Jackie Moon quotes

View Quote Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!

View Quote Let's get Tropical!

View Quote It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!

View Quote In the anals of history, people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

View Quote GOD DAMN IT, VAKIDIS, LEARN ****IN' ENGLISH!

View Quote I'm so excited, I can't even...feel my arms!

View Quote EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!

View Quote (to Monix) I wish you were still a washing machine!

View Quote SUCK MY ****, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!

View Quote Heaven wants us to win this game! I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

View Quote EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, BUT IT'S FULL OF BEARS!

View Quote If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet.

View Quote SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!

View Quote [Jackie is lying in a dumpster] Ed Monix: Jackie, what are you eating?
Jackie: I think it's a pancake...
Monix: Oh come on now Jackie, that's been there a while, hasn't it?
Jackie: Probably....

View Quote Jackie: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence Coffee Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh, yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

View Quote Monix: Vakidis, open the window, will ya?
Vakidis: Yes, right on! (does nothing)
Monix: Vakidis, did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?
Vakidis: Yes, right on!

View Quote Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.
Lou Redwood: No, I like to smoke when I drink.

View Quote Lou Redwood: Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!
Dick Pepperfield: With the possible exception of, eh, Henry Ford... Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.