you ****sucking mother****er! This is your fault!
Rob: I'll kill you, you ****ing punk! You know where you're going? You're going to jail you mother****er! You're gonna-OW!
(Everett and Tyler run up to Rob and tackle him to the ground)
Costa: Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my ****ing dick!
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Rob: [knocking on the door] Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.
Thomas: Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?
Rob: No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.
Costa: [walks up] **** yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.
Rob: Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.
Costa: You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the ****?
Rob: I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.
J.B.: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.
Rob: Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.
Costa: I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?
Rob: Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, **** it! I'm calling the ****ing cops.
[gets a taser shot by Everett]
Costa: ****! Oh shit!
J.B.: Jesus ****ing Christ! What did you do that for?
Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you ****ing kidding me? I will ****ing kill you!
Rob: The little **** tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!
Costa: You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!
Rob: Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother ****er record it right here.
Dax: No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.
Rob: **** you!
Costa: Go home, Robert!
Thomas: Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?
Rob: No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.
Costa: [walks up] **** yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.
Rob: Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.
Costa: You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the ****?
Rob: I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.
J.B.: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.
Rob: Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.
Costa: I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?
Rob: Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, **** it! I'm calling the ****ing cops.
[gets a taser shot by Everett]
Costa: ****! Oh shit!
J.B.: Jesus ****ing Christ! What did you do that for?
Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you ****ing kidding me? I will ****ing kill you!
Rob: The little **** tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!
Costa: You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!
Rob: Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother ****er record it right here.
Dax: No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.
Rob: **** you!
Costa: Go home, Robert!
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Thomas: [Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.
Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.
Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.
[He holds the picture next to her face]
Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?
Kirby: Shut the **** up. It still looks like me.
Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?
Kirby: No, it was...
Thomas: ****.
[They make out]
Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.
Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.
[He holds the picture next to her face]
Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?
Kirby: Shut the **** up. It still looks like me.
Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?
Kirby: No, it was...
Thomas: ****.
[They make out]
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Thomas: [on the roof, looking at the party below] Is this big enough to be cool?
Costa: Game changer. [The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your ****ing Party man!
Thomas: You're right dude. I needed this.
Costa: Game changer. [The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your ****ing Party man!
Thomas: You're right dude. I needed this.
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Thomas: Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.
Kirby: You're...
[She kisses him]
Thomas: So we're cool again?
Kirby: I never said you were cool.
[They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]
Kirby: You're...
[She kisses him]
Thomas: So we're cool again?
Kirby: I never said you were cool.
[They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]
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Thomas: My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets ****ed up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.
Costa: Dude come on.
[Thomas stands on a chair]
Costa: Dude what the **** are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!
Thomas: Hey listen up!
Alexis: Yeah, Thomas! Woow!
[Crowd cheers]
Costa: Dude come on.
[Thomas stands on a chair]
Costa: Dude what the **** are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!
Thomas: Hey listen up!
Alexis: Yeah, Thomas! Woow!
[Crowd cheers]
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[about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen."
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[after the car is driven into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy.
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[on video] What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, [grabs crotch] and this is Project X, yo.