Sorcerer's Apprentice, The (2010) quotes

View Quote Balthazar: Change into these. [tosses a pair of formal dress shoes at Dave] Rubber soles block the current. Plus, it helps to look classy.
Dave: These are old man shoes.
[The camera shows an identical pair of shoes on Balthazar’s feet, before panning up to his insulted expression]
Balthazar: [threateningly] Excuse me?
Dave: And I love them. [beat] A lot.

View Quote Balthazar: I had a dream. You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly.
Dave: Me? Pretty weird, huh?
Balthazar: No. Kinda makes sense.

View Quote Balthazar: Keep it subtle. Civilians must not know that magic still exists. That would be complicated.
Dave: Says the guy in the 350-year-old rawhide trench coat.

View Quote Balthazar: You have abused the sacred art, and you have abused the Merlin Circle. Magic isn't a game. No shortcuts! Falling in that water and getting electrocuted, that's how a sorcerer loses his power.
Dave: What rule is that?! 14th?! 27th?! I can't even remember! What difference does it make if it's obvious that I can't even control a few mops?!
Balthazar: The stronger the man, the stronger the sorcerer.
Dave: Thank you. Thank you for another useless motto.
Balthazar: I have another one for you. You will not control your magic if you will not control yourself. You need to stop your worrying and start believing in yourself.
Dave: Is that what you do?
Balthazar: What I do isn't the point.
Dave: I think it is. I'm convinced you exist purely to make my life a living hell.
Balthazar: You don't know anything about a living hell. You're making progress.
Dave: No, I'm not making progress. No ring, right? No magic. I can't move the chairs. I can't do it. It's not me, Balthazar, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not it. I'm not a hero. I'm not the Prime Merlinean. I'm just a physics nerd who looks really, really stupid in these shoes.

View Quote Becky: Something about you is different.
Dave: I'm wearing new shoes.
Becky: Oh, nice.

View Quote Becky: How'd you do that? That guy was huge!
Dave: I've been doing a lot of cardio boxing lately. Let me introduce "thunder and lightning."
[Later in that scene]
Balthazar: Let's go "thunder and lightning."

View Quote Becky: That guy just flew away on an eagle! A steel eagle!
Dave: I guess the first thing you should know about me is that I'm a sorcerer.
Becky: And I thought my last boyfriend was different 'cause he wore a scarf.

View Quote Dave: Are you telling me you're trying to possess Tank?
Balthazar: Yes, and I'm not sure it's the best idea either.
Dave: No.

View Quote Dave: Do you know what my life has been like for the past ten years?
Balthazar: I've been stuck in an urn for ten years.
Dave: So have I! A figurative urn of ridicule! Did you know that in some parts of the tri-state area they still refer to having a nervous breakdown as "pulling a David Stutler"? Did you know that?!
Balthazar: Try to be a good listener, Dave.

View Quote Dave: I don't actually know who you are.
Drake: Really? You don't recognize me?
Dave: Are you in Depeche Mode?

View Quote Dave: You wanna meet up at my lab?
Becky: Yeah.
Dave: With me?
Becky: Yes.
Dave: Okay, just checking.

View Quote Drake: [magically turns on all the hand dryers in the restroom] Can't have anyone hear your girly cries.
[Drake lifts up Dave and puts him high on the wall.]
Dave: This is high school all over again.

View Quote Horvath: [waving staff] You do not need to see my faculty identification card.
NYU Clerk: I do not need to see your faculty identification card.
Drake: (waving hand and imitating Star Wars Jedi Obiwan Kenobi) These are not the droids you are looking for.

View Quote [singing] I got a date with a girl 'cause I'm... awesome!

View Quote [to Balthazar] Are you insane? [Balthazar thinks, then holds up his fingers an inch apart] Little bit. Okay.