The Ritz quotes

View Quote Abe: We've got a nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discotheque, bridge, amateur night, and free blood tests every Wednesday.

View Quote Brick: One of those transvestites is standing right next to me. I can't talk now, I think he's surrounding me for unnatural things! And: See anything you like, Bud?

View Quote Customer: Did they ever put you on 4? It's Siberia up there!

View Quote Man in Elevator: There's a reason some of us don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at it.

View Quote Tiger: Alright, fat man, leave the little guy alone! What do you think this is, a YMCA?

View Quote Abe: How long?
Brick: Is what?
Abe: How long do you want the room for?
Brick: Three or four hours should be sufficient for my purposes.

View Quote Abe: I thought you sworn off this place.
Claude: I thought I had too.
Abe: You got homesick for us, right?
Claude: Well I didn't have much choice, I've been barred from the Appenium.
Abe: Come on, nobody gets barred from the Appenium. How'd you manage that?
Claude: Well, there was this man there.
Abe: A fat man, right?
Claude: Fat? He was the magic mountain! He drove me into one of my frenzies. I went berserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it, I just wanted to talk to him, you know how I am.

View Quote Abe: People like you think the whole world is ****.
Chris: It's lucky for people like you it is!

View Quote Brick: Excuse me.
Claude: I'm resting.
Brick: May I come in?
Claude: No no, I said I'm resting.
Brick: I'm looking for something
Claude: I told you, I'm resting.
Brick: That's okay, I just...
Claude: Hey hey, what do you need? A brick wall to fall on your head?! Resting! It's a euphemism for not interested, skinny!

View Quote Chris: Abe, how is that gorgeous son of yours?
Abe: You're too late, he's getting married.
Chris: That's terrific! You give him my love, will you?
Abe: Sure thing.
Chris: Does he need someone to practice with?
Abe: He's been practicing already, that's why he has to get married.
Chris: Well compared to me, Abe, she would have to be an amateur.

View Quote Chris: Strange as it may seem, no one is going to attack you.
Proclo: Someone already has!
Chris: Eh... beginner's luck.

View Quote Claude: You could use a good psychiatrist, mister!
Googie: What did you call me?!
Claude: I haven't seen such tacky drag since the Princeton Varsity show!
Googie: Tacky drag?!
Claude: 30 years ago, sonny boy!

View Quote Claude: You'll never guess what I made for dinner tonight so I'm just going to have to tell you.
Proclo: I beg your pardon?

View Quote Customer: Crisco.
Proclo: What?
Customer: Crisco oil party. Room 419. Pass it on.
Proclo: Pass what on?
Customer: Bring Joey.
Proclo: Who's Joey?
Customer: You know Joey. Don't bring chuck, you got that?
Proclo: Crisco oil party. Room 419. I can bring Joey but not Chuck.
Customer: Check.
Proclo: What's the matter with Chuck?
Customer: [whispers something]
Proclo: Chuck is definitely out!

View Quote Googie: I am suddenly a woman!
Proclo: No you're not, you're someone with a lot of problems!
Googie: Make me feel like a real woman!
Proclo: That's not my department, that's out of my hands!